Nov 26, 2010

weekend is here already...

and i feel as it was just yesterday the colleagues and i went for mahboub's fix in bangsar. that was last Friday, people. time really flies, so moaning here or whining there will get you nowhere for time waits for no man.

at crucial times as this, i tend to ponder, what have i done so far that i am really proud of? besides the expected expectations, of course. have some of my dreams come true? did i enjoy while chasing them dreams? what sacrifices been done to get what/where i want? looking back on time, some of the good things that happened weren't really part of my plan, nevertheless i count them as blessings. as mere mortals, we succumb to the best intentions of God and personally i think it's a test for me to take further steps towards the right path.

for example, all my life i have been wanting this particular matter to happen, but when you can see it coming nearer and nearer, you stop and doubt, do i really want this? what if it's not right for me? what if something better comes along? what ifs what ifs... humans are so complicated they don't even know what they want, even when things fall into their laps.

well, in my case, i hate making mistakes or bearing the consequences. i just hate to deal with things that could be avoided in the first place. taking in consideration of my true nature, i act upon first instinct without elaborate thinking. that's why husband and i are a couple matched in heaven. i can always depend on him to stop me in track. ;p

again, time is playing tricks on us. i am not getting younger by the second, so i need to get all those ridiculous whims out of my system before i grow old, regretting things didn't happen the way they should.

embrace, embrace!

Nov 22, 2010

different side

i took 2 days off from work, today and tomorrow. just so that i dont have to meet people, for now.

right now, i'm in a little corner of alamanda's starbucks, sipping on iced turned to watery green tea. and a piece of inhouse peanut butter cookies. *bliss*

and riding on free wifi too because currently internet connections at both parents' and inlaws' are down. who knows when streamyx people will get them fix. haissh

went to an interview this morning. i seriously need to work on my interview skills. i really sucked man, big time! and i shouldnt be because im known for answering people back. i guess the awareness of being judged and criticised set me off, making me nervous and stuttering. ive come to realised that i tend to leave sentences mid-way, cos suddenly i'd be loss at words. bad, bad, bad!

it doesnt help that emotions show clearly on my face whenever i find some questions that took me off guard. im torn between telling the truth or what they actually want to know. and i end up making wrong decisions. haahhaha. oh well, kalau dapat dapatlah kalau tak nevermind.

being the greatest procrastinator in the whole wide world, i forgot to complete an online hr survey before i took leave. so getting inside company's intranet is soo tedious, ive been trying for the past hour. there are 3 candidates to evaluate with 21 questions each and i only got 2 done so far. everytime i get to question 4 the system kicked me out and to get back in needs refreshing the browser 100 times!! so penat nak login jelah sebenarnya. nasib baik tak nampak muka boss, or im sure i would bawl my head off. ;p

i must admit that it's a bless to be somewhere far from work. im in a fickle state, can't bear to go to work but at the same time couldnt imagine of doing anything else except work. i can be a retard at such times, one moment i need people all around me, the next moment i turn into a hermit. boleh tahan psycho. and no, i dont ask you people to try and understand me, because i dont sometimes. ;p except you ya, sayang. muahahha


Nov 18, 2010

still feeling exhausted from all the eating and visiting yesterday. hari raya shouldnt be celebrated a day only, at least two days are easy enough on the tummy.

got ready at dawn for raya prayers. we decided to go to putrajaya mosques this time. syarif has this notion of trying out all the mosques in the neighborhood. i layankan je. ;p

had a simple breakfast of fried noodle and curry mee after prayers. that alone was fulfilling. then, we headed to an aunt's for a dose of nasi dagang (not a favourite at all, thank god for normal rice!). then, off to an uncle's in sri petaling for a spread of mendy lamb, assam pedas, sweet sour crab and stir-fried mix veggies. in late evening, we went back to seremban to pay the obligatory visit to grannies. and the usual feast of rendang with nasi himpit, curry beef and peanut gravy. but i opted for grandma's overnight assam pedas (all time favourite!!). last destination was to syarif's sister for a birthday party cum bbq cum raya gathering. there were lontong, fried meehoon, bbq-ed chicken, lamb chops and all sorts of cakes.

all that are making me drowsy in the office today. thankfully many took extra leave so i can rest my head (and eyes ;p) from time to time.

and yeah, happy eidul adha!

Nov 12, 2010


yesterday saw syarif off. we didnt get to say goodbye properly. after all, what is 3-4 days right? still, i felt half of me drowned in nothingness.

it's worst at night. too quiet for my liking. and it's the usual moment we talk and bicker. and i miss that. :(

i begged to sleep with littlest sister. 'ah, mesti sebab kau tak berlaki sekarang kan'. i had to put on my best sad puppy face.

it rained the whole night and i felt lost for no reason. i slept, feeling sad. in the middle of the night, woke up with a start and accidentally stretched my right leg into wrong position. the tendon pulled tightly and cramped at the ball of my muscle leg. i whimpered and cried but nobody answered. littlest sister was snoring gently beside me, not caring what's happening around her.

i consoled myself back to sleep. if only my half-soul was here...

i'm glad daylight came, even thought the skies are grey, as grey as my feelings of this moment.

i have come to dread dark nights.

Nov 11, 2010

hidup lagi

i came across rumaisa's comment on odah's fb wall, ''blog kau dah mati ke?"

that pure simple question jolted me.

nowadays, writing here seems difficult for me. most of the time, i let it out at another place. when i first started out here, i didn't expect too many readers (not that i'm saying i have many readers now) and anonymous readers sit fine with me. as the blog progresses more, and i accumalate some friends along the way (THANK YOU!!), i have to be selective on what i write. i cannot simply write things that may hurt families and friends or any other people i might not know.

yes, you can laugh. somehow, this made me feel old. i'm still learning to curb my temper (and cutting words) and it's hard. being oppressed and supressed can put a toll on mind and mentality. i'm not surprised why most of us are going crazy by every moment. imagine a situation like this, you have to be apprehensive at all times, watching your mouth and praying hard that it will not betray you with uncouthed words. at the same time, you tend to say things that you don't mean at all. call it hypocrisy but that's how we live in a society. i need to tell myself over and over again, if this makes them happy, then i'm happy. truth is, i'm not.

so i resort to my reading. the only escapism i'm aware and familiar with. i choose how to read the lines. i get to criticise without the fear of letting the emotions run away, or hurt anyone in any ways. i get to express freely, be sad, happy, let one or two tears, laugh loudly without a care in the world. husband always says i'm crazy when i'm with my books. that explains why i'm always cooped up in my room. i know some people don't understand this and it tortures me that i have to do otherwise lest i will be thought of ratu dalam bilik. i almost always get that from my mother, "orang panggil buat tak tahu je, jangan baca selagi tak siap kerja rumah". i didn't hear you, ibu, i'm in my own bubble and you burst it! pop!

being married should not necessarily stop me from seeing my books. thankfully, i am blessed with an understanding soulmate who knows it's the only way i can calm myself after a hectic day at workplace. he knows when i need to be left alone. being compromised made me be fair towards him after that. or else, how can i give the best service in the world if i'm all stressed out? though bear in mind, services come in many forms, not necessarily cook meals and ironing clothes (excuses, excuses!). being the best listener and companion need hard work too. :)

after all being said, yes, i will try my hardest and bestest (if there's such a word) to be here as often as possible. i will try to be more communicative and involve in matters that can open my eyes wider than they are now.

so, sya, kau jangan rindu sangat kat aku lagi okay...

Nov 8, 2010

taking a 5 minute break. ;p

everyone's absent from the office. except for me. boleh tak gitu?

i was awaken by a call from the boss. he called in to represent him for a 9am meeting. crap! i hate meetings. and plus, most attending were managers and above. so, i feeling2 manager lah tadi. ;p

a last minute project, of course, what else is new? might need to stay back a bit later than usual. if there's one thing i dislike is calling up people i don't know. kalau gayut dengan member or ibu sendiri memang lah best. no need to ask me to do them, i'd get them done in a juffy! ;p i'd prefer to communicate face-to-face, eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart (wups!).

3 day weekend wasn't enough. parents-in-law are around, lil bro's around, surveying house decos, a really fun bbq get together (need to do that often!), laundry, monitoring maid on sunday, sleep and of course reading! mmg tak cukuplah... tap tup suddenly, hello monday!!

husband will be off this wednesday until saturday/sunday. so i'm considering some options that i have as a single lady. ;p wehuuu!! its not everyday that i get freedom like this so i really really need to optimise my time. will call people later on!

okay peeps, back to work again!