am at noraini's place in sheffield. my lappie is cranking up more than usual, so it took half an hour just to get connected. yeah, tomorrow will be the first day of fasting. 2 hours shy of sahur time.
i just found out something that disturbs me a little bit. i am trying not to put much thought on it but it's still there, lingering. the lingering doesn't show any reaction, good or bad, yet. it's like waiting for a volcano to explode but if it were to explode, it should have by now.
not making sense there, i know. moving on.
it almost feels like it is next week that i will be going back. some part of me is trying to hold back the time but another part of me is missing good old home. time passes by and before you know it, i am on the plane to malaysia.
good god, i am going to miss the kids. yeah, even though i seem to grumble and whine about the kids but it was fun, i tell you. i'll be missing the little spunk. no more fights. no more shouting. no more teasing her. no more of having grown-up like conversation with her. no more of threatening to go back malaysia when she's being the most difficult ever. she can be the toughest but she can hit the softest spot in me. i couldn't be angry that long, after all she's just a little kid. i hope they will still remember me after 3 years. hahah.
it's going to be hard. i know so. some part of me, deep down, i feel wistful of what i am deprived of. i wonder if i will have my own kids one day? or would i just get into fights with the nieces and nephews only? perhaps there is a sign that i haven't able to see yet. but it's ramadhan, a month of blessings where most of your prayers will be answered. you just have to believe and have faith in everything you do. who knows, i might get knocked after syarif gets back. hahah.
okay, need to sleep of what the night is left. kang tak bangun sahur, tak larat nak jalan shopping.
ramadhan kareem, everyone!
Loss or lost?
3 years ago
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