thank you for bringing me back

last week was my one of darkest moments.

two bad incidents happened and i'm grateful that i am still well and alive.

i may seem loud and boisterous but i always keep my emotional feelings/thoughts to myself. and what i usually do is to bury them deep inside so i wouldn't think so much about it, to the point that i barely remember what it's all about. but when things got out of control, we are only humans, everything gushed out in hard torrents. i have never shed that many tears in my life. i feel ashamed just thinking about it.

i could have lash out for what has happened but i checked. maybe it's a sign of what i had done to other people and now, it's my turn to know and feel what's it like. i have never felt so helpless, and there was noone to turn to. i learn that you can never depend on people too much, even your loved ones, because they are humans too and powerless, but learn to depend on The Almighty.

being alone gives me that chance of rebuilding the barely-lived relationship with God. i thought i will go mad living all by myself, but no, God in His unique way has shown His way of returning to Him. people would think i'm crazy talking to myself when all i do is having a conversation with God. like, Ya allah, Kau tolonglah tengokkan rumah aku sementara aku pergi kerja ni. selawat. is that crazy? because i BELIEVE that only God can prevent bad guys from breaking in. if i were to leave it to someone else, eh kau tolong eh jaga rumah aku. still, she couldn't have done anything if there were break-ins.

those are examples only, mind you.

i know i have done some things in the past that i'm not proud of. in the event of what happened, i take it that it's a form of repentance. there must be a reason for what took place. it's a kind reminder from God that i have relayed abit too far from him.

now i am at peace, mind and soul.

thank you.