i said "i'm from uia" with proud. 1st time. ever.

it's raining very hard outside. pertfect time for sleeping. ;p

i am always amazed by my own fickleness. like today. i had to emcee a function and some big-big datos' would be there. odw to work this morning, i had a major stage fright. tetibe je. aku pun xpaham. rasa macam ada banyak big butterflies in tummy sampai rasa nak muntah. perut berpulas-pulas.

i texted yatoque.

"weh, aku rase mcm major fright la. ak pun tatau nape.ak takut ni."

"alah, kau ni.jgn risau.mesti kau bolehnya.good luck eh."

"yela.thanks.ak cuak ni.ish.kau good luck eh nanti"

if she didn't have to attend a scholarship i.view, i wouldn't have to be this scared. at times of like this, i would curse and hate my job. i would promise myself to get another job so that i don't have to be scared shitless all the time.

another thing, i have this problem with the bosses here at work. i don't know why but i really hate them especially the janggut one. my boss's bf ever. memang padan mereka berdua tu. kalut lebih tapi taknak buat ape2. and then when something went wrong, they will never take the blame. padahal its their job to screen everything first kan? bongoks.

and another thing that i noticed is that if the ceo is happy with the turn-out, then no matter how big the mistake will be, it's ok. but if the ceo is moody, even the smallest thing yang kau rase mcm bangang kalau nak dimarahkan akan diperbesar2kan oleh mereka. tak ke gila kalut nama nya?

so i was cursing this janggut boss throughout yesterday. (agaknya sebab tu lah aku cuak lebih, kene badi dia ni). just because my boss is not around it doesn't mean that you can take advantage of me. or our dept for that matter. after various heated emails to him (which he didn't bother to reply at all), he was quite polite to me this morning. good, made my point there.

so did the emcee stint. and was praised by the big boss of hr. really flattered i must admit, after all the feeling muntah2 period i had to go through.

"oh you are good, you know"

"really? (gedik2s skejap) thank you, dato"

"you should audition for the internal emcees because we try to avoid taking outsiders. if we have good emcees, then its a bonus because after all, internal je pun. so where did you study? your english is quite good."

"tu lah, we are vey proud to have her at mm*" (that was my ceo)

"i'm from uia. and yes the medium used is english." (time tu bangga sket dgn uia ;p)

and that compliment really made my day (yela sebab yang janggut tu suka je cari pasal kan). but i don't think i can handle major stage frights all the time. it would kill me slowly. and quietly.

so there, i dont understand myself, do i really love doing what i do or not? i think im the behind-scene person. i guess.