As usual, when the school hols start, the office becomes a bit too quiet. To the point at 5.25pm when the centralized air-cond shuts off, silence is more like death. If someone happens to sneeze, you'll jump out of your skin. You could even hear the small ants walking on your desk.

With the boss out of town, you can imagine my state. Laziness could not describe the real picture. Everyday, I come into office at nearly 9am. Because you see, if the kids get to sleep in, why can't I sleep in a bit late too? Heheh.

Here's a bit of a joke for you guys. Since I've been complaining lately about how bored I am nowadays, suddenly I decided to take up lil brother's hantaran deco. Those who know me very well know that I do not have a creative bone at all when it comes to twisting ribbons and sticking roses.

Mom is a bit unsupportive and supportive at the same time. Supportive, she's glad that someone is going to do the hantaran as the aunty we used to deal with had a last minute emergency back-out. Unsupportive, because it's me who'll be doing it and because she happens to be my mother, of course she's doubtful, especially when I always do things half-way through. Heheh

I said, at least I got through my degree!

Anyhow, before you start being doubtful towards me, I'm doing this with a friend at my office. Bonus point is that she lives in Kajang. And of course, most importantly more creative than I because she made hantarans and what not for her own wedding. Well, I'm not asking too much, just a simple deco can say a lot more, right?

So, I did some research and googling, I can safely conclude that roses is the rage in town. Blue, red, yellow, purple, pink, cream, you name it. They have roses in every colour. Truthfully speaking, I am not a flower person and roses are the last choice I would make. Since I couldn't be bothered with my own wedding long ago (there were roses too!), I decide not to use roses for the lil bro's deco. I'm sure there are other poor flowers waiting to be exposed like lilies and orchids. Poor them!

The wedding's less than a month now, we are in the middle of planning a spree and doing some online research too. Seeing that I usually am cool and laidback, I can imagine mum's tearing her hair out worrying I might not complete the hantarans. We'll see, shall we?

Seasonal swings

I seem to realize that ever since I started working in 2007, I find myself most disoriented starting May until October/ September. That is, if the situation does not get any worse or it will go on until November.

This sickness is like a season, in my life cycle. I have 3 seasons, one, bliss happiness and carefree, two, disorientation and restless, three, anger and frustration.

I would be really happy and contented, everything I do or say in high spirit. Then after some time, the cheerful side wears off, plunging me into gloomy doom. I start to feel restless, having no specific aims and I begin to question, is this all I can be happy about? So I initiate a search, to find something that may spark interest again. When I fail (which is the most usual case), I fall deeper, feeling angry towards the world, lashing out to the closest and nearest, blaming at anything just to ease the frustration.

Then, I learn to forgive and forget. Back to the cheerful season and cycle goes on. I guess that's a reason why I forget things easily. Sometimes, I get things mixed up too.

At times, I ask whether this is what I really want, not just a thing that I'd do because everyone is doing it. Yes, as much as I hate to admit, I think, subconsciously, I tend to follow in people's footsteps. What's good for them should be good enough for me, right? So they say…

To make my disposition clearly complicated as it is, I have multiple choice disorder (MCD). (I may have mentioned this in the earlier posts). I have trouble in making the right decisions hence why sometimes I end up buying the same item in different colours. I'm afraid of making the wrong choices. Most of the time, I worried what if that other one is the right one?

That being said, I'm in search mode season now. I hope what I'm looking for will be the best thing. It's just a matter of time and patience.

When patience is not exactly my strongest forte.