I seem to realize that ever since I started working in 2007, I find myself most disoriented starting May until October/ September. That is, if the situation does not get any worse or it will go on until November.
This sickness is like a season, in my life cycle. I have 3 seasons, one, bliss happiness and carefree, two, disorientation and restless, three, anger and frustration.
I would be really happy and contented, everything I do or say in high spirit. Then after some time, the cheerful side wears off, plunging me into gloomy doom. I start to feel restless, having no specific aims and I begin to question, is this all I can be happy about? So I initiate a search, to find something that may spark interest again. When I fail (which is the most usual case), I fall deeper, feeling angry towards the world, lashing out to the closest and nearest, blaming at anything just to ease the frustration.
Then, I learn to forgive and forget. Back to the cheerful season and cycle goes on. I guess that's a reason why I forget things easily. Sometimes, I get things mixed up too.
At times, I ask whether this is what I really want, not just a thing that I'd do because everyone is doing it. Yes, as much as I hate to admit, I think, subconsciously, I tend to follow in people's footsteps. What's good for them should be good enough for me, right? So they say…
To make my disposition clearly complicated as it is, I have multiple choice disorder (MCD). (I may have mentioned this in the earlier posts). I have trouble in making the right decisions hence why sometimes I end up buying the same item in different colours. I'm afraid of making the wrong choices. Most of the time, I worried what if that other one is the right one?
That being said, I'm in search mode season now. I hope what I'm looking for will be the best thing. It's just a matter of time and patience.
When patience is not exactly my strongest forte.
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