What I wouldn’t Do For Briyani Lamb and Nasi Kandar

Excuse the emotional entry below. It's hard to keep up the façade all this while.

On a different note, I've been hitting the gym in a month now. This means I go once every 3/4 days and that does not help much at all. I have to be more diligent and disciplined in my regiment, to at least shed off the stubborn fatty fat-fat. Since I am intolerable to pain, I know I have real work cut out for me. So, if I happen to skip gym, I will try not to eat after 7pm, while trying to eat healthily during the day. Agak2nya, berjaya ke cara ini?

On top of it all, the sole reason I'm going to the gym is so that I can eat whatever I want without letting it stay as fat in my body. Rather than eating my way out, then doing nothing, I see this as an alternative to eat as much without feeling guilty gobbling up sinful spread of food.

Hence the need to run for 5km and 20 minute sauna, to break even with briyani lamb and nasi kandar I had over the weekend. ;p

cold blood

disturbed. shouldn't be feeling this way. but i am and it makes me feel bad. because i shouldn't feel this way.

uneasiness. trying too hard. to blend in. to be one. standing out. stark naked. awkwardness.

irritated. seeing things not in the right place. right way. tired of picking up after things. dejected, finding locked doors. everytime i try to reach out, i stumble across closed doors. repressing true feelings.

it shouldn't be this way. really. it's not right. and i can't seem to do anything about it. really.

transition

in times when my creativity is much needed, i have failed. i miss writing crap. too much of serious issues makes me an old woman, quicker than i anticipated. sometimes i wonder, why make things simple so complicated? so that you can go around and tell people how busy you are with massive workloads, when it could've been easier. for you and for me.
thats the bad side of working in such a big organisation. you can't really satisfy anyone, and being me, i tend to take things personally.
nonetheless, i've been busy with reading, which makes me happier, what with all the ridiculous workload. and that explains why i have been away quite some time from internet.
upon some requests, i have entries yet to be published like ayah's birthday celeb but i need an entire lifetime to upload the photos. after this, i will not promise pictures anymore because i know i am not like that. ;p

ok, back to the serious world.

Laundry business

Of all the house chores I hate doing laundry the most. Gathering used clothes, putting them in the machine, waiting for them to be done, taking them out, hanging them according to type and length, and folding them based on colour and type. All of these seem to take up more time than I bargained for, especially when clothes get too piled up I had to fold them begrudgingly.

Oh, don't mention about ironing. Thanks to ibu, I send clothes to be ironed every Thursday. Her maid lah, of course.

In spite of my much dislike for the tedious task, I would not let others do my laundry, even Syarif. I have my own standards of doing laundry, which I know it irritates Syarif at some point, but in the end, who will wear the clothes? Yours truly, right.

I do washing every few days and separate them by colors. Wouldn't want to spoil the whites/ lighter colored clothes. I have decided daia as my faithful detergent and daia (blue) as the favourite softener. I'm such a sucker for smells so these are the ones I have narrowed down, thanks to spending hours in detergents aisle at Giant.

When the clothes are done, they need to be hanged within a few hours, maximum by 3 hours. Meaning, I expect them to be hanged nicely, kurung paired with kain, syarif's work shirts and t-shirts by row, undies in one line and thick clothes lined sparingly with thin ones so that they will look neat and tidy but most importantly, easy to dry. There are at times I have no mood to hang them and had to ask syarif's help and I would cringe looking at the way he did them, which I did not dare to rectify for fear of hurting his feelings.

If there is one thing I cannot tolerate in laundry business is the smell of abandoned washed clothes, even if it's only for a day. I hate the smell and would wash the clothes again because I know that if you attempt to wear them, the body sweat will trigger the most horrible kempam smell. If you're thinking of saving on water bill, then you should remember other people's feelings around you. If not, get them washed again, or even better, dry them quickly after the machine stops.

Laundry business and I is like a hate/love relationship. As much as I hate doing laundry, I love the aftermath of it, its fresh smell putting my mind at peace, making all the efforts put into hard work worth it.

It’s not what you think

Things are beyond my control, I need to get a grip before everything is lost.

All I need is self-determination, a belief that I can do it.

A whispering comfort telling I'm not a quitter.

Maybe God knows that you are still not ready. He knows what is best for all of us, says he.

I don't know, I can never bear with pain. How am I going to go through all this? asks she.

Prayers, prayers and more prayers. After all, it is all that we have in the end.

Something to look forward

First
day in, there was no break in between. Well, except for a quick lunch and prayers. Then another meeting at 3 but was postponed to 4, so this is a breather I'm chancing upon.

Tomorrow will be my dad's 55^th birthday and you know how you never know what to get for parents since they have everything they needed, if not more. So I decided to treat him dinner at a place I've been eying on for quite some time, waiting for the right occasion. Since my dad is retiring soon this year, I think this should call for a celebration of hard work putting us siblings through school and all.

Will tell you guys more tomorrow. This time, I promise to take photos (I will make sure sarip does :P) and post up here. At least I have something exciting to look forward to in the midst of piling works.

Another 4 day weekend

Whoa I can't believe how much work it's going to be this year. The reality has finally sunk in, hard labour is just starting at full force. Come to think of it, it's not the burden of work that scares me, it's the burden of responsibilities (read: plural) towards the top management, especially the ceo. That means I cannot afford to make silly errors/mistakes which, if you know me well, I can never really live without with. I seem to attract all the mistakes in the world and can be so oblivious at most time.

So, I need to get a grip and list down what I should do/need to be organized.

• Learn how to focus and pay full attention in discussions/meetings. This is because I usually can focus the first 30 minutes and last 30 minutes. Daydreaming is the best time in between. Hence, the lost in a forests of words and ideas.
  
• Learn how to take notes in meeting. Well, beside the same reason as above, I need to google up some useful tips and tricks. When I can give my 100% attention, taking down important points will be much easier.
  
• Learn how to complete tasks as required, as excellent as can be. Like now, I don't have the faintest clue on how to workout a 1 page communicating on KPI with target revenue and all. There goes my whole weekend.
  
• Go extra mile. As quoted by my boss, be visible. By all means. Hence more study on how to kipas donkey's ass.
  

Okay, I think that's all I can think of right now. And making list is never my strongest forte. Maybe that's what I need to improve on, making lists. ;p

Will be on leave till Monday, so have a nice long holiday!