I am SHY

Hi all.

Hope everyone had a blast weekend because I had. I'm flat out with too much cooking and jalan-jalan plus Huda came over to my house. Did I mention that I'm doing beading for baju raya? Not mine though, just a customer who is willing to sacrifice her own baju raya. Don't worry, its coming out nicely at the moment.

Suddenly I'm feeling a bit shy.
Shy to write what is on my mind or what I have done.

I always thought that I'm writing for my own purposes, not for people to read. I mean, I'm aware that my blog is public, and there is no reason to be private, nonetheless I don't go around telling people that I have a blog. Because I'm a shy person.

Plus I decided to have a blog because I haven't written for a long time. Before I took English Literature, I used to write short stories but somehow I stopped. Writing compulsory assignments took away most of my creativity juices and leave none imagination whatsoever. Personally, I think one of the disadvantage of taking literature in Malaysia is that you don't have the freedom to write just anything. However, if you're stuck with a foreign lecturer then you'll be okay. You can just say or write anything without having to comply to previous critiques.

Another setback is that when I come to face the literature world, I realised that my writings will never be as good as theirs. Turns out that writing is not a simple task. You have to coin the right and proper words so that the whole gist is properly formed. Getting the right choice of words is the hardest. Later on I found that I can be a quite good critique. My complaining ability has come into hand at last. It must be two, either you become a writer or a critique.

I just got a call asking whether I am interested in a part-time lecturing at MMC. Teach English, of course. After I said yes, I had a panic attack. I am not good in public. Even if I know my subject well but when I face unfamiliar faces, everything I know will fly out of my head. And I am a paranoid too because I'll keep thinking that I will bore people and they wont like me at all. Gosh, I need to rethink back my reply. I don't want to feel pressured just because I will be having panic attacks everynow and then.

Come to think of it, I never expected any readers, well, besides my family of course.
When people ask, 'Oh you have a blog?', I don't know how to response to that.

Because I'm shy. ;p