leaving train

i was ready for office by 8am. i sat down on the bed until it was 9. then i decided not to go work. the long journey, alone, suddenly depresses me. it is not the fear of being on the road, it's the rising hot emotions within me upon seeing swarms of cars before me.

i am an open concept kind of person. i dislike houses with gates. i dislike houses wedge in between other houses. i dislike cars squeezing in front behind and sides, i dislike living in an apartment because the hallways/corridors can make me feel suffocated, i dislike being in the woods at night because it feels like the darkness envelopes over me. basically, i dislike anything that makes me feel a prisoner.

i am a free spirit.

when i signed up for marriage, i always pray that i won't feel like a prisoner. being in a system or a confinement can suffocate me too. i do not wish to confine myself to the needs of the society. with the circumstance as they are, i couldn't just give in to them. like, being childless for years, if i succumb to the thoughtless needs/expectations of the people around me, i will be a lunatic by now.

but i have faith in God. i know He listens to me everyday. as long as i have Him, i do not care what others may think of me. i also have faith in my other half. thank you for believing in me.

perhaps i should start a freelance.