qurban, a sign of 'prosperity'

raya was heavy with rendang (as usual), laksa johor, soto, and cookies that my ibu managed to squeeze in. so, please, tell me that i need to go on a crash diet?

monday at office is quiet. people are still away on holidays. i've always like to go to work on days like this, which means less work and easier to cut off a few hours. :P it is also the day good for outside lunch, and i'm debating on bukit damansara or just klcc. a department opposite to mine hosted curry mee in the morning, and its heaviness is taking toll on my eyelids. i can barely open my eyes and have been yawning my head off since 10am.

it's been a tradition to have a prosperity (at least once) every year. i have (tried) sworn off fast food because being me, fast food is really not a best friend. a few trips to mc donalds in a week can put a few pounds of bulge right on my thighs. no no. really not good. and to put on more salt on already open wounds, the people who always tag me along don't have any issues with weight... i hate you nana!

tapi, after all has been said, i am still going over to klcc, just for the sake of 'teman' nana. haha. gila lame. or i could just sleep off the craving at the back corner of my office.

cicak or lizard?

i have not been aware of the growing dislike for lizards. i always thought my detest has been saved for the roaches only. now it's not the case no more.

there was one time when i wanted to take a shower, a big lizard was splatting on the ceiling, right above the showerhead. imagine the creepiness of it staring at you with its bulging black eyes and twitching slimy paws while you shower. so i screamed.

another time was in the shower again, (what's up with the shower?!) and it jumped out in front of me. i screamed even louder.

or in the kitchen. jumping out of nowhere causing me to throw pans at the sink. i hate making a circus show out of myself, especially by slimy creatures. and you wouldn't want to see me killing one, because i would beat it with a broom in one hand, a sheltox in another and shrieking like a hoolagan, just for the sake of nak hilangkan kegelian. oh my shivers timbers!

so, since i'm calling in the pest control, and at a quite expensive price too, i'm going to make sure all those pests are gone. i can't bear living, especially alone, with cicaks attacking me. do you realise that cicak sounds even slimier than lizard? ugghhh. my hairs are all standing at the thought of it. yuck.

i wanted to post a picture of a lizard (well, i realise that my entries are mostly imageless) but i can't bring myself to contaminate the blog with its sheer presence. geli dowh. i'm sure you know how a cicak looks like, right?

a crappy ramble

salary was in since last week and not surprisingly, i'm all dried up till next month, which is 3 weeks yet??! now is the time when you wish you had stocked up money while you had them and debating on what to use them for. all this while, my philosophy is spend when you can because you never know when you are going die. moreover, why need to leave your own hard-earned money to the people left behind? let them dig it themselves.

no, darlings, nothing to do with credit cards bills, just some things have come up that requires A LOT of money. so, no shopping sprees whatsoever. christmas sale is just around the corner and i'm already broke! sobs. and i was planning on shooting up to singapore next month. how depressing..

i had to work on the weekend so i took today off. office people called many times and as usual, i ignored them. i know it's their culture to take calls even on holidays, and i for one, will not play by that rule. i simply cannot allow some random strangers barge into my privacy at home while trying to enjoy a short break. one of these days, i might just get another number for personal use so that i can switch off the office number.

during the phase of silence with no updates, it's not like i haven't been writing. i have. they just ended up in draft mode. i couldn't bring myself to publish them. it's really hard for me to write knowing who the readers are. no, i'm not blaming you, readers, it's just the expectations that i have to live up to. then, there's the sesitivity issue i need to consider. no, that doesn't sound right. i write what i feel, or think and if some of you couldn't swallow it, hop to other places please. no grudges.

i write craps mostly, so if the readers frequent here for updates, then you must also like crap too. welcome welcome welcome! i must admit it's a long way yet for me to be sensible in dissing thoughts and such. but i'm planning to be there one day, so no worries. just need to find the right perspectives. like most loser writers use to say. :P

on a different note, the weekend was an eye-opener. there were things i learned and should have long time ago. now, i'm having second thoughts on quitting. yeah right, when i hit the office, i'll be screaming wanting to quit!! hahah. but seriously, i have to confess that i am the problematic one, nothing to do with the job itself. and if it couldn't get any more problematic than it is, i can't put a finger as to why or where. i am so effed up.

on top of it all, today was great. i did runs of videos. series of channels. hunk of junkfoods (but after reading hawa's post i want to puke). and cooked ayam merah madu for syarif. tomorrow will be a different story and i'm praying it'll be great as today.

7 months to our (dream) house. need to start planning from now. ideas anyone?

knight in armour

nothing new, or interesting to tell except for my boring work. i won't go into that because there's no point to that at all.

oh yes, syarif's back. i took 3 days off and spend most of the days in port dickson. that alone should have given me new strength to start anew, surprisingly it didn't and seriously, i need some deep thinking about this.

everyone deserves a chance at being happy and if i'm not happy where i am now, i shouldn't push myself just to make others happy. sometimes, a little bit of selfishness is all needed to take the big step. part of the blame is on me, i admit, because i always think that something good is sure to come along, if i'm patient enough. the thing is patience is never my forte and with all the whining i keep throwing around, it's a wonder if God wills to every of my whims. in my case, i think God want me to brave the first step, WITH His assistance, of course.

i realise that when it comes to making the right decision, i will be all alone. there will be strong supporters, i must say, but somehow that won't amount to anything because in everything i decide in the end will always be backed up. what i need is some convincing sound advice, giving the hard facts of every turn taken. because in the end, when things didn't work out as planned, the self-proclaimed supporters would say 'i told you so' forgetting the thumbs-up they give earlier.

in light of all this, i am still waiting for the shooting star to fall in my lap.

jumping bunny

i should be finishing off my work before joli2 with syarif, but lately, i seem to develop a concentration of a 3 year old child. 5 minutes on the report, that's considered lucky i must say, and the following 20 minutes on facebook.

that's the thing, facebook. i don't upload new photos. i rarely shout out current status. i don't do notes. i don't play games. so, why am i spending so much time on facebook? it's really bewildering especially when things are not done as they should. and procrastinating is becoming second nature, i really have to blame myself in this.

i thought if i switch on mtv for music it'd be easier for me to focus. but no. akon had to seduce me with his charming color. rihanna with her sexy moves. t. i too handsome for words. ciara, enticing. i'm losing track now. sheesh yelp!

i'm hoping for a miracle that by the time i rush off to the airport, the reports are safely deposited in the boss's inbox. i don't want work people to nagger me while i'm in the middle of doing something.. fun. which reminds me, i forgot to switch off 'follow me' mode. great.

see? i take a break even before i start work. can you see how hard it is for me? hahha. lame excuse. let's take it as a warm up before we get down to some serious writing. i dislike serious things, it makes me feel old. by the time i'm finish, my hair'd go all white and covered with millions of eye-wrinkles. hihi.

okay, serious time. ta.

green-eyed bogeyman

it's one of those days where you feel that nothing is right. everything looks gloomy, even the weather is overcast, reflecting your mood. i would imagine, if a mood can have colors, mine would be grey today. yes, i'm having one of those days.

have you ever feel like sitting down and cry out your heart for no apparent reasons?

have you ever feel like nobody cares a dimwit about you?

have you ever feel that everything you do is never right?

have you ever feel so dejected, rejected, and helpless?

have you ever feel you don't want to do anything at all, and i mean nothing at all, but just sit and mope around?

right now, i'm feeling all of above and more that even words won't do justice. i acn feel the tip of swelled emotions deep within me, waiting to spill out at the mere of stupid things.

the same thing happened last month and i had two accidents in a row within 2 days. after the second one, right after i settled with that person, i sat in the car and cried buckets for a good half an hour. not because i was hurt or anything, just because i feel it will make me feel better.

i am a person who seldom cries no matter how bad things get. i can always keep check of my emotions. even when i feel like crying i would push it back far inside, not wanting to admit that only weak people cry. so when things got really bad that week, i broke down. i went to a doctor and cried to her. she couldn't make out what i was saying. i was prescribed with ubat penenang jiwa. then i continued crying when syarif called, sitting at a corridor of shoplots building.

yes, he freaked out because he never saw me cry like that. he must have regretted marrying a lunatic. then, after i calmed down, i laughed really hard at myself for being such a weakling. i made a joke of it, in fact.

now it's happening again, should i laugh first then cry, or vice versa, or should i just keep shut the emotions stirring inside?

cooking up eggs and tails

blogger is acting up. i had to wait 20 minutes just to login. sheesh.

i broke my own record, i came in before 7 this morning and surprisingly, i was the first. i think everyone is late today because i don't hear any grill doors sliding open (note: finance dept who usually opens at 8am). oh wait. yeah, there it is, it just opened. at 8.15am.

i was absent from work yesterday due to period cramps. i thought of foregoing another day because i had awful cramps again this morning. but then i have loads of work, and i don't even know where to begin from, plus i'll be taking three days off next week. so, i had to swallow the pain and drag myself out of the house while men were heard still praying at a mosque. it doesn't help my mum telling me that my brother's friend told him two executives were sacked (she works at the same comany as i) because of too many no-show at work and had to pay back the scholarship. i told her that, it doesn't apply to me because my contract deal is different than theirs and if they had to miss so much of work, they should have come to my place. nobody would notice, i assure you, unless you are gone for an entire month. and that's a whole entire another story.

okay, i'm bored of talking about work already.

the house seems so quiet since the kids went back last night. who knew such a small body can talk alot while running and running around. it's funny watching the brother and sister doing their own thing. both of them will be doing entirely different things but at the same time they had to be together, especially the sister or else she will be screaming her head off. she and i had duels as to who has the loudest voice. of course i win all the time. hihihi.

can you believe that it's four days away already? but i feel like it's four months! need to figure out which work should be done first so that i won't be counting by the minute. i'm getting all dizzy thinking about him coming back and lets say that i have the same new bride jitters when i first got married..

wuhoo.

another monday, not blues

weekend flew so fast. suddenly, i'm back in the office, frowning in front of the computer.

when i left last friday, i took back office work, thinking that i will get them done. easy peasy as that when i'm on 'single' status. so who says that singles don't have a life? i could hardly catch my breath.

i'm officially broke too. but with a good feeling about it though.

married life will resume next monday. in the meantime, gazillions things need to be done. straighten the house, do some groceries, and of course straighten up myself. heheh. and plan a short getaway. is it selfish of me to kidnap my own husband away for a few days? after all, i haven't seen him for 5 months!!

haha. aku jahat. if possible, i want to be the only one there to meet him so that i could get him all to myself. tapi mesti apa orang kata. you marry the family too right? oh well, i could spare a few hours but don't spoil my kidnap plan or you won't want to know a hysterical woman pulling out her hair at the airport.

6 days more to go. now, i can feel the time literally crawls. quick, monday, quick!