You won’t stop biting nails, so let’s breakup

It is sunny, the sky is clear blue after the rain washes everything away.

Yes, that's how life is. No matter how hard things get going, just remember that everything will be fine. If you feel like crying, just cry your whole heart out. Because everything will be clear again, just like the skies after raining.

Love is just so complicated. We all have been there, and some got lucky and most failed at the very first tryst. In my case, I have some feeble attempts, which I wouldn't call them true love anyway, but at least attempts of getting emotionally attached. Feeble as it may be, I don't regret at all what I have done. I admit that if I like that person, I would make the first move, regardless how stupid the act is. I would pass a candy, or biscuits or anything to a friend to pass it over to that particular person. And after a while, I get bored easily, especially if that person shows any promising signs. I must say that I get to know my preferences as I go along liking people here and there. Huahuahua. Yes, I am a fickle, remember?

Until I met my husband back in uni, on the registration day. Our parents know each other (we go to the same primary school) and talked, asking well-being of everything while I hid behind my mum's big hijab. Don't ask me why, I just don't know. Suddenly I felt shy meeting him. Who knew at that certain point I ended up marrying the guy... haha. Okay, enough of my love details, not that they are interesting anyway. The point is, to what certain extent do we have to sacrifice for our so-called 'love'?

When people break up, it's always the reason of that other person is not willing to change, or that other person has not done enough to make the relationship work, or another third party barges in, or basically you don't get along anymore. the latter is unavoidable, you just can't simply stop people not to cheat on you when he's the kind of unfaithful. But of course, you have to leave that sort of kind, lest it will hurt you in the future. What I'm highlighting here is the reason of breaking up just because that person won't change for him. Why should you put restrictions on people?

I am no love guru, mind you, but I believe that a person needs space in a relationship. If you love that person enough, let him grow in time, but of course towards the positive line. On top of all that, don't give 100% of yourself to people, no matter who they are. People will always let you down, even the bestest of friends, because we are humans after all. The only person you can rely on is the Almighty, so save a 10% of yourself. Or else that's when you hear stories people going crazy when their spouses died, or in some worse cases, cheated on them.

Another important element to make a relationship work is patience. You don't only have to be patient with the other half, you have to be patient with yourself. I am not ashamed to admit I have the lowest tolerance level of patience and at the rate I snap at people, I could hate myself to death. I have to console silently that it won't do any good of jumping to outrageous tempers. Girlfriend-boyfriend relationship is nothing; you can just simply part if nothing goes your way. When you are married, the test on self-patience is at times intolerable, to the point you question yourself, did you make a right choice? You have to be responsible for the choices you made and most importantly, rationalize everything before making harsh decisions that won't be worth regretted later. Learn to accept and you will be accepted.

Last but not least, never take 'twilight' as a guide for everlasting love, instead try 'gone with the wind'. That is what I call a real testament of love.

it's time, 2009?

i think i should write more often, only then a specific topic will surface later on. do you think so? since i am such a complicated and always confused being, it would be a surprise for me to come up with a post that is too, well, narrowed-down? heh.

2009 is nearing to an end. it's too cliche to say time flies but it does. haha. for all i know, we are already in the middle of december. i feel a bit left out, weird yeah, because i can't recall of any significant events that took place. so let me list out what has happened since january.

- my first time as a pengapit, at fiza's wedding (don't you dare laugh)
- jakarta trip in april (i thought that was last year)
- odah's wedding in may
- uk vacation from june til sept (now i know where most of the months have gone ;P)
- first time celebrated eid without the husband (corny!)
- 3 times to the gymnasium (that was last week, ngehehe)

not much eh? such a waste of a year, nevertheless, i have learnt a great deal, especially getting to know my true potentials, which i won't let on in here. however though, i plan to make the most for 2010 since i suddenly realise that i am not getting any younger. too many has to be accomplised and i am nowhere near to them. while i'm bitching over this, i haven't lay out specifically what i hope to materialise next year, which is so typical of me. haha. i'll do that in my sleep.

so, people, it's the last bit of the month. enjoy and make the best of it. it's not too late to do something big in the next 2 weeks. hahah. ambitious i must say.

no saga over this

last night, was the peak of boredom i've ever felt. i wanted to do something but couldnt figure anything interesting. and being the world's most annoying person, husband suggested mapley which i adamantly refused with the excuse of 'malas nak kelaur dari pagar. penat tau duduk terperap dalam pagar ni. boleh mematikan semua mood.' husband couldnt accept that of course. haha.

in relation to that, i took medical leave today, partly because of malas bekerja and another big part of blocked nose and sneezing fit. what with the h1n1 still going on, i need to take precautions, aint i? but that doesnt mean i will visit the doctor, just a loving session with odah today. if she can drag herself out of bed. ;p

few nights ago, one the guys staying next door came to us when we got back from a late movie. 'weh, korang checklah rumah. rumah kita orang baru kena rompak, habis semua laptop, camera. takde sign break-in plak tu.' alhamdulillah, our house was still intact but when i locked all the doors, i forgot a few verses of ayat kursi. i had to yell at husband from downstairs how the verses go. see what cuakness can do to me. what if i happen to see a ghost? stuttering like mad.

oh, did i tell you i went to see new moon? people couldnt believe it, they know it's not my thing. husband made me watch it. the whole movie was too tormenting for me to endure. i groaned and moaned throughout the whole thing while husband pinched and hushed me. i couldnt for the life think why bella is so pathetic, such an indecisive being. and cullen? i know he should be 'a man of few words' but really, he couldnt pull that one off, instead he looks like a stuttering parrot in pain. every word that comes out of his mouth causes him pain. as if he didnt mean any of his own sayings. the only part that made me endure all this was jacob, but even after that i was peeved with his fighting with cullen over pathetic bella. he could have done better than her. sorry, i am no romantic and i dont sit too well with mushy mashy bits of love.

last but not least, i quote from ahmad helmi's facebook status,

'edward cullen is almost 100 years old and bella is 17. so the twilight saga is thus-far the most successful pedophile/statutory rape franchise in movie history. well done world. no wonder vampires are so secretive :P (taken from Liana 'Shan' Aziz who took from Oli Pettigrew fan page ha ha ha)'

ok, have a nice monday. i will.

qurban, a sign of 'prosperity'

raya was heavy with rendang (as usual), laksa johor, soto, and cookies that my ibu managed to squeeze in. so, please, tell me that i need to go on a crash diet?

monday at office is quiet. people are still away on holidays. i've always like to go to work on days like this, which means less work and easier to cut off a few hours. :P it is also the day good for outside lunch, and i'm debating on bukit damansara or just klcc. a department opposite to mine hosted curry mee in the morning, and its heaviness is taking toll on my eyelids. i can barely open my eyes and have been yawning my head off since 10am.

it's been a tradition to have a prosperity (at least once) every year. i have (tried) sworn off fast food because being me, fast food is really not a best friend. a few trips to mc donalds in a week can put a few pounds of bulge right on my thighs. no no. really not good. and to put on more salt on already open wounds, the people who always tag me along don't have any issues with weight... i hate you nana!

tapi, after all has been said, i am still going over to klcc, just for the sake of 'teman' nana. haha. gila lame. or i could just sleep off the craving at the back corner of my office.

cicak or lizard?

i have not been aware of the growing dislike for lizards. i always thought my detest has been saved for the roaches only. now it's not the case no more.

there was one time when i wanted to take a shower, a big lizard was splatting on the ceiling, right above the showerhead. imagine the creepiness of it staring at you with its bulging black eyes and twitching slimy paws while you shower. so i screamed.

another time was in the shower again, (what's up with the shower?!) and it jumped out in front of me. i screamed even louder.

or in the kitchen. jumping out of nowhere causing me to throw pans at the sink. i hate making a circus show out of myself, especially by slimy creatures. and you wouldn't want to see me killing one, because i would beat it with a broom in one hand, a sheltox in another and shrieking like a hoolagan, just for the sake of nak hilangkan kegelian. oh my shivers timbers!

so, since i'm calling in the pest control, and at a quite expensive price too, i'm going to make sure all those pests are gone. i can't bear living, especially alone, with cicaks attacking me. do you realise that cicak sounds even slimier than lizard? ugghhh. my hairs are all standing at the thought of it. yuck.

i wanted to post a picture of a lizard (well, i realise that my entries are mostly imageless) but i can't bring myself to contaminate the blog with its sheer presence. geli dowh. i'm sure you know how a cicak looks like, right?

a crappy ramble

salary was in since last week and not surprisingly, i'm all dried up till next month, which is 3 weeks yet??! now is the time when you wish you had stocked up money while you had them and debating on what to use them for. all this while, my philosophy is spend when you can because you never know when you are going die. moreover, why need to leave your own hard-earned money to the people left behind? let them dig it themselves.

no, darlings, nothing to do with credit cards bills, just some things have come up that requires A LOT of money. so, no shopping sprees whatsoever. christmas sale is just around the corner and i'm already broke! sobs. and i was planning on shooting up to singapore next month. how depressing..

i had to work on the weekend so i took today off. office people called many times and as usual, i ignored them. i know it's their culture to take calls even on holidays, and i for one, will not play by that rule. i simply cannot allow some random strangers barge into my privacy at home while trying to enjoy a short break. one of these days, i might just get another number for personal use so that i can switch off the office number.

during the phase of silence with no updates, it's not like i haven't been writing. i have. they just ended up in draft mode. i couldn't bring myself to publish them. it's really hard for me to write knowing who the readers are. no, i'm not blaming you, readers, it's just the expectations that i have to live up to. then, there's the sesitivity issue i need to consider. no, that doesn't sound right. i write what i feel, or think and if some of you couldn't swallow it, hop to other places please. no grudges.

i write craps mostly, so if the readers frequent here for updates, then you must also like crap too. welcome welcome welcome! i must admit it's a long way yet for me to be sensible in dissing thoughts and such. but i'm planning to be there one day, so no worries. just need to find the right perspectives. like most loser writers use to say. :P

on a different note, the weekend was an eye-opener. there were things i learned and should have long time ago. now, i'm having second thoughts on quitting. yeah right, when i hit the office, i'll be screaming wanting to quit!! hahah. but seriously, i have to confess that i am the problematic one, nothing to do with the job itself. and if it couldn't get any more problematic than it is, i can't put a finger as to why or where. i am so effed up.

on top of it all, today was great. i did runs of videos. series of channels. hunk of junkfoods (but after reading hawa's post i want to puke). and cooked ayam merah madu for syarif. tomorrow will be a different story and i'm praying it'll be great as today.

7 months to our (dream) house. need to start planning from now. ideas anyone?

knight in armour

nothing new, or interesting to tell except for my boring work. i won't go into that because there's no point to that at all.

oh yes, syarif's back. i took 3 days off and spend most of the days in port dickson. that alone should have given me new strength to start anew, surprisingly it didn't and seriously, i need some deep thinking about this.

everyone deserves a chance at being happy and if i'm not happy where i am now, i shouldn't push myself just to make others happy. sometimes, a little bit of selfishness is all needed to take the big step. part of the blame is on me, i admit, because i always think that something good is sure to come along, if i'm patient enough. the thing is patience is never my forte and with all the whining i keep throwing around, it's a wonder if God wills to every of my whims. in my case, i think God want me to brave the first step, WITH His assistance, of course.

i realise that when it comes to making the right decision, i will be all alone. there will be strong supporters, i must say, but somehow that won't amount to anything because in everything i decide in the end will always be backed up. what i need is some convincing sound advice, giving the hard facts of every turn taken. because in the end, when things didn't work out as planned, the self-proclaimed supporters would say 'i told you so' forgetting the thumbs-up they give earlier.

in light of all this, i am still waiting for the shooting star to fall in my lap.