knight in armour

nothing new, or interesting to tell except for my boring work. i won't go into that because there's no point to that at all.

oh yes, syarif's back. i took 3 days off and spend most of the days in port dickson. that alone should have given me new strength to start anew, surprisingly it didn't and seriously, i need some deep thinking about this.

everyone deserves a chance at being happy and if i'm not happy where i am now, i shouldn't push myself just to make others happy. sometimes, a little bit of selfishness is all needed to take the big step. part of the blame is on me, i admit, because i always think that something good is sure to come along, if i'm patient enough. the thing is patience is never my forte and with all the whining i keep throwing around, it's a wonder if God wills to every of my whims. in my case, i think God want me to brave the first step, WITH His assistance, of course.

i realise that when it comes to making the right decision, i will be all alone. there will be strong supporters, i must say, but somehow that won't amount to anything because in everything i decide in the end will always be backed up. what i need is some convincing sound advice, giving the hard facts of every turn taken. because in the end, when things didn't work out as planned, the self-proclaimed supporters would say 'i told you so' forgetting the thumbs-up they give earlier.

in light of all this, i am still waiting for the shooting star to fall in my lap.

jumping bunny

i should be finishing off my work before joli2 with syarif, but lately, i seem to develop a concentration of a 3 year old child. 5 minutes on the report, that's considered lucky i must say, and the following 20 minutes on facebook.

that's the thing, facebook. i don't upload new photos. i rarely shout out current status. i don't do notes. i don't play games. so, why am i spending so much time on facebook? it's really bewildering especially when things are not done as they should. and procrastinating is becoming second nature, i really have to blame myself in this.

i thought if i switch on mtv for music it'd be easier for me to focus. but no. akon had to seduce me with his charming color. rihanna with her sexy moves. t. i too handsome for words. ciara, enticing. i'm losing track now. sheesh yelp!

i'm hoping for a miracle that by the time i rush off to the airport, the reports are safely deposited in the boss's inbox. i don't want work people to nagger me while i'm in the middle of doing something.. fun. which reminds me, i forgot to switch off 'follow me' mode. great.

see? i take a break even before i start work. can you see how hard it is for me? hahha. lame excuse. let's take it as a warm up before we get down to some serious writing. i dislike serious things, it makes me feel old. by the time i'm finish, my hair'd go all white and covered with millions of eye-wrinkles. hihi.

okay, serious time. ta.

green-eyed bogeyman

it's one of those days where you feel that nothing is right. everything looks gloomy, even the weather is overcast, reflecting your mood. i would imagine, if a mood can have colors, mine would be grey today. yes, i'm having one of those days.

have you ever feel like sitting down and cry out your heart for no apparent reasons?

have you ever feel like nobody cares a dimwit about you?

have you ever feel that everything you do is never right?

have you ever feel so dejected, rejected, and helpless?

have you ever feel you don't want to do anything at all, and i mean nothing at all, but just sit and mope around?

right now, i'm feeling all of above and more that even words won't do justice. i acn feel the tip of swelled emotions deep within me, waiting to spill out at the mere of stupid things.

the same thing happened last month and i had two accidents in a row within 2 days. after the second one, right after i settled with that person, i sat in the car and cried buckets for a good half an hour. not because i was hurt or anything, just because i feel it will make me feel better.

i am a person who seldom cries no matter how bad things get. i can always keep check of my emotions. even when i feel like crying i would push it back far inside, not wanting to admit that only weak people cry. so when things got really bad that week, i broke down. i went to a doctor and cried to her. she couldn't make out what i was saying. i was prescribed with ubat penenang jiwa. then i continued crying when syarif called, sitting at a corridor of shoplots building.

yes, he freaked out because he never saw me cry like that. he must have regretted marrying a lunatic. then, after i calmed down, i laughed really hard at myself for being such a weakling. i made a joke of it, in fact.

now it's happening again, should i laugh first then cry, or vice versa, or should i just keep shut the emotions stirring inside?

cooking up eggs and tails

blogger is acting up. i had to wait 20 minutes just to login. sheesh.

i broke my own record, i came in before 7 this morning and surprisingly, i was the first. i think everyone is late today because i don't hear any grill doors sliding open (note: finance dept who usually opens at 8am). oh wait. yeah, there it is, it just opened. at 8.15am.

i was absent from work yesterday due to period cramps. i thought of foregoing another day because i had awful cramps again this morning. but then i have loads of work, and i don't even know where to begin from, plus i'll be taking three days off next week. so, i had to swallow the pain and drag myself out of the house while men were heard still praying at a mosque. it doesn't help my mum telling me that my brother's friend told him two executives were sacked (she works at the same comany as i) because of too many no-show at work and had to pay back the scholarship. i told her that, it doesn't apply to me because my contract deal is different than theirs and if they had to miss so much of work, they should have come to my place. nobody would notice, i assure you, unless you are gone for an entire month. and that's a whole entire another story.

okay, i'm bored of talking about work already.

the house seems so quiet since the kids went back last night. who knew such a small body can talk alot while running and running around. it's funny watching the brother and sister doing their own thing. both of them will be doing entirely different things but at the same time they had to be together, especially the sister or else she will be screaming her head off. she and i had duels as to who has the loudest voice. of course i win all the time. hihihi.

can you believe that it's four days away already? but i feel like it's four months! need to figure out which work should be done first so that i won't be counting by the minute. i'm getting all dizzy thinking about him coming back and lets say that i have the same new bride jitters when i first got married..

wuhoo.

another monday, not blues

weekend flew so fast. suddenly, i'm back in the office, frowning in front of the computer.

when i left last friday, i took back office work, thinking that i will get them done. easy peasy as that when i'm on 'single' status. so who says that singles don't have a life? i could hardly catch my breath.

i'm officially broke too. but with a good feeling about it though.

married life will resume next monday. in the meantime, gazillions things need to be done. straighten the house, do some groceries, and of course straighten up myself. heheh. and plan a short getaway. is it selfish of me to kidnap my own husband away for a few days? after all, i haven't seen him for 5 months!!

haha. aku jahat. if possible, i want to be the only one there to meet him so that i could get him all to myself. tapi mesti apa orang kata. you marry the family too right? oh well, i could spare a few hours but don't spoil my kidnap plan or you won't want to know a hysterical woman pulling out her hair at the airport.

6 days more to go. now, i can feel the time literally crawls. quick, monday, quick!

lost in translation

since i commute alone nowadays, i always make it a point to get out of the house before at the crack of the dawn. it's like travelling at night, which makes me feel at ease and quiet. i love quiet moments so that i can think and plan out the day. but if i happen to wake up at 7, i promise you, you will see my butt out of the house after 9. trust me on that.

so i was up nice and early so i thought i would make a tuna sandwich instead of the usual chocolate cereal drink. and there were some salmon zenpan-something at 50% off at jusco last night, i had two of that. then a pinch of chicken chop (last night's too, imagine what cheap food can do to you!) and a full glass of diluted apple juice.

oh wow.

i thought i was going to throw up then.

i should have stopped at the tuna sandwich but the greediness got the better of me. and it was delicious. just that it doesn't settle well in the stomach early as that.

on a different note, i went to an interview yesterday. i never do well at interviews. i just can't stand the act of being evaluate. being at the toes of mercy. begging for a job. sheesh. and i met an old uni-mate, i bet he's good because, he is.

oh well. what else can i say.

but the moment i drove through the place, i know it's a place that i would love to come to work everyday. and did i tell you it would be traffic jam-free? and that it won't effect my bond with the current company because it's one of the subs? and that it's the particular unit that i've been eying for since last year?

oh but i did something that i'm sure i won't be hired any sooner, so let's just let the dream go okay?

okaylah, sambung kerja balik. wey susah tau nak translate technical subjects ni......

cerita countdown and many more

i'm blogging away at office. yes, on a saturday.

you would think i have turn into a stressed-up workaholic, but hell, no. nothing of that sorts. i had a few personal errands need to be done and can be done only at the office. anyhow, it kind of liberating coming in to work on weekends. no traffic jams. no long queues. i wish i can go to work on weekends only, i'd be the happiest woman on earth.

as i came in, there's a sports day organised by the students, with food stalls along the bosses' carpark. looks tempting enough, fried fishball on sticks are on my mind currently. maybe i'll drop by before i meet up with a friend. or some friends. hihi.

it's been 7 days without a word with syarif. at first, i thought it be excruciating for me, but oddly enough, it wasn't hard as expected. i think it'd be much harder for me if i talk to him everyday because of course i would ask more than that. ;p but when we're out of contact for than a week, it's easier on my conscience because then i wouldn't have that begging feeling all the time. it's true what people say, lagi senang kalau takde. technically okay, not literally.

just for the record, i just found out the men (tua and muda) in my office are doing countdown on syarif's kepulangan. can you believe that? i know they'll be waiting for me to come in office, looking all washed-out and tired. hello, i will be taking a whole week off so kudos to me. haha.

15 to go.