Happy Eid Mubarak

I just woke up to an empty house after many sleepless nights of beading. And its still not done yet.

Noticed there were a few unknown calls. It has been like that for severals days. I tried cracking who would it be. Thought it was my aunt in Singapore but it wasn't. Then, I remember I have a sister in the States. So I buzzed. Yeap, definitely her.

Should be helping out Ibu with the cookies but I'm caught up with flu. Must have got it from you, Nana!

Now that its holiday time, I feel so relieved. The past week has been too emotional for me. Finally I broke down in front of Sayang in merely minutes before he took off. I wont pen it down here because it will jeopardize my career but let me get you this, I really hate your guts! I hope to death that my application gets through.


Oh well, I will start teaching on the 7th. I wonder how it will turn out. Will I run out of the class? The main reason I'm doing this is because I have to get over this stage fright, once and for all. But how do you teach when you barely know anything yourself? ;p

Last night could've been Lailatulqadr since the day is soo gloomy.

Alright, need to get back to work.

Zeti, I'll do your tagging thingy after Eid, when I have stuff myself with Raya cookies. Right now, I cant think straight enough.

Sya, Selamat Hari Raya. Nanti kau pergi shopping jangan lupa beli benda kat ak ok. Buat la hati aku gembira kembali setelah lama bergundah lana (is there such a word?). ;p

So, people Happy Eid! And Maaf Zahir Batin.

N.U.M.B

I'm in a state of confusion. And restless too.

There are so many things that I want in life. I am not trying to sound ungrateful here but it just is. You would be shocked to know whats going on in my mind right now. I know for sure some would say I'm insane or the least mildly put, ungrateful. And I will rot in hell for that.

These dark feelings I have kept them for so long and its eating me up. I'm getting angrier, metaphorically speaking, at everything. I do not like the way I am now and that makes me angrier.

Every smile doesnt mean that I'm happy. Every burst of laughter is just a way of stabbing my heart. What a path of lies I trudged along. Acting as if you are okay and fine is just tiring me out.

I know this is just a temporary phase that I'm going through. I know in time I will be free of all this. But I'm a bit scared by that time arrives, I will be left with no emotions, and lifeless.

For now, I will be numb. Numb to everything.

And hid my unsatisfaction and restless-ness underneath me.

Updated
**********************************************

Tom Yam Campur (yep, I still want to cook this)
Ayam Masak Kuzi (a Kelantanese specialty)
Kung Pao Chicken
Ikan Masak 3 Rasa
Kung Pao Spagetti
Daging Masak Hitam Manis
Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng Rempah
Daging Masak Lada Hitam
Chicken Soup
Chicken Lasagne (added)
Beehun Goreng (added because I had to bring something to my in-laws)

Ramadan is getting nearer to the end. Skejap je rasa, dah nak raya plak. And duk kira2 events in bulan raya, mesti bulan raya pun bakal menghilang cepat juga.

Its been weeks since I did any cooking. I still havent achieve my kung pao dishes yet. Maybe that will be much much later on. Consider that I still have lots of frozen foods that need to be cleared first. When Sayang is not around after raya, lagi la I dont know when they are going to be finished.

Weekend was a blast. Days of friends getting together. Saturday was the girls-only get-together but somehow ended up with some random guys that I wont put names to. It was a port lug (did I get this right?) so I made chicken lasagne. It was fine I guess but beef is way better but Carrefour ran out of beef. Nonetheless, couldnt beat the lasagne that I made with Nana, right Nana? That one was sinfully heaven and I wouldnt dare to count the calories into that. Hah.

Sunday saw my high school gathering at KGPA in PJ. Was quite hectic what with catching up on news and making silly jokes and people showing off their kids. (those who had kids la kan ;p) People thronged like nobody's business to get food. The food was ok, reasonable for the price we paid though. Overall, everything was jolly and merry. I stayed until 10pm. I'll upload the pictures once I get them from Aini, ok dear?

Surprisingly kan, Saeed rajin plak nak melayan orang. This time he doesnt mind me holding him because usually he would prefer my sisters and brother more than me. Guess he had no other choice kot. But then he did get along just fine with everybody else. I know, Saeed, why sebab kau mau diorang bawak ko jalan2 kan? Eleh.

Orait. Have to make this short. Im going back to Seremban for berbuka. Sayang is already here and Im going to buy Tempe Goreng Sambal. Yum yum!

*******************************************************
Okay here are the pictures, just got them from Aini and Fer.

Nana, Aini & I

Fer & Hawa won lottery!

Top: Hannah & Saeed

Bottom: All the girls ;) (see, Saeed nak kat aku je!;p)

For the past few days, the weather has been erratic and incosistent. If it was raining, it will rain as hard as it could. And if its hot, even the clothe on you can scorched under the sun. As of now, it is crazily hot. I was out at lunch time (a fruitless warehouse trip to Sunway) and I can feel my skin crinkled up, literally.

I will be crazy busy after Eid. I got the offer for a part-time teach and it needs full preparation. I have never given a lecture before so I must impress myself. ;p
Usually, I am the one who receives the lecture.

Just got off with Faradisha on phone. It was such a long time since we really talked. Or gossiped more likely. And she also happens to be a reader of this too. Malu aku tau...I was interrupted during gossipping part so I promised to call her back. But by the time I was free, it was too late nak call pun sebab mesti kau da sibuk memasak gak. So babe, since you're not working better figure out what I said for next week, okay?

I have gone through many sleepless nights. What with beading and such. God, I haven't start on baking cookies yet. I look like a wreck and feel like one too. Ramadhan ni memang kurang productive sikit. And Ramadan seems to pass in a blink, don't you think?

Well, I'm off to meet up with my people. Cozy Corner, Great Eastern Mall. Lapar ni sebab tak sahur pagi ni...

Happy Berbuka everyone!

I am SHY

Hi all.

Hope everyone had a blast weekend because I had. I'm flat out with too much cooking and jalan-jalan plus Huda came over to my house. Did I mention that I'm doing beading for baju raya? Not mine though, just a customer who is willing to sacrifice her own baju raya. Don't worry, its coming out nicely at the moment.

Suddenly I'm feeling a bit shy.
Shy to write what is on my mind or what I have done.

I always thought that I'm writing for my own purposes, not for people to read. I mean, I'm aware that my blog is public, and there is no reason to be private, nonetheless I don't go around telling people that I have a blog. Because I'm a shy person.

Plus I decided to have a blog because I haven't written for a long time. Before I took English Literature, I used to write short stories but somehow I stopped. Writing compulsory assignments took away most of my creativity juices and leave none imagination whatsoever. Personally, I think one of the disadvantage of taking literature in Malaysia is that you don't have the freedom to write just anything. However, if you're stuck with a foreign lecturer then you'll be okay. You can just say or write anything without having to comply to previous critiques.

Another setback is that when I come to face the literature world, I realised that my writings will never be as good as theirs. Turns out that writing is not a simple task. You have to coin the right and proper words so that the whole gist is properly formed. Getting the right choice of words is the hardest. Later on I found that I can be a quite good critique. My complaining ability has come into hand at last. It must be two, either you become a writer or a critique.

I just got a call asking whether I am interested in a part-time lecturing at MMC. Teach English, of course. After I said yes, I had a panic attack. I am not good in public. Even if I know my subject well but when I face unfamiliar faces, everything I know will fly out of my head. And I am a paranoid too because I'll keep thinking that I will bore people and they wont like me at all. Gosh, I need to rethink back my reply. I don't want to feel pressured just because I will be having panic attacks everynow and then.

Come to think of it, I never expected any readers, well, besides my family of course.
When people ask, 'Oh you have a blog?', I don't know how to response to that.

Because I'm shy. ;p

I am hungry right now. Can't wait for the berbuka session.

The morning started off late because it rained this morning. Rainy days is good for sleeping in late. Especially on working days, it just add that thrilling spice to the feeling of laziness.

Managed to get the speech ready by noon. In fact I send it off at 1030am. Superwoman!
Then got a call, my sister's friend's dad just died of pancrease cancer. Since they live right across my office, it wouldn't be justice if Idon't go visit them. Plus, I know the family what with all the raya open houses and such.

After that, went to Jalan TAR. Odah wanted to buy some cloth and beads for her sewing project. Suddenly she has this dream of becoming a designer nad owning a label line. All I can say is 'All The Best'! And I ended up buying unnecessary purchases. Of course. Typical me.

I am so bored right now. I plan to do some beading on my baju raya but that wouldn't be until next week when the dress is ready.

Sheesh, I'm definitely bored. Yeah.

Nasi Lemak

This is a late entry, I made Nasi Lemak on the last weekend.

Samabal Ikan Bilis

Ayam Goreng Rempah

Nasi Lemak

Wahhh...sedap gak aku masak ni tau. Because generally I don't eat my own cooking but I must say that this time around my nasi lemak jadi. heh ;p

Tapi sorry la bad pictures because da lapar sangat kan sampai tangan pun menggigil nak capture pictures. ngeh

Of Trainings

MN (a senior non-exec) was looking at a picture of SH with a group of training participants. A conversation happened in front of me.

MN: Who sent you and paid for the training? TM?
SH: TM la..
MN: Oh yeah? Good ah. Should be really proud to work for TM. Not everyone can. Aren't you proud?
SH: Yeah yeah. Of course, I am proud.
MN: Good, good.

Very amusing don't you think?

Of Madam Kwan's

Yesterday was quite fun. We had dinner at Madam Kwan's (after various names on wating list). And guess who we saw? Just right across our table

Our Astronaut, Datuk Sheikh Muzaffar and CEO TV3, Dato' Farid. And his kids. And a mysterious lady.

Haha. I know, its not that impressive. Well, I wasn't, for sure. But let me keep that personal of what I think of them. And sorry, no piccas too because I wouldn't be caught taking their pictures without letting them have more than their share of glamorness. ;p

Oh, yeah. Met Effa too. She sat beside their table and when she got up to leave, I saw Farid checked her out. Oh well, nothing unusual.

Overall? Madam Kwan is nothing like it used to be. I remember the first time I ate there, it was quite heaven. But now? Nope. And people still queue up just to dine there. I bet its because of the ambience there, shouting for riches and snobs to come. Don't tell me because of its food coz I tell, then you haven't taste the real thing then. And not worth of my every penny at all. (Prices tu aku duk bantai lebih kurang je ye)

Capturing their pictures too seem a bit dampened. See?

Sago Gula Melaka - RM5.50

Char Kuew Teow - RM14.50
Chicken Mushroom Rice - RM15.50
Bojari Rice - RM20.50
Nasi Lemak - RM15.50
Good Mates ~ Asra & HudaAnd of course, US :)

Well, I managed to eat everything of my portion. And went home feeling bloated. And sleep. The ultimatum to being great bloatiness. Huh.

So, today will be another excursion with another set of old old buddies. We'll see how that goes then.

Updated list

**************************************

Tom Yam Campur (yep, I still want to cook this)
Ayam Masak Kuzi (a Kelantanese specialty)
Kung Pao Chicken
Ikan Masak 3 Rasa
Kung Pao Spagetti
Daging Masak Hitam Manis
Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng Rempah
Daging Masak Lada Hitam
Chicken Soup

I have done 3 so far...

Masters Programme?

I am ashamed to admit this.

I have been Googling up for postgraduates programmes and the possibilities of doing it would be in the UK, New Zealand and Germany.

Finally.

And there are possible scholarships too. I thought there wouldn't be any funds for my kind of courses.

So, I would probably do Diplomatic & International Relations, Social & Humanities, Languages & Cultures or Communications.

See? A lot of choices that I have to decide upon. At least I will be occupied somewhere else.

Ever since that incident with Pak Guard, I seem to have claustrophobia whenever I want to cross the road. It's time I pack up my ass out of Jalan Gurney Kiri. And where else should I go then? Doing Masters, of course. Haha.

But that wont be any time sooner. I plan to go in 2010. Don't ask me why. I guess I just don't feel really prepared to go to classes yet. People who know me know that I hate going classes. So, I have to be fully mentally prepared should I decide to do Masters.

Okay, then, I'm off to KLCC meeting up with old buddies.

** Odah, I know you are reading this, tangan and badan aku sakit2 duh duk gulung roti semalam. uwaaa.

Something is eating away in me. I know. And I can't make it go away. I wish I could but I can't.

Feeling slightly woozy from a deep slumber.

Do you know whats it like when you are really excited to tell the whole world about your excitedness and suddenly the moment passes away and you don't want to talk about it anymore? And you even got them in picture-mode too.

As of now, I am more into home-deco. But I have to stop myself because its not this house I'm staying currently that I want it to look nice. I want MY house to be nice.

Anyways, it wouldn't hurt just to look and see what options they have on the racks.

Okay, I need to get a dinner set! I console myself its okay to get a cheap one because I will get a nice set when I move into a new home. But everytime I pick one (cheap ones, of course) they look so horrible and cheap?! I mean, don't we have some decent pieces that are affordable at all? Even there are, its too expensive for the kind I'm getting for. I would feel cheated because I know that they shold be sold at lower price.

Geez, what it takes to be a woman. I never thought the day would come where choosing dinner sets is a tough decision to make.

Oh well, I have to make them fast because I can't live on plastics throughout the two years, can I?

Oh yes, yesterday we officially signed a new house mortgage. Thats why I'm freaking freak.

Yesterday was the mother*&%$*#g of all traffic jams. I was stucked more than an hour in front of my office. Traffic lights changed colors trillion times but cars didnt budge an inch. I was crawling like, wait crawling doesnt fit the situation, really slooowww. I bet if I had a race with a tortuise it would have won long before me.

I reached home nearly 7pm. I was tired and grumpy but I was adamant to cook. Because its been days I crave for tom yam. I was still in the process of cooking by the time it azan. At 8pm, it was ready. Tom yam, omelette and rice. And I didnt regret one bit because it was really delicious. Hot & spicy tom yam on rainy evenings. I have to admit, I surpassed myself on this one. Sayang said I can run a restaurant one day if I keep this up. ;p ngahaha

So, guys, I forgot to take pictures when it was done because we were so hungry then. Post-dishes should do fine.

My original Tom Yam

My version of omelette with cili padi & onions

My must way of eating - half a senduk of rice and a bowl of hot Tomyam..uhh

Today we will be having dinner at his parents'. And tomorrow too. Sounds a bit unfair but what to do. His sister will be flying off to UK so he insisted to have the last meal with his sister. Gee, I made him sound so corny! ngahaha.

Right now, I'm craving for Ayam Masak Kuzi and roti jala. That will be the mission tomorrow. Boleh tapau bawak pegi rumah in-laws. yum-yum.

Okay, its nearly time now, got to make a move. Dont wanna be stucked again traffic like yesterday!

Have a nice weekend!

Spices of Ramadan

This is my second Ramadan at my workplace. Like last year, its a slow month. Not surprisingly, the carpark is almost empty. I wonder, dont they come to work at all? Never mind, even though I come to work there's not much to do, let alone them, right? ;p

Since I had no major work to be done, well, I idled my time by looking at recipes. Still not undaunted by ambition to cook, browsing through recipes somehow gives me a spark of motivation. I listed the dishes that I plan to cook. I need more new recipes to keep me going this month. Anyhow, I can't be bothered to try almost difficult ones because I would rather eat at some fancy restaurants that eat my own cooking. So, here is my list for the time being, which will be added from time to time.

• Tom Yam Campur (yep, I still want to cook this)
• Ayam Masak Kuzi (a Kelantanese specialty)
• Kung Pao Chicken
• Ikan Masak 3 Rasa
• Kung Pao Spagetti
• Daging Masak Hitam Manis
• Nasi Lemak Ayam Goreng Rempah
• Daging Masak Lada Hitam
• Chicken Soup

I realised that I have 2 Kung Pao dishes. I just can't help it, they are so yummylicious. I've never done them before so lets hope it will turn out well. plus it doesnt cost a bomb to make it. And cooking for two always tastes better than cooking for many. ;p

Today I begged someone (literally). People would just do anything to get something they want. You never know what you want in life until its dangling in front of you. Then you grovel just to have it. We are all dogs. Grovelling and grovelling more. The more you want, the more you have to grovel. The Groveller. Thats me. And I have to admit that I'm quite surprised with myself that I too, can be a groveller. And at some point, when you dont have to grovel for a living, then you will be grovelled at. I wonder where it will stop. I dont think there is a stop.

Like, I had a fallout with my boss during one of the projects. And now looking back, I thank God that I was involved with this project. Or I would have seen The Door. (and grovelling at The Door too!)

Or today, I intentionally went to work late because ever since fasting I go to work early, I always ended up late. So I might as well be late late. But when we were coming out of our Taman to the big road, lots of cars were crawling slowly. And it was 8am and it never happened before. So, we turned around and just followed the cars going the opposite. Turns out that way is much shorter and less hassle to the big road. So I thank God for that too.

I have a lot to thank for. I just cant list them all so Thank You all the same.

P/S: I cant wait to go home and start on my hot & spicy Tom Yam soup..

Just got back in office from outside. Traffic is freaking bad.

Stopped by Ramadan bazaar in Keramat. The stalls are freaking tempting. Every stalls that I passed was mouth-watering. And damn cheaper from where I live now. A whole chicken golek is RM13 only, while at my place is RM18 and its smaller too! (so, I had to make that purchase ;p)

I thought of making tomyam today. Maybe some other time.

There goes my ambition to cook for the whole month. It lasted only two days.
But I will cook rice, does that count? ;p

It's already 530pm and I'm still stuck here.

Shit, I am so depressed. Huh.

oh life..

just when i thought life is turning up, disaster befalls me.

i am doomed.

being random

second day of fasting.

still surviving. and barely opening my eyes.

will go back earlier. need to buy some stuff for cooking.

my new azam, to cook, just for economical reasons. we'll see how far this will go on.

ngahhaaha.

so happy breaking fast today!