time glass, an eyeopener

i've been coming to work as early 7.15 for a week, minus yesterday because it seems like aeons i am being good.

what else would i do (besides snoring at work desk) at such ungodly hours than reading my favourite blogs, right?

i was on this blog, http://naidschamber.blogspot.com/, reading about her experience as a PHD student in UK and she mentions a few friends of her who had lost life partners at young age too. so, i hopped onto that blog, http://meenyusuf.blogspot.com/, and i CRIED! i just can't help it, it was so sad and tearful, i can't imagine what she's going through because I can't imagine MYSELF going through the same thing. and i must say that she is such a strong person, regardless the pain she's dealing with... and she has a young daughter too, which made me cry even harder...

that open my eyes, we can never anticipate what could happen in the future. we could plan, save up millions of money, buy a car and a house but all that mean nothing once we are gone from the face of this earth... or if our loved ones should go first before us...

i know i'm a grumpy person by nature, easily irritated by the silliest gesture, and usually the nearest i.e. my husband would get the brunt end. i think over-reaction runs in our family. couldn't put the blame otherwise. ;p

and since we part ways everyday for work, i can really count the hours we spend together a day. minus the time he goes to the mosque, internet, playing games (i blame his iPhone!), family duties and so on. so how many hours, or seconds of quality time left for the both of us? nearly none, and thats why we have to make the best of everything...

i will try to be a good wife from now on. i will try to be calm before getting emotional on silly issues. i will try to be a good sister, a daughter, as a whole person. we could lie to ourselves, telling that we are still young and the future's wide in front of us, sacrificing the people we love just to get what we want. we have to march on, to make the best out of our lives and appreciate the people we love, while we still have time.

because after all, a loved person, once gone, can never replace all the Louis Vuittons in the world.

cat got my tongue and spit it out back

i wish i never checked the stats. i never do, in fact i didn't know its existence. stupid, i know.

it's just that when i blog, i just write down (anything that comes to mind) and posto! i rarely dig through the whole blogger thingy hence why you guys see my layout has been the same since god knows when.

now i have to THINK before i say anything, which i fail miserably i should say, but what the heck, this is just something random that i'm sure it wont cause any harm.

anyhoo, it's that time of the year again, CHRISTMAS SALE! of course i dont celebrate xmas, but it's one of the best sales in a year, yeah? and boxing day? i wish they have that in malaysia so we wont be deprived all that gorgeous sales. but then again, sales in malaysia can be a tad too deceiving, don't you think so?

so, if i'm anywhere that has boxing days or black fridays, i'd love to get my hands on these:

http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/tailoredlooks/9/2?extra=sch&n=women
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/tailoredlooks/11/2?extra=sch&n=women
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/missnrunway/13/4?extra=sch&n=women
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/tailoredlooks/4/1?extra=sch&n=women

yeah, i can't believe that i'm still a clutz in posting up pictures, let alone using the fancy schmancy photoshop. that'd be my next year reso - learn to be more gadget/it savvy. ;p lagipun, i'm giving u extra work to excercise those hands. hihi.. there's more but i have to keep my fingers all plump and spudgy. ;p

sadly all of that is just a dream. PUFF! i should be looking for lights and fans, airconds, sofa, all the household items. they are my priority as of now. or if i feel irresponsible later on, i'll pick up one or two from the long list waiting patiently on the next tab browser.

and oh, despite my saying malaysia's sales are deceiving, i cant help noticing that dorothy perkins stores here are quite affordable after discounts. jeans after discounted rm70, tops and blouses at rm70++. reasonable eh? after the conversion and all, still it's not that bad unless you can get DP blouse at 5 quids! one thing for sure, we can't beat gorgeous topshop jeans at 7 quids! no, man, wont get that in malaysia, i stocked up 3-4 pairs. heheh

happy shopping, you lucky lucky lucky people!

couldn't get any better than this

and i thought last week's news was bizzare enough, apparently not. this is even more sick, i tell you.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2954310/Gran-and-grandson-to-have-baby.html

what the world is coming to?

is there another place we can go to?

a friend over my cubicle was telling me about news she read from last week's local tabloid papers. of course, there's reason it's called a tabloid, the excuse to glorify all the gory news.

the main reason why i stay away from the news. politics, wars, crimes and social misconducts.

the news was about a brother and a sister, checked in a hotel and made an incest video tape.

what is the world coming to???

it seems nobody knows rights and wrongs anymore. father slash son's throat. son suffocate mother. brother pour acid on sister. grandpa rape 3 year old girl.

when these things happen, we just dont know who to point the finger to. parents? government? media? internet? peer pressure?

of course, the parents will always get the first and last 'guilty as charged'. pandai buat anak tapi tak reti nak jaga.

it's sad you know, knowing the society that we live in is no longer safe and secure. true, we shout for freedom of expression, we fight for our rights, we are pushed aggressively to think out of the box, to be creative and innovative, to be someone that stands out from everybody else.

but is this the price we are paying? in order to be that kind of society, we forgo our humanity? is that how it should be? we can be a healthy and productive society without all this unhealthy commotion right?

somehow, politics is playing big part in this. i know it's crucial for the betterment of our country but personally, our politicians are carried away by their greed of power and money. who has seen the news, where a party does not speak bad of other parties? it's bad enough that our media is one-sided (so much for democracy) just to cloud our judgement.

like the flood in north recently. yes, we are so thankful to B* for helping us out, giving food, giving shelter and money. we are really disappointed with P** for abandoning us like this bla bla bla....

why is it only one party who got all the name? how about other big corporations/organisations like, petronas, tm, to name a few. in fact, these big companies, especially GLCs channel their means to the government (which mostly are upon stricted orders).

we are blinded, people.

all we do good in politics is bickering, slashing people, pointing out others mistakes but never see ours. they even fight in parliament! so, when do they have the time to look into these social diseases?

i don't know what will become in the near future. i shudder to think the fates of my own children (if i have one day, insya Allah). or my nieces and nephews. seriously, parents, we just can't rely on the government alone, we need to take a firm hand on this. be firm, dont just let children get their own way because you dont want them to throw tantrums. there must be a limit or they'll never learn what is right or wrong. YOU are the parent, be RESPONSIBLE.

RELIGION is the foundation of all. don't be in too hurry for money and neglect religion because i know most parents want to provide the best for their children, branded clothes, expensive food, out of the world strollers, quite forgetting that religion teachings are important too for spiritual & conduct growth.

please, my friend, it's no longer a safe world.

sorry, wrong number!

yesterday. the funniest thing happened.

we went to see our new house's progress righting the defects. it sure is slow progress, into 3 weeks already and still, no updates from esatek. sometimes i want to strangle those people, never miss taking advantages in the mean time victimising us poor people.

back to the story. decided to cruise the neighborhood, just looking you know, what kind of renovations they have done, and who have move in, and so on. many ad posters/banners are up, screaming for us to take them up. oh well, since we are on a tight budget, we decide to just stick to the basics while waiting for another home ready, hopefully by 2012. then, unleashed powers baby!

sorry, side-tracked again. ;p so we arrived to our house. a car was parked in front of the gates. we were, ahh the contractor must be here to get things done quickly. (i had to threaten them we will be thrown out in the streets by end of dec).

so, we went in, the door was locked. tried our keys but to no avail. a worker came from next door and gave us the key, telling us to return it after that. i didnt think anything was funny, because i did report a defect on the main door of the house, so i assume they got the locks changed. wah bagus betul diorang ni.

we into the house and inspected any new progress. it seems that the defects we reported were fixed while many extra defects were tabbed. wahh memang bagus betul, very thorough without our supervision. were quite satisfied with minor details noted for the developer later on. locked up the house and returned the keys, when a neighbour opposite came up to us,

anak dia ke ni?

eh tak, kami tuan rumah lah.

eh yeke? kalau x silap saya, polis punya rumah ni. saya ikut dia tgk rumah ni. dah nak start buat renovation dah.

ya? dia silap rumah ke?

takkan kot, dua kali saya ikut dia.

we just nodded, uhuh kami nak balik cepat ni, when we saw the house number. 38!!!!!! not bloody 20!!! (i knew i hate that number) we quickly ran into our car, and burst into laughter. oh my god, how can we be such fools???!

giggling all the way, we finally stopped at the right house. yeap, definitely right, and truthfully i think my house fare better than the one we went to. it's just a matter of time, whether they can get them done on time or not.

after much debating, we went back to that pakcik and told him the real story. had to put on a straight face though. you never know, this is a police we are dealing with. ;p

we couldnt stop laughing until we went to bed.

what if the real owners came when we were in the house? dahlah polis, makkk!

holiday making

i am in dire need of going somewhere. anywhere that is cheap and fun. money is not at its strongest forte right now.

and that comes from someone who just got back from a short weekend stint in johor with a small burned hole in the pocket, and at the early month too. i mean, when do we get to spend wisely, it can't be too early of the month or you'd eat sticks and stones at the end of the month, which usually is the case regardless we are cautious in the beginning, right?

nevertheless, muar is a food haven. the only regret i have is i need to make more research because i know that there are more to explore in that little quaint town. i'll post up pictures later. ;p

so, naturally, you'll come to to office feeling bored after all the excitement, right? yeah, office will be busy in the new year. boss in not in the by the way, hence the blogging, and at the same time looking for places to go.

malaysia airlines is having great promotions and i found the best deal to jeddah at rm2500. cheap, yeah? and when i proceed to the next page, suddenly it was SOLD OUT!!!! i was tonggang terbalik frust babe! so yeah, jeddah's out of the question unless someone is willing to fork out some money for me. heheh.

this time around, i have planned out my 2011 leave since states is in the plan (i hope it still is when the right time comes), i need to use my leave wisely. couldnt waste them away for nothing. and even states doesnt happen, there lots of places to go to. uk should be in 2012 so people dont hassle me to go next year okay. tempat lain boleh lah ya. heheh

oh well, all this seems too good to be true of course. what with the house(s) coming along, i need to cut back on unnecessary expenses especially holidays. except the ones that i cant really miss and need to beg syarif to go. hihi.

okay back to work, woman. enough dreaming.

p/s: BUT i really need to plan something for jan 2011. it's what we call the opening curtains 2011 hahhahaha

wake up call

i'm sorry for such a depressing outlet yesterday. but i won't promise it will not happen again though.

as i face this space, trying to squeeze some ideas, my blog header screams at me.

'live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air'. the wise words of emerson.

that's what my blog should be about. being happy (at most times), always excited and curious to try new things and of course, the courage to bring and expose myself with new experiences, never stopping the need to learn. it sounds fun, yeah?

fear.

somehow, i never realise this familiar feeling of FEAR. it has been inside me for so long without knowing exactly when it placed itself there. sometimes, i mistake it for SHY. or timid. or anything that associate with being over bearing.

i used to be confident and always know what i want or where to go. BUT it was always with sudden decisiveness, taking risks on a whim so there was never a PLAN. that's the beauty of being young, stripped off responsibilities.

growing up was a pain. i think the moment started in primary school. out of a sudden, responsibilities were bulked on my shoulders. not the kind of earning money to bring food on the table, put clothing on the family, no no that kind. for such a young kid, at that time, piling homeworks were such frightening state to be in. heavy bags to and fro, extra classes, and major exams. as school classes weren't enough, extra classes were compulsory. if not by the teachers, by the parents of course.

and this went on until i got out the university with a degree.

i always hear people say you will miss uni years, the care-free life where you have no obligations. who am i to be fooled? as students, you DO have obligations, towards your studies, right? you have to make sure that your grades are on top at most times, so that you can secure good careers once you done. so, i really didnt agree with that as i frankly admit that i hate my study years. not the friends though, they are amazing, they keep me alive until today.

honestly, i miss the days before school was a serious state of affair. play all day, and play some more at home, do whatever i wish, just like a bird flying freely. and what i regret most is that, those years are so short, 5 years certainly are not enough. plus, how far back can you remember your early childhood? you start to remember at the age of 4, so what is left?

i was in denial, couldnt accept the fact that i am an adult now, having to make the wisest decisions of all, very careful of not screwing up because thats not allowed in the grown-up world. i need to wake up from this deep slumber, get my feet on the ground, 'live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air'.

thank you, emerson.

2010 is coming to an end, everyone is taking leave until next year so the office is quite somber and out of nowhere work comes piling in. it's bad enough being swamped in piles of papers, but KNOWING that these works will result zero-effect on the company, let alone me is pretty depressing.

Many a million times I said I should be grateful for what I have now. Not that I am not, I am, for certain things of course, but being stuck in a situation that is heading for point-blank, I really need to sit down and think. Fast. I am a hard believer of fate and that things always happen for a reason, may it be known or not. This would stop me into making rash decisions but now I think it's time I take a step ahead. For who knows, that step taken could change my fate altogether and let's hope that regrets wont root in.

Sometimes, I blame myself for being such a coward. I hate to admit that I fear leaving my comfort-zone. I mean, who doesn't right? You've made friends along the way, (near to non-existent) achievements to be proud of, the best stall at the work's food court, the most scrumptious horrible-looking curry puffs, strategic work station, loving & caring husband, wonderful families, (hopefully) great house and the list goes on. See what I mean?

Company is generously giving us a week leave starting Christmas until New Year. Perhaps I have to start look around and do some stress-relief activities. I might come back to work a whole new person.

a diet programme & other matters

this is going to be one mixed-up shambles.

ever since i got my work computer serviced, thanks to the trojan worms, i could only open one application at a time. all this while, being a dumbo in computers, i thought my pc was slow because of the viruses, hell yeah it was, but also it runs on 512 ram!! so, when i got the pc back, it was practically brand new with all the up-to-date applications, using windows 2007 and all. i was ecstatic, of course.

but it was short-lived.

i asked yatoque to help out for an internal hard disk, anything below rm200. her husband has this cool computer shop, selling cool gadgets especially for serious gamers, a car seat for a racing game anyone? you get the drift lah. she sounds a little surprised but promised to find out.

the verdict, it's the pc's RAM, my dear, and rm150 for 1gb. yes, pricey for a gb, so i asked around. remember, i'm a dumbo?

turns out the price she quoted is for old ancient computers, and even though my pc runs on 512 ram, it is not that ancient, folks. it's just the ram that's a bit outdated. heheh.

got that one solved, with the right specs and at reasonable price too. so go to her blog, i'm sure there's a link there to her husband's website. i'd do it for you, but remember one application at a time?? too lazy yaw. sorry babe hehehe.

*******************

the end of 2010 is drawing near. let me see what i have done/ achieved so far.

baby project - none but working on it, going for gynae appointments.

career - okay, looking at the bright side, but on the not so positive tone, i want that place in m**!

house - got the keys already, waiting for last minute detailing, AND in the process of a second house. LOL

holiday - anniversary trip to bali, singapore: gorgeous food and universal studio, penang: benl trip

financial - managed to curb shopping whims but i still can't resist on books!! at least that'd be lifetime investment, no? and still, a wee savings because life is too short not to spend spontaneously. ;p

and what else? oh yeah, the diet program. could stick to it for two weeks then off the track i jump for more than 2 weeks! :D

really need to be serious with my eating habits, i'm getting on (in years), wouldn't want to be sickly with genetic diseases. so, i did a minor research, just to pass time in the office. ;p

blood type diet. have you ever heard of this diet programme? i did, years ago, but i dismissed it hihihi. now, i'm looking at it again.

for an A+ type, i have to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle. most of the food that i love to eat is prohibited. dairy products (goodbye, cheese!), seafood (of crispy sotong, butter prawns!), meat including LAMB (except for chicken on rare occasion), certain vegetables, nuts and fish like cabbage, pistachios, brazil nuts, almonds, white flour, rice, bread, CATFISH and... basically the normal food i take daily.

so you see why i can never shed off these fats? because im not eating properly!! of course, we do need to allow some of the prohibited, only once or twice a year, NOT EVERYDAY. whoaa. i need the courage as big as the mount everest!

apparently, these A types have naturally thick blood hence the XXX food above because they can congest up our blood stream. and that's why most diabetese, high blood pressure, heart failure diseases are found common with A type patients.

so i'm a tofu and tempe person, y'all. *bluek*

the best blood type is O because these people can eat almost anything, tolak batu and kayu, no wonder they are universal blood donor. they need all the food in the world just to give us back a pint of blood. :)

besides that, i bought e-books from http://www.kevinzahri.com/ for rm40, a great package deal that consists of one book (a must buy) with survival tips&guide as freebies thrown in. and the best part is you get to access any future e-books from kevin zahri. well, i havent start reading yet, but im excited to so, i'll let you know once i'm done okay.

end of shambles.