missing home

i have never feel so lonely for a long time. syarif is away for a week and who knows how bad the internet connection can be. being on different clock time doesn't help because whe he buzzes me, i'm always not available. this morning, i missed him by a few minutes after he signed. gila sedih.

something happened last night, which i won't reveal here for certain reasons, that leave me feeling not myself today. i lost heart to talk to anyone, silence seems the best option right now. things that may mean little to other people can be big to me, depending who gets the end of things. of course, that goes to me without saying, i could hurt people too without noticing it. so, trying to be a mature being, i need to lick my own wounds, forgive and forget. i won't put blame on anybody in this, partly because i can be such a sensitive person for no apparent reason, and partly because there's noone to blame for.

right now, i can't wait to go back home and be with my own family. i miss having maggi sessions in the middle of the nights with my sisters and talk about silly stuffs with no boundaries. we would make 1 packet of maggi (diet reason overshadow the fact of sharing is caring ;p) souped with egg, lots of cili padi and various sauces. then we sit around the big bowl with chopsticks and spoons, laughing over stupid stories. then, there will be fights of who will finish up the last bit. haha. memories memories.

since syarif won't be around for a while, this is the best time to do that before i resume my role in married routines. that is, if odah is available as she's already tied down too, but if not, i will just have to settle down with qaya then. no offense there, girl! hihi.

2 more weeks. if only i can get someone to do the packing for me.

*sigh*