lost in translation

since i commute alone nowadays, i always make it a point to get out of the house before at the crack of the dawn. it's like travelling at night, which makes me feel at ease and quiet. i love quiet moments so that i can think and plan out the day. but if i happen to wake up at 7, i promise you, you will see my butt out of the house after 9. trust me on that.

so i was up nice and early so i thought i would make a tuna sandwich instead of the usual chocolate cereal drink. and there were some salmon zenpan-something at 50% off at jusco last night, i had two of that. then a pinch of chicken chop (last night's too, imagine what cheap food can do to you!) and a full glass of diluted apple juice.

oh wow.

i thought i was going to throw up then.

i should have stopped at the tuna sandwich but the greediness got the better of me. and it was delicious. just that it doesn't settle well in the stomach early as that.

on a different note, i went to an interview yesterday. i never do well at interviews. i just can't stand the act of being evaluate. being at the toes of mercy. begging for a job. sheesh. and i met an old uni-mate, i bet he's good because, he is.

oh well. what else can i say.

but the moment i drove through the place, i know it's a place that i would love to come to work everyday. and did i tell you it would be traffic jam-free? and that it won't effect my bond with the current company because it's one of the subs? and that it's the particular unit that i've been eying for since last year?

oh but i did something that i'm sure i won't be hired any sooner, so let's just let the dream go okay?

okaylah, sambung kerja balik. wey susah tau nak translate technical subjects ni......

cerita countdown and many more

i'm blogging away at office. yes, on a saturday.

you would think i have turn into a stressed-up workaholic, but hell, no. nothing of that sorts. i had a few personal errands need to be done and can be done only at the office. anyhow, it kind of liberating coming in to work on weekends. no traffic jams. no long queues. i wish i can go to work on weekends only, i'd be the happiest woman on earth.

as i came in, there's a sports day organised by the students, with food stalls along the bosses' carpark. looks tempting enough, fried fishball on sticks are on my mind currently. maybe i'll drop by before i meet up with a friend. or some friends. hihi.

it's been 7 days without a word with syarif. at first, i thought it be excruciating for me, but oddly enough, it wasn't hard as expected. i think it'd be much harder for me if i talk to him everyday because of course i would ask more than that. ;p but when we're out of contact for than a week, it's easier on my conscience because then i wouldn't have that begging feeling all the time. it's true what people say, lagi senang kalau takde. technically okay, not literally.

just for the record, i just found out the men (tua and muda) in my office are doing countdown on syarif's kepulangan. can you believe that? i know they'll be waiting for me to come in office, looking all washed-out and tired. hello, i will be taking a whole week off so kudos to me. haha.

15 to go.

word cage

i have less than half an hour to dwindle away before i start again the iso preparation.

this whole week has been really worthy of a month's salary, minus the monday, of course. even that, i have topped off by coming into office early wee morning (before 7am) and going back at 7.30pm. so tell me, aren't i dedicate enough?

this iso thingy is really rocking off my rocket. thinking that a new iso has been revised, i thought our procedure too has been improvised. but no, of course considering who resides at this old bunk place. too many loopholes and there isn't enough time to amend any crooks because the sirim guys are coming this monday. whew!

and another thing that i've been wondering, why would we need iso for when our customers are basically internal? so that we can boast to them, wah we got iso one lah, so we very good you know. as if they care at all. the reason we have iso in the first place was because we had education dept under us, but since they have become a subsidiary, iso seems so irrelevant. it's like people here haven't got enough work of their own as it is.

time's up. i'm retreating into a world of endless hassle and will merge when i'm done. then, i have something big coming up that needs extra care and attention. taa.

Aksi Jakun

Ye saya jakun. First time blog from Microsoft word version 2007. Asalnya nak buat finding report but suddenly popped out an option 'to create blog'. So gatal nak try. After this, If some of the posts are nicely capped (because I don't to capitals under normal circumstances), then you know I'm blogging from the office. Unless I own a new notebook in the near future (hopefully). But we still have to see whether this will go up or not. If you can read this, then berbaloi lah aksi jakun saya hari ini.

Yes, I was away from the office yesterday. It's such a relief. Skipping work becomes easier and easier. No more or feeling guilty. But don't get me wrong; when once I'm in the office, it'll be up til midnight. Okay I over-dramatised that part. I come in at 7am and go home at 8-9pm. So consider I got time covered nicely. Heh. I think blogging from word is a bit tiring because I keep on correcting the colored underlines.

Alright, yaw'll. Need to get the report done by today.

leaving train

i was ready for office by 8am. i sat down on the bed until it was 9. then i decided not to go work. the long journey, alone, suddenly depresses me. it is not the fear of being on the road, it's the rising hot emotions within me upon seeing swarms of cars before me.

i am an open concept kind of person. i dislike houses with gates. i dislike houses wedge in between other houses. i dislike cars squeezing in front behind and sides, i dislike living in an apartment because the hallways/corridors can make me feel suffocated, i dislike being in the woods at night because it feels like the darkness envelopes over me. basically, i dislike anything that makes me feel a prisoner.

i am a free spirit.

when i signed up for marriage, i always pray that i won't feel like a prisoner. being in a system or a confinement can suffocate me too. i do not wish to confine myself to the needs of the society. with the circumstance as they are, i couldn't just give in to them. like, being childless for years, if i succumb to the thoughtless needs/expectations of the people around me, i will be a lunatic by now.

but i have faith in God. i know He listens to me everyday. as long as i have Him, i do not care what others may think of me. i also have faith in my other half. thank you for believing in me.

perhaps i should start a freelance.

atas, bawah, mari sini, terima kasih

it's the last week of syawal and i'm sure everyone's rushing to hold openhouses at the last minute. speaking of which, there will be a makan2 affair tomorrow evening, just for family and friends. :)

there's nothing specific here that i would like to say. living true to it's name and theme, i rarely write serious stuff like discussing politics or current issues or anything that requires me to wring out ideas from my poor tired brain.

after tapping in serious work stuff, blogging seems such a relief, almost like a painkiller. to the point that i just want to write endlessly but it would be too much, i know. people will definitely say i'm gone off the crackers.

life's okay, i guess. been socializing around, so that helps the loneliness a bit. oh yeah, a funny joke. we were shisha-ing (haha) at damascus (i think that's the name) and this bangladeshi man told us he's been in malaysia for 3 years and still couldn't speak malay except for a few words. we asked him, what do you know then?

atas, bawah, mari sini, terima kasih.

we taught him a new word, sama-sama.

we shrieked in laughter. imagine sama-sama in the same order. haha!

poor man, he went away, confused.

social butterfly in cocoon

it's not like i have anything particular to say in here, just the need of tapping away the buttons. less than an hour, i'll be meeting up with good friends, whom i haven't seen since i got back from the uk, and will be having dinner in damansara. there's a restaurant that a friend has suggested ages ago. and there goes my diet again.

you know, it's weird that when you embark on a diet effort, suddenly all the food seems so scrumptious and salivating. even worse, the measly-looking pisang goreng can tempt with your taste buds. and thus, my friend, i need to reward a point to myself for succeeding swatting away all those jahat desires. heh.

but then, it's a goner if we go to damansara. i just can't simply order coffee only, can i? i mean, it will make me look so poyo. haha. saja je, cari reason to chomp down good food without feeling guilty. besides, i haven't socialise with those girls for a long time. 2 course dinner won't hurt. as if.

i'm planning of a getaway in november but not sure where yet. couldn't be too far, lest it'll be tiring. and not too near for people to come and disturb. ngahaha. project membuat anak harus bermula dengan intensivenya before one of us gets whisk away by work obligations again. hahah. (aku balik rumah ni mesti ada mulut murai tu duk cucuk2 aku ;p)

if you say it, 3 weeks, it doesn't sound so long right? but when you put them in days, 28 days to be precise, it sure sounds like a lifetime. huh, now's the time to wish time to fly faster, only then it won't. obviously..

it's monday today, we have 4 days to go till weekend, so have a nice week, y'all!

thank you for bringing me back

last week was my one of darkest moments.

two bad incidents happened and i'm grateful that i am still well and alive.

i may seem loud and boisterous but i always keep my emotional feelings/thoughts to myself. and what i usually do is to bury them deep inside so i wouldn't think so much about it, to the point that i barely remember what it's all about. but when things got out of control, we are only humans, everything gushed out in hard torrents. i have never shed that many tears in my life. i feel ashamed just thinking about it.

i could have lash out for what has happened but i checked. maybe it's a sign of what i had done to other people and now, it's my turn to know and feel what's it like. i have never felt so helpless, and there was noone to turn to. i learn that you can never depend on people too much, even your loved ones, because they are humans too and powerless, but learn to depend on The Almighty.

being alone gives me that chance of rebuilding the barely-lived relationship with God. i thought i will go mad living all by myself, but no, God in His unique way has shown His way of returning to Him. people would think i'm crazy talking to myself when all i do is having a conversation with God. like, Ya allah, Kau tolonglah tengokkan rumah aku sementara aku pergi kerja ni. selawat. is that crazy? because i BELIEVE that only God can prevent bad guys from breaking in. if i were to leave it to someone else, eh kau tolong eh jaga rumah aku. still, she couldn't have done anything if there were break-ins.

those are examples only, mind you.

i know i have done some things in the past that i'm not proud of. in the event of what happened, i take it that it's a form of repentance. there must be a reason for what took place. it's a kind reminder from God that i have relayed abit too far from him.

now i am at peace, mind and soul.

thank you.

free bird

listening to VP just now at one of our annual raya celebration push me back on track. so inspiring, it was least expected especially when i was already half-way dead. literally. if i were to quit some day, i would like to leave behind great impression and everybody will remember what i have done.

haha bongkak bongkak. no, i think it's better to leave with respect and dignity.

half-drowned

for the endth time, i console my heart to be grateful for what i have. it is so hard to do that when you are stuck in a position that you never wish to be in nor that you have any choice to let yourself out. suddenly, i miss my 3 month stint of escapism.

yes, call me a coward. i never thought myself feeling scared shitless of reality, which i still think i don't, but what makes me feel more ashamed is that i run away before facing the real thing. i'm not saying that i am a care-free spirit, because i'm really not, considering i can be so unabashed of other people's feelings, but i hate feeling the weight of burden people put on me. already, i'm waking up feeling like an old lady.

i believe there are certain things that happen for a reason and i tend to search deep the whys. there must be a reason why i turn out like that, right? but somehow, i couldn't fathom the outcome of all this. is it a sign of acceptance or is it that i have to fight against it in order to gain happiness in life?

sometimes, we live by our decisions. i have made decisions that i regret ever so much but that just shows how human we are. if i know things will come to this, i would have turn the time back and redo everything. but then, i could have made the same choice all over again. when the pressure gets to you, you have to do anything by all means to survive.

it's life. you just have to make best of it.

i don't know if i do.