rapuan

ini entry usaha menghilangkan ngantuk.

wow, this is my first post since i got back. bukan apa, it's not jet-lag yang membantutkan segalanya, i saja je buat diri sendiri jet-lag. because it feels like ages since i had tidur yg begitu puas. jadinya, bila masuk office, menganga je mulut menguap after more than 3 months of training tidur lepas subuh. ;p

oh ya, selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin semua! tau-tau jelah, i always say things right off the tongue without thinking and you know how bad that is, saying things without critical analysis. habis semua yang tak berkenaan pun boleh kecil hati.

surprisingly, raya was good. last saturday was the puncak segala-galanya. because i'm celebrating single, i had to attach myself onto the newly-weds, odah and akim. so we went to 5 open houses. 5, people! from early morning til late night. i can barely walk after that. odah lagi hebat, dia pergi 2 buah lagi rumah, wonders where she put all those food as i dah buang 1/3 of tangki in the afternoon. hahha. cayalah odah!

hari ini excited sikit datang kerja. i left home at 630am and arrived at 730am. one of the earliest. haa i hope it goes like this for a month. i harap2 sgt dapat makan lunch ikan keli and tempe goreng. lapar betul. tapi langit macam mendung, guruh dah kedengaran, kalau hujan, mmg terlepas lah ikan keli i. ;p

sedar tak sedar, we are 3 months away from 2010. time flies. i really lost track of everything. things that happened last year, i thought they happened this year. like, i thought i just bought a house this year, turns out it was last year and it's nearly done too. the house is coming along nicely, hopefully there'll be an openhouse/housewarming party next year. tapi semua duduk di lantai je ok kan?

hah, kan dah hujan! nak keluar tak boleh because ada orang tu tinggalkan kunci kereta dia, in case banjir, akulah kena alih keta dia. haih. ikan keli oh ikan keli!

oklah, dah hilan pun ngantuk. nak cari kawan pergi membaham.

little white rose

it was quite the most difficult decision i had to make. to leave my shoes or not. as shallow as it might sound, i have an indescribable attachment towards my shoes and leaving them behind will make me feel bereft and.. nothing. okay, call me shallow now.

after what was a really last minute shopping (thanks to those late orders coming in), i had to repack all over again just to accommodate the newly added spree. and leave out my things. so you can just imagine how i feel, going back without my familiar things in eye or beyond reach. it's not really the case of urgent need for the things but for the sake of comfort knowing them they will be there when you need them. haha. i console myself, would i really need all this in a month? so, yes, dear people back in malaysia come first.

i am more or less done with the packing, well i've been saying that for the past weeks, but you know, you're never done unless you finally get butt on the plane. a few hours shy away, i will be heading to london after iftar. flight will be in the morning 1.25am and reaches, insya Allah, 9.30pm tomorrow. need to get all the customs cleared first hence the early journey.

i can't wait to meet the family. it's been 3 months, i wonder what it would be like if it'd been years. lagi songsang jadinya. i had to admit, i'm quite sad leaving all this behind, being that they are good memories except a few hiccups here and there, but that's life. what i have to worry about know is WORK. then, my old life is back. hehe.

Goodbye, old england.

this could be my last say in uk (i think)

everything has to be crammed in the last minute. all of a sudden, time is running out. i am done yet with packing, had to lug everything out and sort them so that i can fit them in any spaces available. yesterday, i was down with another of the allergy attacks, my body was aching in pain, so i was packing for a few minutes then lying down for the most part. heh.

with what small spaces that i can muster in my already loaded luggage, i am planning to run into town for the last time today. that is, if the delivery is here earlier. the only delivery that has not yet arrived and which i placed the earliest of all three orders i made. i hope it gets here by tomorrow because after break-fast, i will be off to london. as usual, people always heap last-minute orders on you, thinking that you have all the time of the world. i will do my best, but if it's not available, i'm sorry..

i feel so excited coming back home. thank god i have a few days of breaking fast in malaysia. it's different in uk, nobody cares about iftars, let alone fantastic promotion deals. heheh. i know i have one session booked with a friend, yes, i will call you once i land, okay. however, when i was in bradford a few days ago, breaking fast was a merry occasion, being that bradford boasts of the highest immigration rate in england, if not one of them, and frankly, you won't feel out of the place so much. except that, on rare incidents, you tend to feel the outcast of a pakistani society..heheh.

speaking of bradford, it was such a memorable trip. meera picked me up around 12 and we toured manchester for some time before heading off to bradford. the weather was brilliant, in fact too brilliant, scorchingly hot and no wind at all. just like good old malaysia. its like the sun is making a grand exit before letting autumn takes over.

bradford is still the same, after 16 years, with a hint of change here and there without being too noticeable. priestman middel school, where i used to go to, was taken over by a beautiful housing area. newby primary school has extended fantastically. meera and i sat there on the grass (my favourite spot long time ago) for an hour and talked. we walked from little horton lane to ryan street, quite a distance i must say considering the fact that i was fasting. it wasn't that far as i used to remember, perhaps my legs are now longer than the short stubby ones years ago. :P
we had fish and chips, where my dad used to treat us to (yeah it's still there except it's brand new and spankier). i think the old version in brown paper drenched in salt and vinegar is still the best.

i will try to upload the pictures once i get the phone cable. camera died on me so i had to rely on my handphone, which also has gone a bit wanky nowadays. i hear people say that electrical goods bought in hot climate can't survive in cold weather. is it true?

anyways, enjoy the last bit of ramadhan because it is the best part of the month. this may be my last entry in uk, so wish me a good and safe journey y'all! so, please invite me to raya events because i will be back then!!

little bugsy-bug

today. outside, the sun shines brightly, almost blinding. inside, i feel feverish, cold draught seeping through skin touching the bones, making me shiver uncontrollable.

i had soured milk with kellogg's frosties for sahur this morning. didn't realise it had gone back until all the cereal was gone and i was onto sipping the milk. because it didn't taste so good on it's own, i poured it into my coffee. i didn't throw it away, thinking it's too little to let it go to waste and besides, what harm can it do?

so i underestimated the too little milk. it bugged my body system alright. after collecting nuha, i started not to feel good. nausea started to kick in. not the best feeling especially when you are on empty stomach. i had to lie down between doing chores or the dizziness would force me to vomit. that's how bad it is. in my case, anyway, because i'm a such crybaby when it comes down to pain and illness.

the best way to forget the pain is to go to sleep. even that seem to be an ordeal because somehow, i seem to float in between reality and sleep. i can feel myself cringing to stop the pain. i can hear noises in the background, making me want to scream to be quiet. how i wished he was here then. until it was time to break fast.

managed to get something in. nothing can make me abandon my love for food. however, didn't manage to get them stayed down. after magrib prayers, i rushed to the toilet bowl. there goes all my futile attempts of stuffing food in. i even ate ever so slowly so that the tummy won't be too shocked. oh well. we still have sahur. :D

6 days more to go.

i need to get this off my chest, only then i will go to sleep

i shouldn't be counting down the days but i couldn't help it. hence the impatience of waiting THE day. which is 7 days away.

you never know what can happen within that span of time. more money to be spent. mostly on trivial things and i go back wondering what have i bought to see such enormous bills? so, yeah, i'm officially broke for the time being. will take a few months to get back on my feet.

regardless the status of being broke, shopping is such a dull matter in england. the colors are so dead and unflattering. you will see seas of grey, black, brown and.. black again. because the weather is constantly cold, even in summers too, their fashion sense is too sombre. it's hard to find things in vibrant colors, as i am a fan of bright colors, which can be a turn-off at times. however, i must admit that some gray items are at really fabulous tones that can't be available in malaysia. even if they do, i can just imagine the ridiculous price tags that i won't consider of paying.

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in a blink of an eye, we are already on the 17th day of fasting. and to note, i didn't shed off any kgs at all but i didn't gain any, so that's a blessing. perhaps, fasting in malaysia is more effective due to hot climate rather than in cold. i couldn't remember the last time i sweat. very bad for health, the fat within the body must be all congealed and stubborn. :D

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for the past few days, i have been restless and a bit unease. many things are on mind that need to be taken care of. which can be done only once i get back. when things are a bit hard on yourself, only then you remember God (i know, bad of me!). but then, who would you turn to if not Him? at least, i'm glad that He's always there whenever i need Him. it's just that i need to remind myself that i have to talk to Him even when i'm happy, because after all, He makes it happen, right?

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please don't force me to make raya cookies, will you? reasons are, first, it's the first time i will be eid-ing without my other half. second, it's the first time we won't be together for eid. third, it's the first time we are apart for such a big occasion. fourth.. you get the picture okay? it's bad enough we didn't get to sahur, break fast and do tarawikh together, the three main events of fasting month. so don't make things any harder than it already is.

thank you.

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i still haven't got anything for ibu and ayah. it's hard to buy things for people that you think they already have everything. yes, i know it's the thought that counts. but then, how do i give things when my thoughts aren't attached to it? when i buy something for someone, i'd like to think that some one will be pleased with the gift. i just can't buy something for the sake of giving, it'd beat the purpose of giving then. after all, they are my parents and deserve the best. only thing is, what??

ramblings

driving in a foreign land can be a bit of mind-tiring. before you get on the road, make sure you know your directions well. you just can't afford to miss turns or you will end up on the wrong lanes, which is a big no-no. if you are not sure which exit to take at a roundabout, just stay in the middle or extreme right. at least you can make a whole big round and decide any exits you wish. people won't understand you getting lost or all muddled up with so many turns. not everyone is well off to own a navigator, you know.

haha.

being malaysian, of course i drive like one. i bet the british must be swearing, bloody asians! well, bloody you back, brits!

i'm almost done with the packing before i shipped them of this friday. there are more than 10 boxes. unbelievable! i'm done with all spreeing. except a few trips to certain stores. and a small expenditure on books at carboots. ;)

despite monday was bank holiday, and it's already wednesday, i can't help feeling that the days are crawling ever so slowly. the quicker i get back, the quicker sarip will be back. i hope. that is if he doesn't get extended. i'm tired of being alone all the time. moreover, we haven't been talking a few days, i get so tired easily.

speaking of tired, i think i'm done with all the house chores. i've done them enough to last a life time. or half of the time then. my hands are all chapped, skin peeling off, thanks to the washing liquid. i always use the gel-type back at home because that's the only kind gentle enough for my hands. i even made my mom to change that type or else i wouldn't do the dishes. tapi tu pun malas jugak. haha. it will take a year to get the broken skin smooth again. drama drama.

summer holidays is coming to an end. children will start school next week. need to get them up early this week so that they won't be too shocked waking at 8am. then, the week after that, malaysia, here i come!