live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air ~ emerson

heloo, i hope you still remember me!

2011-09-27T04:50:00.001+08:00

So, the previous post was about my foot, yeah.. Until recently, i have been on painkillers.. To be honest, husband wasnt too thrilled seeing me swallow the white pills everytime the foot starts acting up. I wasnt too, either, since i proclaimed myself a self healer. But because im such a wussy when it comes to pain of all sorts, i just had to succumb to this cowardice.

Husband urged me to see a tukang urut for ages. You see, i sprained my ankle in high school while doing long jump. Landed quite badly i must say, and the foot swelled up nicely. A friend tried to urut but it was so painful i nearly kicked her! I resorted to painkillers (whats wrong with me!) and bandaged it up praying hard it will look normal again. Of course it did, but look what i have to endure now...

I cant be on my feet all day without feeling it sore at night. Had special guests from singapore coming over for dinner. My foot were starting to act up so i decide to dish up simple menu, without putting too much pain. By the time cooking was done, i just can barely walk! But i can put such an act that people dont notice easily. Haha. Cleaned the house and everything. Come morning, im in pain! And it didnt help when husband urged me to go along with him to all 5 openhouses! The last house we went to, i had to struggle my painful foot into the shoe without crying out loud!

So i ajak husband to the clinic for more of those fun pills. I hate doctors, to be honest, im just scared of them. Any mentions of needles, drilling or whatsoever related to doctor, j can just freak out. But for the pills, i sanggup! Husband was adamant, no more pills for you! We go see tukang urut and get that foot of yours right, once and for all! I tried to convince him berurut while on painkillers. At least i wont feel any pain. Haha! He wont hear of it...

Off to the tukang urut and man! I bet all her neighbours are used to hear screams from her house! Husband said i sound so crazy because i was laughing off my head. I said i had to, i cant be crying in front of that makcik, hilang my dignity. Even though im a wussy kan! I was making too much noise. Belum sentuh pun dah terjerit and tertiba teringat my childhood, i always start yowling before my dad hit me. Its a psychological reaction, it lessens the pain. Haha. He rubs it in my face ever since then.

Its been two days since the urut. The day after being urut, i felt extreme pain. I couldnt walk at all. I was cursing the makcik, making me feel even worse. I was tempted to go to clinic for my pills. Good thing it was a weekend, got the husband to wait on me, hands and feet. Muahaha. And today i woke up feeling abit better. The pain is almost going away. But i still walk like a robot though partly because i was afraid of hurting it again, and partly the foot has gone all stiff. And yeah, perhaps i will go to that makcik urut again for the whole body massage!

P/s lets just hope this is gonna be the last entry on my foot. Its quite embarassing already, as if thats the only exciting thing happen in my life. I sure as heaven will try to spice up this blog soon. Its been too long i know! :-)

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Harus sembuh cepat, esok mahu berjimba

2011-08-16T21:50:00.001+08:00

Yeah, i know.. This is not the best time to be here after more than a month of silence. But i need this to take my mind off the pain.

Yesterday was my usual house chores day (dusting and vacuuming), except i put an extra notch, i mopped the entire house. That means 4 rooms, living area, dining area, tv area and 3 bathrooms!

By the end of it all, i was totally flat out and decided to iftar outside. ;)

Wait, thats not all yet.

Throughout the night i kept moaning and whining how tired my poor feet were. I vowed never to mop the house again! Usually that is syarif's expertise. I massaged my feet so gently before to sleep.

So this morning, i was rudely awakened by an excruciatingly painful left foot, right at the big thumb area. I could barely walk! And alone too..

Called odah to find the nearest tukang urut. Thank God it's right next to my housing area. Then called maisa for to send there. She has an appointment with a spa and couldnt possibly cancel, just for me. -__-

Was a bit hurt but decided to go by myself. Even wearing shoes hurt, it puts pressure on the foot. I was checking back my tears, feeling so sorry for my foot..

Got to the place in one piece, alhamdulillah, and hobbled in pain to cross the street. The funny part was i acted as if nothing happen tapi bila masuk je klinik terus nak pengsan!

It is a homeopathy clinic, darus syifa'... Registered and waited for the tukang urut. He checked and said,

"Bagi dia lintah seekor. Satu je kang satu seksyen 15 dengar dia menjerit."

I freaked out lah! Pacat and lintah tak boleh buat main2 boleh mati kegelian kot.

"Eh urut je tak boleh ke? Saya tak boleh lintah ni, geli!! Lagipun saya takut darah..."

"Kena buang dulu darah kotor, baru boleh urut. Nanti bengkak lain plak."

Yang peliknya, i just went along what the ustaz suggested. I malu lah nak buat scene sebab takut benda kecik.

Half an hour passed, lintah tu tak nak gigit lagi!! Rasa nak muntah feeling the sliminess kat kaki. Good thing memang kat kaki, so i can't see the lintah. Cuba kalau kat tangan, macam mana??!

Had to puncture the skin first, get the blood out then the lintah latched on. Didn't feel its bite but again the slimy body is enough to make me gag!

Doesnt help that the lady attending to me dozed during the treatment. When she started, she pulled the lintah just to see whether still latching on ke tak o__O

Nearly an hour passed. The lady informed paling cepat sejam. I was counting by the minute. I was bearing the pain and geli at the same time. I cried the whole time.. Walaupun bertwitter dengan geng

To the point i couldnt bear any longer, i was going to tell her to stop the treatment, it was over. Then the massage began. I cant describe how hurt it was. I was crying even harder.

When everything was over, i paid and went home. Not surprisingly, lagi sakit adalah. Throughout the time kat treatment tadi, i was wondering why i didnt go to see a real doctor. I shouldnt have gone to urut first. At least kena scan la dulu kan, who knows it could be muscle tear ke.

Sakit gila. Nak solat pun azab. I cried to sleep just so i dont feel the pain. Itupun restless sleep. Nak pegi clinic betul macam malas dah. Sebab nak jalan pn seksa. Not like anyone would want to dukung kan.

Thought of putting a photo of the lintah treatment. But nak tangkap gambar pun grosses me out. Google image lagi nenakutkan, google lah sendiri at your own risk.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

if only i could fly freely

2011-07-22T11:47:00.001+08:00

decided to sleep at the parents' last night. hubby has been away since tuesday and i've been keeping my own company so why not i show up unannounced? as if they would be surprised.. pfft

too many events piled up this coming saturday, which is tomorrow. have to choose wisely, i can't cut up my body just to be in all the places at once. i would have gone to a trip to jb if i hadn't need to be on standy to fetch hubby at the airport. sheesh..

lately, i have been quite a recluse, finding that my home is such a blessing. i tire easily of useless conversations, especially with strangers. it drains up my inner energy just to muster some effort in humanly contact.it's a disease, i know, not wanting to meet people.. more than once i have cancelled meet ups and such just because i didn't feel up to it.. but there are good days when i just can't get enough of them.

was rudely awakened by two birds flying around the room. they were trying to find escape. i squealed and hid under the blanket. i was helpless, i wanted to help but at the same time i was.. abit squeasy.. one bird were struck down by the fan and i nearly cried. i just run out of the room, praying hard that the surviving one will find its way out.. yeah, i managed to open all the windows first.

the point is? i don't want to end up like the bird, seeing its partner lifeless and no where to go. i'm so depressed..

difficult babies

2011-07-12T02:31:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling a bit sad tonight...

i knew this would come eventually but i won't let it spoil today spent with syarif. it was great fun, we rarely get to go out on dates now, he's so busy with work and all, so we made the best of what time we have. watched transformers (at last! tickets were selling fast!) at the cineplex damansara and had the whole suite to ourselves! of course, we can only do this on special occasions or else it will take out the whole meaning of celebration right? ended the night with dinner at my favourite mamak, fareez maju. ;)

few days back marked our 4th year of marriage. i feel like it was only yesterday we got married. i was in pekanbaru at the time, hence the special date today, i nearly cried when syarif texted saying, we have a whole life to make babies, when the right time comes. i asks him, why is it so hard for us and so easy for others?

we once discussed about adoption and both mutually agree that it's not an option as of now. we are still young and we just need to work harder than everyone else. perhaps, this is my part of Allah's testing patience. a neighbour of mine, she got married last year at age 30 and just delivered a baby. it just shows that marrying at a very young age doesn't mean you can easily get babies. at least, that's what she said to me.

someone in the family just had a baby girl, and so cute with chubby cheeks! i could hardly resist not to pinch the cheeks, if she was mine i would have done so. ;p and hopefully (it's still early!), lil sister is pregnant #2, another addidtion to the crowd. and even though i am happy for them, i just couldn't help feeling a little bit.. off.. as if i'm cutting myself away from all this. there are days when i just feel like leaving everything and crawl into a hole where no one can find me and look at me wondering, why she is still childless.

i am so paranoid now. i know strangers would ask random questions whether i have children and of course it's not their fault they don't know or they wouldn't ask, would they? but even that, i find it very offensive, as if giving a good hard slap is the right answer. i just think there must be other questions that are not too personal eh?

but reading wani ardy soothes me down. i love her writing, her words touch me in many ways. i am humbled by the fact there many women out there who are just like me, going through rough patches. it's just a matter of time before we find a greener side of grass. naturally, the grass patch will thin out to another rough spot and we need to work the patch so the grass will grow back. it's life, it's a cycle, it's inevitable.

oh well, here i am, 4 years old being married and still act like an immature child. no wonder i can't produce one yet. ;p it's okay, people will see me smile graciously when these million dollar questions pop out.. but don't be surprise if you hear teeth gritting with annoyance. it means you need to get far away as possible. ;p

that reminds me, i still need to visit yatoque and her baby boy!

i'm still alive..

2011-06-22T08:25:00.000+08:00

.. but kicking with one leg.

when i first started out this blog, it's just to make my daily job bearable. so now, since i've been practically jobless starting last february, i was abit astrayed. it's not my nature to let known my true emotions in public, but let me just say this, what's done is done. i couldn't be more happier than before.

last night, we went to alamanda, to sign up for digi broadband. syarif couldn't bear to think i am alone doing nothing at home. i've refused many times, mind you, with excuses i ahve my books to keep me company. i think he's just signing up for himself, perhaps i don't entertain him enough, what with being married for nearly 4 years. lol. but anyways, here i am, blogging again after more than 2 months of silence.

AND i happen to bump into someone that i would not rather meet in another lifetime. i think i can just leave the gossipmongers behind. wouldn't miss them a bit at all. good riddance to them!

had the kids at my house over the weekend. they were so excited to see STAIRS. i forgive them, since they live in a condo for most of their little lives. haha.

the first thing they ask, 'mana toys aunty sheya?' '-_-"

i woke up to their whisperings. the brother suggests to go downstairs and explore. the little sister agrees. they quietly open the door AND close it. wow. i let them be for nearly 30 minutes, knowing that they can't do nothing much as my house is practically empty. when i came down, the kids were lying on the sofa, i think gossipping about school, teachers and friends. ahaha. how cute is that?

my parents will be coming back this friday. i can't wait to see what they will bring this time. hehe. and then, we have a quite huge food-laden gathering this sunday, to celebrate granma's birthday.. and that night, will be off to bangkok for a few days. i'm so excited about the trip, it's been ages since i get to go travel. ;p

alright, this is just a warm up after so long a silence. let's hope that i will continue to write more. i have so many things crammed up in my head, but the minute i try to write, everything freezes. they just don't look right when you put your thoughts in words. we'll see what we have for tomorrow, yeah?

who says homemaking is easy?

2011-02-02T02:06:00.000+08:00

yeap, definitely out of their minds...

cleaning, arranging home and such like have never been my forte. well, i do imagine most times that i can do them anytime easily. but tell me, i wast prepared such hard work just to put away my crocks, pans, dinner sets, spices, belacan, basically everything!!

i vow to get those tupperwares for storage one day!

however, i just need to gloat about this, the only thing i did today that im proud of is cleaning out the fridge. the horror of it, i tell you! all those frozen food throughout these years! my aunt intan would have a fit. dont worry, i wouldnt even try to cook them let alone eat them! it's just that throwing things away takes up so much of my precious time and i can think better ways to have fun than do house chores. ;p

im crazy in a way that nobody gets to mess up my fridge arrangement, not even syarif! only i can create the mess or rearrange things. so imagine the torture i felt throughout the year of seeing my arrangement getting all strewn over. and i never knew i have this obsession until i move in with syarif's parents. because i never cared any mess or disorder around me, i'm just that klutz! but anyhow, i take it as a learning curve, putting boundless limitation to my patience. and it's quite hard when syarif always teases me about it. ;D

and oh, did i tell you that im blogging from my new house? can't really call it a home yet, doesnt have that ambiance a home should have. the living area is full of boxes and plastics, bits of paper, dust (carried with the boxes) and all sorts of rubbish. and another problem i found, i cant decide what to throw out and what to keep. i mean, what if i need it in the near future, right?

so, everytime i cleared a few boxes, a new mess is created. to the point i feel useless of clearing things up because i can never get them done!! such exaggeration, i know! and because i havent installed any cabinets or storage places, its hard for me to stash all my things. dont let me start with my uk visit last 2 years. (that long????) who knew i could accumulate 15 boxes in just 3 months? being that nearly half of them are my books. and there are still boxes at my inlaws. hahah.

all this hype is good, i guess, because then i wont have time to be miserable. im letting things go in accordance. its better this way, i hope. dont ask when's the housewarming. just come over anytime, because i just found the best mamak ever in my neighborhood! ;p

Short update

2011-01-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

I ve been pretty much occupied these past few days. Our house is coming along nicely. I had just washed and mopped the living hall and kitchen. As im typing this, syarif is on fours making the kitchen toilet all nice and ready.

The kitchen countertop is done even though the tiles werent the ones we chose. But since the contractor is such a nice guy and would gladly have them replaced, we were pressed for time before the housewarming do next week. So the price was compensated, the workmanship is quite good for a malay contractor and bottompart is no holes have burn our pockets, yet.

We plan to move our things day by day, starting tomorrow. At least it wont tire us out, a week to get this packed, heaved, unpacked and placed. So maby things to do so i guess i wont have time to feel or think about some matters that can make cry and pull out my hair.

P/s:why is it the moment i want to post pictures something will always stop me doing so. Its either im too lazy to look for the cable, or the pics are with someone else. Now its because i cant figure out posting pics from a phone!!!

the last straw

2011-01-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

if there's one thing you should know about my boss, he's a gossipmonger. i heard a saying somewhere that when men gossip, they are even worse than women. and i stand true to this claim.

scenario 1

coming out of a meeting room, i ask, "who was that lady in red kurung?".
meaning, i want to know her position in the company.
his answer will go like this, "ahh, can you believe that she's the second wife to such and such. that's why she's a bit mean and stern.. she must feel so insecured.."

scenario 2

during a discussion on work, he says, "ermm, can you call puan s? she's the one in charge now.."
i say, "oh really, she took over the position now?"
he says, "uhuh, did you know that she took maternity leave for 2 months when in fact she just adopted a newborn baby? people have been talking about it. so, you can imagine bla bla bla..."

scenario 3

heading towards our workstation, he comments, "ahhh, so this baby belongs to wife number...?"
referring to popped up pictures of a colleague's baby daughter.

scenario 4

in a meeting, he declares proudly, "I only got to review the programme's module"...
another declaration, "I manage to increase response rate by 300% than last year, so I should get level 4 for this year.."

scenario 5

walking through the vp's room, he sees vss documents, "oh they are signed already? can i have a look at them?"
the secretary, "no, it's p&c..."
he insists anyway, because a secretary is just a secretary.

scenario 6

his favourite past time, making up stories. there's a lady, single with a good position, who fell in love with him, head over heels. she'd willingly be the second wife. his question, "what would you do in this situation?"
i answer, "just tell her i have a wife whom i love very much and i'm sorry that i don't feel the same way as you do."
his response, "noo!! you can't say that directly, she's in an emotional state, for all we care she could have jump off the building"
me, while walking away, "no wonder men like to cause trouble for being too nice"

scenario 7

he can be so heartless. for someone who declares to be professional in handling situations, he sure does show a display of outrageous emotions. a small mistake, and straight away dismissed. that is, if you are on not-so-good terms with him. else, you could just be another invisible person who couldnt hurt his career in any way.

****************
there are a lot of things he and others did that made me think, is this what a corporate world is like? you push people over whoever gets in your way, without considering their feelings and thoughts, just so your career wouldnt halt? do you ever think what you are giving your family to eat?

sometimes, i think it's better off that i stay at home. i dont need to answer to anyone's orders except syarif's. i wish i'm eloquent and articulate enough so that i could take up translation jobs. teaching is hard. what else can i do?

miscommunication is THE norm here. for a telecommunications company who boasts of being the country's leading new generation communications provider, sure as hell sucks big time in communications. it's a good thing that you have your ass covered by the BIG MAN up there or i dont know where you would be...

god must have not forgotten me

2011-01-13T18:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i think human tend to think he is greater than God. especially when it comes to judgments.

no human is free from making mistakes, secara sedar atau tidak. but i believe that most wrongdoings are intentional, it's just a matter of repenting or not, in time.

and even that, after all the wrongdoings commited, with God's grace, you're pardoned because of one little tiny good deed, done out of utmost sincerity.

there's no court in the world can be as fair and just, regardless of millions of lawyers.

yes, i, a human being, couldnt run from this fact. i have done some things that i am not proud of, something that i may think it's not serious but it's life and death to others. i'm frivolous that way, i mean life is too precious to be too serious at all times.

i admit i did wrong but i hate the fact how justice is carried out unfairly. this is a lesson for me, and you out there. don't ever believe the person who put you in a sticky position. not even your boss, heck, not even your flesh and blood. yes, sounds harsh, but that's how life is.

your own wrong doing, your own consequences. i just can't believe i blew my chance away, poof just like that! i regret that very much, deeply i must say, but as i say i have to learn to deal with it. all i hope is that there's a positive side behind all this, even though a wrong-doer like me shouldnt get second chances.

when these things happen, you tend to reflect of what you have done in life to be stuck like this. i know that im not a good muslim, i do try to the best i can, im not a good wife either, or a sister or a daughter. but im trying my best...

im thankful for being put into the right path again. thank you Allah.

weekend pondering

2011-01-08T18:35:00.000+08:00

i'm having a crisis at work.

i know it's of my wrongdoing. i know i shouldn't have done what has been done. i know i should apologise for what had happened.

only thing is, my ego is too big to swallow and spit out the S word.

working in this kind of environment has made me into a bitter, heartless, arrogant, hard-headed person. i don't know what went wrong but i should have been stronger to fight all this. i have become so corrupted to the extent of not knowing the the start or the end of it. every wrong seems right, every right seems ridiculous.

i have to admit, i hate the person i'm becoming now. but i can't stop what is happening to me. retaliation seems to be the best cure for now.

however, its maddening to know that you can turn a blind eye on other people's mistakes while a person whom you dislike, you tend to earth up every single damn thing. and just because you are in the higher power, doesn't mean you can do such thing, toss around people you don't like. a leader should be fair at all times, and must abide all the rules in the book. so that, you can be an example to your staff, and people won't say back, why is he pissed off because i did that and that when he can do this and this..

i'm not really good at lying but when i do, i usually get caught. it's like a curse or something. or perhaps it can be a good thing because that means i have to be always honest and true. which kinda sucks because working in a dog-eat-dog world, everyone would rather eat dog shit than to stand up and say no politely.

i drafted a 500 word text message to send to my boss, telling him everything what i feel and such. am still debating whether to send or not. whether its the right thing to do or not. hmm, i guess this is the sign from a bad nightmare i had few nights ago.

why, baby, why?

2011-01-07T11:02:00.000+08:00

my mood is as grey as the skies today.

i had a really really really bad dream last night. i even cried in my sleep.

i woke up to syarif's calling my name. he hugged but i pulled away and turned back on him. i couldn't bear the pain i felt in my dream, it was so real. in the dream, he made me cry with my whole heart. that's me, getting all confused with dreams and reality.

i come into work feeling all shrivelled up. i can feel a part of me is still crying quietly, for no reason.

i wish there's a guarantee nothing bad will happen in this life. and that's life, you just can't predict what will, can happen. you just have to take it bravely and trudge on. and most times i doubt that i am strong enough to face all these things. yeah, i may look tough (and meaty) on the outside, but the inside, it's like a jelly wobbly ready to fall anytime.

oh shit, look what a bad dream can do to you.

1st of the '11

2011-01-04T16:45:00.000+08:00

oh wow, 2011.

i expected to feel different, but the truth is, i don't even know what to feel or expect for a new year. as if 2011 crept in quietly without much notice. and i never keep track of dates when i'm on holidays. such denial.

except for a few resolutions, which i can't be bothered to write here, for what else is new if not to lose a few pounds, right? ;p

so, i'll just list places that i wish to visit for this year:

USA
Jeddah
Korea
Krabi
India

that's for now. i have to be realistic this year, since i'm in the process of moving out and money doesn't grow on trees. who would spend 3K on curtains alone?? *cowers behind toilet bowl*

oh yeah, the renovation process. it's coming along nicely, lights and fans have been installed, glass stickers planted on kitchen windows, and... more of cruising around looking for curtains and few furniture. really, i'm all for glasses in a house but knowing the price just to cover them up made me think twice now.

of course, it's going to be rented in a few years time, but as i told my family, i wouldn't want to live in a rented-look place. it's been 3 years and more and i need a place to call my own even for a short period of time. mengada kan.

and yeah, i decided to install kitchen cabinet, which i find quite reasonable the price. got that from syarif's friend. so, i'm expecting to move in by end of this month. let's hope everything goes as planned.

p/s: i just noticed this writing post template is new. even blogger has new resolutions!

time glass, an eyeopener

2010-12-23T09:16:00.003+08:00

i've been coming to work as early 7.15 for a week, minus yesterday because it seems like aeons i am being good.

what else would i do (besides snoring at work desk) at such ungodly hours than reading my favourite blogs, right?

i was on this blog, http://naidschamber.blogspot.com/, reading about her experience as a PHD student in UK and she mentions a few friends of her who had lost life partners at young age too. so, i hopped onto that blog, http://meenyusuf.blogspot.com/, and i CRIED! i just can't help it, it was so sad and tearful, i can't imagine what she's going through because I can't imagine MYSELF going through the same thing. and i must say that she is such a strong person, regardless the pain she's dealing with... and she has a young daughter too, which made me cry even harder...

that open my eyes, we can never anticipate what could happen in the future. we could plan, save up millions of money, buy a car and a house but all that mean nothing once we are gone from the face of this earth... or if our loved ones should go first before us...

i know i'm a grumpy person by nature, easily irritated by the silliest gesture, and usually the nearest i.e. my husband would get the brunt end. i think over-reaction runs in our family. couldn't put the blame otherwise. ;p

and since we part ways everyday for work, i can really count the hours we spend together a day. minus the time he goes to the mosque, internet, playing games (i blame his iPhone!), family duties and so on. so how many hours, or seconds of quality time left for the both of us? nearly none, and thats why we have to make the best of everything...

i will try to be a good wife from now on. i will try to be calm before getting emotional on silly issues. i will try to be a good sister, a daughter, as a whole person. we could lie to ourselves, telling that we are still young and the future's wide in front of us, sacrificing the people we love just to get what we want. we have to march on, to make the best out of our lives and appreciate the people we love, while we still have time.

because after all, a loved person, once gone, can never replace all the Louis Vuittons in the world.

cat got my tongue and spit it out back

2010-12-22T09:20:00.004+08:00

i wish i never checked the stats. i never do, in fact i didn't know its existence. stupid, i know.

it's just that when i blog, i just write down (anything that comes to mind) and posto! i rarely dig through the whole blogger thingy hence why you guys see my layout has been the same since god knows when.

now i have to THINK before i say anything, which i fail miserably i should say, but what the heck, this is just something random that i'm sure it wont cause any harm.

anyhoo, it's that time of the year again, CHRISTMAS SALE! of course i dont celebrate xmas, but it's one of the best sales in a year, yeah? and boxing day? i wish they have that in malaysia so we wont be deprived all that gorgeous sales. but then again, sales in malaysia can be a tad too deceiving, don't you think so?

so, if i'm anywhere that has boxing days or black fridays, i'd love to get my hands on these:

http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/tailoredlooks/9/2?extra=sch&n=women
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/tailoredlooks/11/2?extra=sch&n=women
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/missnrunway/13/4?extra=sch&n=women
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/tailoredlooks/4/1?extra=sch&n=women

yeah, i can't believe that i'm still a clutz in posting up pictures, let alone using the fancy schmancy photoshop. that'd be my next year reso - learn to be more gadget/it savvy. ;p lagipun, i'm giving u extra work to excercise those hands. hihi.. there's more but i have to keep my fingers all plump and spudgy. ;p

sadly all of that is just a dream. PUFF! i should be looking for lights and fans, airconds, sofa, all the household items. they are my priority as of now. or if i feel irresponsible later on, i'll pick up one or two from the long list waiting patiently on the next tab browser.

and oh, despite my saying malaysia's sales are deceiving, i cant help noticing that dorothy perkins stores here are quite affordable after discounts. jeans after discounted rm70, tops and blouses at rm70++. reasonable eh? after the conversion and all, still it's not that bad unless you can get DP blouse at 5 quids! one thing for sure, we can't beat gorgeous topshop jeans at 7 quids! no, man, wont get that in malaysia, i stocked up 3-4 pairs. heheh

happy shopping, you lucky lucky lucky people!

couldn't get any better than this

2010-12-21T08:52:00.002+08:00

and i thought last week's news was bizzare enough, apparently not. this is even more sick, i tell you.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2954310/Gran-and-grandson-to-have-baby.html

what the world is coming to?

is there another place we can go to?

2010-12-20T15:54:00.005+08:00

a friend over my cubicle was telling me about news she read from last week's local tabloid papers. of course, there's reason it's called a tabloid, the excuse to glorify all the gory news.

the main reason why i stay away from the news. politics, wars, crimes and social misconducts.

the news was about a brother and a sister, checked in a hotel and made an incest video tape.

what is the world coming to???

it seems nobody knows rights and wrongs anymore. father slash son's throat. son suffocate mother. brother pour acid on sister. grandpa rape 3 year old girl.

when these things happen, we just dont know who to point the finger to. parents? government? media? internet? peer pressure?

of course, the parents will always get the first and last 'guilty as charged'. pandai buat anak tapi tak reti nak jaga.

it's sad you know, knowing the society that we live in is no longer safe and secure. true, we shout for freedom of expression, we fight for our rights, we are pushed aggressively to think out of the box, to be creative and innovative, to be someone that stands out from everybody else.

but is this the price we are paying? in order to be that kind of society, we forgo our humanity? is that how it should be? we can be a healthy and productive society without all this unhealthy commotion right?

somehow, politics is playing big part in this. i know it's crucial for the betterment of our country but personally, our politicians are carried away by their greed of power and money. who has seen the news, where a party does not speak bad of other parties? it's bad enough that our media is one-sided (so much for democracy) just to cloud our judgement.

like the flood in north recently. yes, we are so thankful to B* for helping us out, giving food, giving shelter and money. we are really disappointed with P** for abandoning us like this bla bla bla....

why is it only one party who got all the name? how about other big corporations/organisations like, petronas, tm, to name a few. in fact, these big companies, especially GLCs channel their means to the government (which mostly are upon stricted orders).

we are blinded, people.

all we do good in politics is bickering, slashing people, pointing out others mistakes but never see ours. they even fight in parliament! so, when do they have the time to look into these social diseases?

i don't know what will become in the near future. i shudder to think the fates of my own children (if i have one day, insya Allah). or my nieces and nephews. seriously, parents, we just can't rely on the government alone, we need to take a firm hand on this. be firm, dont just let children get their own way because you dont want them to throw tantrums. there must be a limit or they'll never learn what is right or wrong. YOU are the parent, be RESPONSIBLE.

RELIGION is the foundation of all. don't be in too hurry for money and neglect religion because i know most parents want to provide the best for their children, branded clothes, expensive food, out of the world strollers, quite forgetting that religion teachings are important too for spiritual & conduct growth.

please, my friend, it's no longer a safe world.

sorry, wrong number!

2010-12-20T12:38:00.002+08:00

yesterday. the funniest thing happened.

we went to see our new house's progress righting the defects. it sure is slow progress, into 3 weeks already and still, no updates from esatek. sometimes i want to strangle those people, never miss taking advantages in the mean time victimising us poor people.

back to the story. decided to cruise the neighborhood, just looking you know, what kind of renovations they have done, and who have move in, and so on. many ad posters/banners are up, screaming for us to take them up. oh well, since we are on a tight budget, we decide to just stick to the basics while waiting for another home ready, hopefully by 2012. then, unleashed powers baby!

sorry, side-tracked again. ;p so we arrived to our house. a car was parked in front of the gates. we were, ahh the contractor must be here to get things done quickly. (i had to threaten them we will be thrown out in the streets by end of dec).

so, we went in, the door was locked. tried our keys but to no avail. a worker came from next door and gave us the key, telling us to return it after that. i didnt think anything was funny, because i did report a defect on the main door of the house, so i assume they got the locks changed. wah bagus betul diorang ni.

we into the house and inspected any new progress. it seems that the defects we reported were fixed while many extra defects were tabbed. wahh memang bagus betul, very thorough without our supervision. were quite satisfied with minor details noted for the developer later on. locked up the house and returned the keys, when a neighbour opposite came up to us,

anak dia ke ni?

eh tak, kami tuan rumah lah.

eh yeke? kalau x silap saya, polis punya rumah ni. saya ikut dia tgk rumah ni. dah nak start buat renovation dah.

ya? dia silap rumah ke?

takkan kot, dua kali saya ikut dia.

we just nodded, uhuh kami nak balik cepat ni, when we saw the house number. 38!!!!!! not bloody 20!!! (i knew i hate that number) we quickly ran into our car, and burst into laughter. oh my god, how can we be such fools???!

giggling all the way, we finally stopped at the right house. yeap, definitely right, and truthfully i think my house fare better than the one we went to. it's just a matter of time, whether they can get them done on time or not.

after much debating, we went back to that pakcik and told him the real story. had to put on a straight face though. you never know, this is a police we are dealing with. ;p

we couldnt stop laughing until we went to bed.

what if the real owners came when we were in the house? dahlah polis, makkk!

holiday making

2010-12-20T11:48:00.004+08:00

i am in dire need of going somewhere. anywhere that is cheap and fun. money is not at its strongest forte right now.

and that comes from someone who just got back from a short weekend stint in johor with a small burned hole in the pocket, and at the early month too. i mean, when do we get to spend wisely, it can't be too early of the month or you'd eat sticks and stones at the end of the month, which usually is the case regardless we are cautious in the beginning, right?

nevertheless, muar is a food haven. the only regret i have is i need to make more research because i know that there are more to explore in that little quaint town. i'll post up pictures later. ;p

so, naturally, you'll come to to office feeling bored after all the excitement, right? yeah, office will be busy in the new year. boss in not in the by the way, hence the blogging, and at the same time looking for places to go.

malaysia airlines is having great promotions and i found the best deal to jeddah at rm2500. cheap, yeah? and when i proceed to the next page, suddenly it was SOLD OUT!!!! i was tonggang terbalik frust babe! so yeah, jeddah's out of the question unless someone is willing to fork out some money for me. heheh.

this time around, i have planned out my 2011 leave since states is in the plan (i hope it still is when the right time comes), i need to use my leave wisely. couldnt waste them away for nothing. and even states doesnt happen, there lots of places to go to. uk should be in 2012 so people dont hassle me to go next year okay. tempat lain boleh lah ya. heheh

oh well, all this seems too good to be true of course. what with the house(s) coming along, i need to cut back on unnecessary expenses especially holidays. except the ones that i cant really miss and need to beg syarif to go. hihi.

okay back to work, woman. enough dreaming.

p/s: BUT i really need to plan something for jan 2011. it's what we call the opening curtains 2011 hahhahaha

wake up call

2010-12-16T17:32:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry for such a depressing outlet yesterday. but i won't promise it will not happen again though.

as i face this space, trying to squeeze some ideas, my blog header screams at me.

'live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air'. the wise words of emerson.

that's what my blog should be about. being happy (at most times), always excited and curious to try new things and of course, the courage to bring and expose myself with new experiences, never stopping the need to learn. it sounds fun, yeah?

fear.

somehow, i never realise this familiar feeling of FEAR. it has been inside me for so long without knowing exactly when it placed itself there. sometimes, i mistake it for SHY. or timid. or anything that associate with being over bearing.

i used to be confident and always know what i want or where to go. BUT it was always with sudden decisiveness, taking risks on a whim so there was never a PLAN. that's the beauty of being young, stripped off responsibilities.

growing up was a pain. i think the moment started in primary school. out of a sudden, responsibilities were bulked on my shoulders. not the kind of earning money to bring food on the table, put clothing on the family, no no that kind. for such a young kid, at that time, piling homeworks were such frightening state to be in. heavy bags to and fro, extra classes, and major exams. as school classes weren't enough, extra classes were compulsory. if not by the teachers, by the parents of course.

and this went on until i got out the university with a degree.

i always hear people say you will miss uni years, the care-free life where you have no obligations. who am i to be fooled? as students, you DO have obligations, towards your studies, right? you have to make sure that your grades are on top at most times, so that you can secure good careers once you done. so, i really didnt agree with that as i frankly admit that i hate my study years. not the friends though, they are amazing, they keep me alive until today.

honestly, i miss the days before school was a serious state of affair. play all day, and play some more at home, do whatever i wish, just like a bird flying freely. and what i regret most is that, those years are so short, 5 years certainly are not enough. plus, how far back can you remember your early childhood? you start to remember at the age of 4, so what is left?

i was in denial, couldnt accept the fact that i am an adult now, having to make the wisest decisions of all, very careful of not screwing up because thats not allowed in the grown-up world. i need to wake up from this deep slumber, get my feet on the ground, 'live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air'.

thank you, emerson.

2010-12-15T14:43:00.001+08:00

2010 is coming to an end, everyone is taking leave until next year so the office is quite somber and out of nowhere work comes piling in. it's bad enough being swamped in piles of papers, but KNOWING that these works will result zero-effect on the company, let alone me is pretty depressing.

Many a million times I said I should be grateful for what I have now. Not that I am not, I am, for certain things of course, but being stuck in a situation that is heading for point-blank, I really need to sit down and think. Fast. I am a hard believer of fate and that things always happen for a reason, may it be known or not. This would stop me into making rash decisions but now I think it's time I take a step ahead. For who knows, that step taken could change my fate altogether and let's hope that regrets wont root in.

Sometimes, I blame myself for being such a coward. I hate to admit that I fear leaving my comfort-zone. I mean, who doesn't right? You've made friends along the way, (near to non-existent) achievements to be proud of, the best stall at the work's food court, the most scrumptious horrible-looking curry puffs, strategic work station, loving & caring husband, wonderful families, (hopefully) great house and the list goes on. See what I mean?

Company is generously giving us a week leave starting Christmas until New Year. Perhaps I have to start look around and do some stress-relief activities. I might come back to work a whole new person.

a diet programme & other matters

2010-12-01T10:38:00.005+08:00

this is going to be one mixed-up shambles.

ever since i got my work computer serviced, thanks to the trojan worms, i could only open one application at a time. all this while, being a dumbo in computers, i thought my pc was slow because of the viruses, hell yeah it was, but also it runs on 512 ram!! so, when i got the pc back, it was practically brand new with all the up-to-date applications, using windows 2007 and all. i was ecstatic, of course.

but it was short-lived.

i asked yatoque to help out for an internal hard disk, anything below rm200. her husband has this cool computer shop, selling cool gadgets especially for serious gamers, a car seat for a racing game anyone? you get the drift lah. she sounds a little surprised but promised to find out.

the verdict, it's the pc's RAM, my dear, and rm150 for 1gb. yes, pricey for a gb, so i asked around. remember, i'm a dumbo?

turns out the price she quoted is for old ancient computers, and even though my pc runs on 512 ram, it is not that ancient, folks. it's just the ram that's a bit outdated. heheh.

got that one solved, with the right specs and at reasonable price too. so go to her blog, i'm sure there's a link there to her husband's website. i'd do it for you, but remember one application at a time?? too lazy yaw. sorry babe hehehe.

*******************

the end of 2010 is drawing near. let me see what i have done/ achieved so far.

baby project - none but working on it, going for gynae appointments.

career - okay, looking at the bright side, but on the not so positive tone, i want that place in m**!

house - got the keys already, waiting for last minute detailing, AND in the process of a second house. LOL

holiday - anniversary trip to bali, singapore: gorgeous food and universal studio, penang: benl trip

financial - managed to curb shopping whims but i still can't resist on books!! at least that'd be lifetime investment, no? and still, a wee savings because life is too short not to spend spontaneously. ;p

and what else? oh yeah, the diet program. could stick to it for two weeks then off the track i jump for more than 2 weeks! :D

really need to be serious with my eating habits, i'm getting on (in years), wouldn't want to be sickly with genetic diseases. so, i did a minor research, just to pass time in the office. ;p

blood type diet. have you ever heard of this diet programme? i did, years ago, but i dismissed it hihihi. now, i'm looking at it again.

for an A+ type, i have to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle. most of the food that i love to eat is prohibited. dairy products (goodbye, cheese!), seafood (of crispy sotong, butter prawns!), meat including LAMB (except for chicken on rare occasion), certain vegetables, nuts and fish like cabbage, pistachios, brazil nuts, almonds, white flour, rice, bread, CATFISH and... basically the normal food i take daily.

so you see why i can never shed off these fats? because im not eating properly!! of course, we do need to allow some of the prohibited, only once or twice a year, NOT EVERYDAY. whoaa. i need the courage as big as the mount everest!

apparently, these A types have naturally thick blood hence the XXX food above because they can congest up our blood stream. and that's why most diabetese, high blood pressure, heart failure diseases are found common with A type patients.

so i'm a tofu and tempe person, y'all. *bluek*

the best blood type is O because these people can eat almost anything, tolak batu and kayu, no wonder they are universal blood donor. they need all the food in the world just to give us back a pint of blood. :)

besides that, i bought e-books from http://www.kevinzahri.com/ for rm40, a great package deal that consists of one book (a must buy) with survival tips&guide as freebies thrown in. and the best part is you get to access any future e-books from kevin zahri. well, i havent start reading yet, but im excited to so, i'll let you know once i'm done okay.

end of shambles.

weekend is here already...

2010-11-26T16:30:00.002+08:00

and i feel as it was just yesterday the colleagues and i went for mahboub's fix in bangsar. that was last Friday, people. time really flies, so moaning here or whining there will get you nowhere for time waits for no man.

at crucial times as this, i tend to ponder, what have i done so far that i am really proud of? besides the expected expectations, of course. have some of my dreams come true? did i enjoy while chasing them dreams? what sacrifices been done to get what/where i want? looking back on time, some of the good things that happened weren't really part of my plan, nevertheless i count them as blessings. as mere mortals, we succumb to the best intentions of God and personally i think it's a test for me to take further steps towards the right path.

for example, all my life i have been wanting this particular matter to happen, but when you can see it coming nearer and nearer, you stop and doubt, do i really want this? what if it's not right for me? what if something better comes along? what ifs what ifs... humans are so complicated they don't even know what they want, even when things fall into their laps.

well, in my case, i hate making mistakes or bearing the consequences. i just hate to deal with things that could be avoided in the first place. taking in consideration of my true nature, i act upon first instinct without elaborate thinking. that's why husband and i are a couple matched in heaven. i can always depend on him to stop me in track. ;p

again, time is playing tricks on us. i am not getting younger by the second, so i need to get all those ridiculous whims out of my system before i grow old, regretting things didn't happen the way they should.

embrace, embrace!

different side

2010-11-22T15:29:00.002+08:00

i took 2 days off from work, today and tomorrow. just so that i dont have to meet people, for now.

right now, i'm in a little corner of alamanda's starbucks, sipping on iced turned to watery green tea. and a piece of inhouse peanut butter cookies. *bliss*

and riding on free wifi too because currently internet connections at both parents' and inlaws' are down. who knows when streamyx people will get them fix. haissh

went to an interview this morning. i seriously need to work on my interview skills. i really sucked man, big time! and i shouldnt be because im known for answering people back. i guess the awareness of being judged and criticised set me off, making me nervous and stuttering. ive come to realised that i tend to leave sentences mid-way, cos suddenly i'd be loss at words. bad, bad, bad!

it doesnt help that emotions show clearly on my face whenever i find some questions that took me off guard. im torn between telling the truth or what they actually want to know. and i end up making wrong decisions. haahhaha. oh well, kalau dapat dapatlah kalau tak nevermind.

being the greatest procrastinator in the whole wide world, i forgot to complete an online hr survey before i took leave. so getting inside company's intranet is soo tedious, ive been trying for the past hour. there are 3 candidates to evaluate with 21 questions each and i only got 2 done so far. everytime i get to question 4 the system kicked me out and to get back in needs refreshing the browser 100 times!! so penat nak login jelah sebenarnya. nasib baik tak nampak muka boss, or im sure i would bawl my head off. ;p

i must admit that it's a bless to be somewhere far from work. im in a fickle state, can't bear to go to work but at the same time couldnt imagine of doing anything else except work. i can be a retard at such times, one moment i need people all around me, the next moment i turn into a hermit. boleh tahan psycho. and no, i dont ask you people to try and understand me, because i dont sometimes. ;p except you ya, sayang. muahahha

OKAYYYY FINALLY I GOT THEM DONE!!!! IM OFF NOW! TAKE CARE AND HAVE A NICE DAY!

2010-11-18T10:12:00.002+08:00

still feeling exhausted from all the eating and visiting yesterday. hari raya shouldnt be celebrated a day only, at least two days are easy enough on the tummy.

got ready at dawn for raya prayers. we decided to go to putrajaya mosques this time. syarif has this notion of trying out all the mosques in the neighborhood. i layankan je. ;p

had a simple breakfast of fried noodle and curry mee after prayers. that alone was fulfilling. then, we headed to an aunt's for a dose of nasi dagang (not a favourite at all, thank god for normal rice!). then, off to an uncle's in sri petaling for a spread of mendy lamb, assam pedas, sweet sour crab and stir-fried mix veggies. in late evening, we went back to seremban to pay the obligatory visit to grannies. and the usual feast of rendang with nasi himpit, curry beef and peanut gravy. but i opted for grandma's overnight assam pedas (all time favourite!!). last destination was to syarif's sister for a birthday party cum bbq cum raya gathering. there were lontong, fried meehoon, bbq-ed chicken, lamb chops and all sorts of cakes.

all that are making me drowsy in the office today. thankfully many took extra leave so i can rest my head (and eyes ;p) from time to time.

and yeah, happy eidul adha!

nyctophobia

2010-11-12T14:17:00.002+08:00

yesterday saw syarif off. we didnt get to say goodbye properly. after all, what is 3-4 days right? still, i felt half of me drowned in nothingness.

it's worst at night. too quiet for my liking. and it's the usual moment we talk and bicker. and i miss that. :(

i begged to sleep with littlest sister. 'ah, mesti sebab kau tak berlaki sekarang kan'. i had to put on my best sad puppy face.

it rained the whole night and i felt lost for no reason. i slept, feeling sad. in the middle of the night, woke up with a start and accidentally stretched my right leg into wrong position. the tendon pulled tightly and cramped at the ball of my muscle leg. i whimpered and cried but nobody answered. littlest sister was snoring gently beside me, not caring what's happening around her.

i consoled myself back to sleep. if only my half-soul was here...

i'm glad daylight came, even thought the skies are grey, as grey as my feelings of this moment.

i have come to dread dark nights.

hidup lagi

2010-11-11T11:09:00.001+08:00

i came across rumaisa's comment on odah's fb wall, ''blog kau dah mati ke?"

that pure simple question jolted me.

nowadays, writing here seems difficult for me. most of the time, i let it out at another place. when i first started out here, i didn't expect too many readers (not that i'm saying i have many readers now) and anonymous readers sit fine with me. as the blog progresses more, and i accumalate some friends along the way (THANK YOU!!), i have to be selective on what i write. i cannot simply write things that may hurt families and friends or any other people i might not know.

yes, you can laugh. somehow, this made me feel old. i'm still learning to curb my temper (and cutting words) and it's hard. being oppressed and supressed can put a toll on mind and mentality. i'm not surprised why most of us are going crazy by every moment. imagine a situation like this, you have to be apprehensive at all times, watching your mouth and praying hard that it will not betray you with uncouthed words. at the same time, you tend to say things that you don't mean at all. call it hypocrisy but that's how we live in a society. i need to tell myself over and over again, if this makes them happy, then i'm happy. truth is, i'm not.

so i resort to my reading. the only escapism i'm aware and familiar with. i choose how to read the lines. i get to criticise without the fear of letting the emotions run away, or hurt anyone in any ways. i get to express freely, be sad, happy, let one or two tears, laugh loudly without a care in the world. husband always says i'm crazy when i'm with my books. that explains why i'm always cooped up in my room. i know some people don't understand this and it tortures me that i have to do otherwise lest i will be thought of ratu dalam bilik. i almost always get that from my mother, "orang panggil buat tak tahu je, jangan baca selagi tak siap kerja rumah". i didn't hear you, ibu, i'm in my own bubble and you burst it! pop!

being married should not necessarily stop me from seeing my books. thankfully, i am blessed with an understanding soulmate who knows it's the only way i can calm myself after a hectic day at workplace. he knows when i need to be left alone. being compromised made me be fair towards him after that. or else, how can i give the best service in the world if i'm all stressed out? though bear in mind, services come in many forms, not necessarily cook meals and ironing clothes (excuses, excuses!). being the best listener and companion need hard work too. :)

after all being said, yes, i will try my hardest and bestest (if there's such a word) to be here as often as possible. i will try to be more communicative and involve in matters that can open my eyes wider than they are now.

so, sya, kau jangan rindu sangat kat aku lagi okay...

taking a 5 minute break. ;p

2010-11-08T15:46:00.002+08:00

everyone's absent from the office. except for me. boleh tak gitu?

i was awaken by a call from the boss. he called in to represent him for a 9am meeting. crap! i hate meetings. and plus, most attending were managers and above. so, i feeling2 manager lah tadi. ;p

a last minute project, of course, what else is new? might need to stay back a bit later than usual. if there's one thing i dislike is calling up people i don't know. kalau gayut dengan member or ibu sendiri memang lah best. no need to ask me to do them, i'd get them done in a juffy! ;p i'd prefer to communicate face-to-face, eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart (wups!).

3 day weekend wasn't enough. parents-in-law are around, lil bro's around, surveying house decos, a really fun bbq get together (need to do that often!), laundry, monitoring maid on sunday, sleep and of course reading! mmg tak cukuplah... tap tup suddenly, hello monday!!

husband will be off this wednesday until saturday/sunday. so i'm considering some options that i have as a single lady. ;p wehuuu!! its not everyday that i get freedom like this so i really really need to optimise my time. will call people later on!

okay peeps, back to work again!

this is for you, ESATEK

2010-10-27T16:59:00.002+08:00

i know i haven't been posting too much on the house we bought in the previous years. mainly because i was thinking if i bitch lesser about it, nobody (read:IBU) will say 'i told you so'.

but now it seems i got hit back on the nose.

i could tell my mom was a bit reluctant when she found out that we decided on a house in section 15. i was adamant about it because location-wise, it's just perfect. i can just hit the highway to work. no hassle, right? especially for a not morning person like me.

apparently, mom's say still has wisdom, even after you are married. ;p the developer in charge, ESATEK SDN BHD, is totally being unprofessional and cunning too at the same time.

first off, we managed to get a 100% loan on the house and thus entitled to a refund of a deposit i put earlier. it took 2 bloody years to get back the refund AND the check i received stated half of what i paid. when i called up ESATEK, they said it's because of penalty charges due to late payment release by the bank. is that even my fault???

secondly, the house is behind its delivery. syarif called them and said keys can be collected expectedly next week. BUT we need to pay miscellaneous charges first only then the keys will be given. MORE CHARGES? when asked what for, they refuse to tell, saying just come first. and syarif said, then what about late delivery charges? they replied, oh you have to clear misc charges first then we'll pay you. easier said than done huh??

i'm angry now. i was hoping against all hopes that nothing bad will happen. looks like i'm going through the same nightmares that most house buyers have. houses are not cheap nowadays and house developers are rushing taking advantage of us poor people.

thank god that i have a good community. they are all fighters. and we will fight for our rights. chewah!

2010-10-21T16:48:00.003+08:00

work was abit slow today. sleepyhead goes synonymously well with me. i yawned until my brooch below chin came off!

sent off the parents yesterday and suddenly malaysia sounds so quiet.

ever since i was prescribed with antibiotics for my bad tonsil, my skin breaks out. the whole body itched and tiny red spots appeared. agak menggelikan bila banyak sangat. after two dosages, i stopped and went back to the clinic. yeap, definitely allergic to the medication. now i can add erythromycin to my allergy list of medicines.

when my throat is not feeling too good, swallowing seems to take extra effort, i have no desire to go to work. haha, yes i know, what else is new? but seriously, i need to summon all my strength just to climb out of bed and hit the shower. and doesn't help when time seems to tick ever slowly.

*****

so, i'm sure most of you, especially the women heard about the budget plan proposal recently. besides most (supposedly) designer merchandise will have a reduction up to 30% off on duty tax, the gst will increase up to 2-3%. we'll see who gets the better bargain in the end. just don't get your hopes too high though.

while in the same loop, the govt also proposes 3 month maternity leave. why are they targeting the women this time? because we are easy preys, ready to fall for anything and so easily sidetracked from the main purpose. plus, since women outnumbered the males now, they need our favours badly. BUT that proposal is only for the public workers. hence the question, why the need to air it in the budget? it's not for the advancement of our conutry, it is more like discussing hr matters involving benefits and perks, matters that employer resolve for employees. i bet they have nothing better to do at all, flaunting what they can do for themselves using our money. most of the budget proposals are repetitions from previous years and from what i observe, nothing seems to get better, if not a little. oh well...

*****

it's been ages since i did any socialising. i hope friends have not forgotten me yet. will try to call up some people next week when syarif's outstation. and i need to do some scouting for the new house. but i think it's better to look around once you get the keys, right, so that you don't have to do things twice. penat okay. browsing magazines alone for now is good enough for me. ;p

2010-10-18T16:36:00.002+08:00

today has got to be of the sleepiest days i've ever encountered.

i woke up earlier than usual, at 430am, to cook sambal telur. office mates decided each to bring along one dish and hence, the sambal telur. it got a bit burnt because i dozed off while waiting for the sambal to garing. ;p

so, imagine myself trying to keep my eyes orpen throughout the whole morning. i was half asleep reading emails. i was hald asleep playing sudoku. i was half asleep through everything. i could hardly wait for the afternoon to come because being sleepy on an empty stomach doesn't sit very well with me.

then afternoon came. everyone flashed his/her own part. from 6 of us, there were tauchu bawal, asam pedas kembung, ikan goreng, sambal telur, sambal ikan masin (the highlight!), bayam & labu kuah santan, ulam, cencalok, tempoyak, daging masak merah, telur dadar. crazy right? what a spread, and the winner goes to one of the managers since she contributed to half of above. if it was me, i would have sleep through morning already.

and of course, after quite a heavy lunch, the sleepiness won't go away. i could hardly keep my head up. sudoku no longer helps, numbers swimming through drowsiness. i decided to do zuhr and snatch a quick nap. which the 'quick' nap was a solid whole one hour. now, i'm fresh again! should have done that earlier morning and save all the trouble.

i still have another day before the parents fly this wednesday. funny this is, syarif said to me, sayang you could just a year leave and go stay with ibu. i was, what??? and leave you behind so that you can look for someone else? if i want to look for someone else, i would have done that sooner. but, yeah, then you wouldn't have an excuse right? at least you could come up with lame excuse your wife abandons you while i'm gone. no way.

men. can live and can't live without them. *sighs*

first council meeting

2010-10-15T14:57:00.002+08:00

forgive me for being here twice, and at office hours too. i have too much time at hand that i am going wonkers not knowing what to do. i'm munching on some leftover junk from yesterday while typing this..

i should just have taken leave today but i was absent for 2 days already this week. wouldn't be very nice for the people to see. although actually i never care much what people say but i pity my boss for causing him trouble. ;p

not in the mood of hopping blogs today because my office computer is damnnn slowwwww! potong stim bila nak baca. so, i'm going to save that for at home later. looking at my current blogroll on the right side, don't be fooled by that. i read more than that. since i'm a lazy wuss ass, i never bother to update my blogger. instead, i just bookmarked the blogs i read. saves hassle and space, anyway. so, don't think because some of you might not be in the blogroll, i don't read you. i do, in fact. i would die of boredom (at office) without you guys. heehee

okay, i mentioned earlier (can't remember when) that i bought a house somewhere in bangi. it should have been ready by now, but the developer is behind almost 2 months. of course, thay will have to pay compensation, but you these guys, they charge you for late payment as quick as lightning and when they have to pay us, it will near to doomsday. metaphorically speaking okay.

nevertheless, syarif and i always check on the progress and i can see they are coming on nicely. roads are tarred, grass planted, road signs are up. i assume CF is in progress, i hope.

you should know that the buyers have set up a forum wayyyyyy before the poles were up last two year. i registered as a member last week (such a slowcoach i am!) and last few days, an active member texted inviting to the very first council meeting. how cool is that? heeeheee. semangat okay. of course, i said yes, but i do not have any intention of being a rep for any neighborhood. not saying that i hate to mingle with people, i'm just helping them by not appointing a lazy ass who will take forever to get things done. ;p

in a way, i think it's good what they are doing now. last time i lived in seri kembangan, i never actually knew my neighbours well. yelah, i left for work before dawn break and came home nearly midnight. and if to say someone broke in next door, i won't even know because i don't even recognise them! so, in the spirit of a new home, i'm trying to change that. good thing is that most of the neighbours are of young generation so i hope we'll gel well.

put that aside, i have to plan necessary things to be done once i get the house keys. need to do some wiring, lightings, fans, and of course the kitchen. it's ridiculous to hear kitchen cabinets are worth of thousands!!! even the midget ones... and you'll go ohh even small cabinets cost a fortune might as well make bigger cabinets. and you'll eat sand and rocks for the rest of your life after all is done.

i kid you not.

i mean, how far are you willing to spend just to make a perfect home, the house of your dreams? i know that some people did the crazy works just to impress people. biar papa, asal bergaya. it's silly, i know, but us humans are so easily sucked up to what people around say. i, for one, at times can be that too but perhaps for (not) entirely different purpose. you can't let people come over to a barren unfurnished home, can you? oh the horror!

so here's my priority list:
1. cooktop and oven
2. some cabinets for necessary storing
3. lights and fans
4. wiring

that's all i can think of right now. you might say, whatt??? only that? humphh!.
that, my friends, could mount up to 3 month salary!

so, the furnitures might have to wait. besides, if i'm having lots of people coming over, i need all the space i can, so see that as a BONUS. housewarming/yassin recital will happen, Insya Allah. let's just hope that it won't be for long now.

people say you get for what you pay. i believe that some good things should be reasonably priced. because nowadays, you pay a fortune for a certain brand regardless the look and taste AND still MADE IN CHINA, just like the rest of other cheap stuff. that's blinding stupid i say. even cheap products are such a ridiculous price, making us resort to products with well known brands but same quality as the cheap ones. see, how people suck up to this kind of thing? i'm like that too, sometimes. ;p

oh yeah, any good suggestions who can do ID for people on budget like me? ;p

just a lil remembrance is all

2010-10-15T09:29:00.002+08:00

i'm still groggy from the little sleep i got last night.

left home for work quite late this morning, nearing 8 but we got to my office around 8.35. only a few minutes late, which i think is okay except kesian kat syarif because he has to clock in at 8. heehe.

yesterday, the office held a small surprise party (not so surprise after cos he smelled it out). it was a potluck (as usual) so i settled for banana&peach crumble pie, a courtesy to supermommy hawa. well, knowing me, i can never follow a recipe to the dot (in baking department, that is), always making twitches here and there and most of the time they never turn out right and i always always will put the blame on ibu. hihihi.

and the outcome? not as delicious as expected. no, hawa, i'm not saying your recipe is not reliable, i'm saying my hands are not super wondrous like yours and i couldnt get the crumbs right!!! so i'm going to try blueberry crumble pie next time around. and maybe i'll try twitching some new methods here and there. i never learn, do i? ;p

speaking of parties, in my humblest opinion, i don't think it's fair that bosses always get to have parties all the time, while, we meagre earners have to live a once-a-6-month party, and THAT we have to share with a whole load of people from the 6 months and we should thank our lucky stars IF there is one. like in my case (and others too), they totally forgot to have one, which is fine with me as i'm not into birthdays so much, but being in an employee engagement department, i think it is fairly crucial.

a boss needs to appreciate his staff so that the staff is happy (and healthy) at workplace. it's bad enough that we have to carry out orders (while he gets the credit) and when it comes to his special occasions (that includes wedding anniversaries, mind you), we have to be at beck and call again. and when it comes to our own special occasion, nobody gives a damn shit. seperti maklum, i hate ass kissers.

some companies, the bosses will put in efforts to make their staff happy. like, making sure the department gives some cupcakes on an employee's birthday. or, a small gift chipped in from everybody. anything to show an appreciation. yeah, the gesture may seem small, but i tell you, it goes a long way.

somehow, i know the current company i'm working at is going through a rough time, and based on a recent survey carried out, it shows employee engagement is nearly non-existent. how sad is that? politics play a big part in this because everyone is eager to please the top management and would push anything that gets in their way. bosses grin smugly knowing there are balacis looking after them, while the balacis are hating the bosses but carrying out tasks nevertheless and at the same time create disputes among themselves. no integrity, y'all. such a miserable environment to work in, i must say.

having high hopes at a balaci level is too wishful. i'm such a realist that i get depressed easily by all these. my wish right now is to open run a kedai makan2 at a simpang (of anywhere), operating from 4pm-7pm. that would be a dream come true, because there's nothing sweeter than simple things in life.

hey you, you have to be my Sahabat! or else..

2010-10-13T16:55:00.003+08:00

i was on leave for two days due to a bad tonsil and major headache.

no matter how long my absence is, rarely unusual things find their way onto my desk. except for random express deliveries made by Tursina (a habit she develop during her confinement). so, i was quite surprised to be welcomed by a white sheet of paper, shouting Sahabat 1Malaysia.

obviously, it is a miserable failed attempt of our Government.

they must have create more than necessary share of enemies and had to turn to us, public people, as friends. mind you, not in nicely manner, i should say, but rather force us to fill in the form and submit by a deadline given. apparently, the iniative was introduced sometime earlier this year and they targeted 1 million applications and succeeded with 18 thousands so far. see how sad that is?

what tickles me most is the listed faedahs given should you sign us as their Sahabat.

1. Sertai secara percuma. (as i care?)
2. Menikmati keistimewaan eksklusif. (what??? can you be a bit more specific please??)
3. Ganjaran pemulangan tunai segera dari setiap ringgit yang dibelanjakan. (really? i can never trust the government when it comes to money ;p)

and some more that is no more interesting than my own sad ass.

i mean, what is this all about? we have tiniest of knowledge on this and suddenly you come up forcing a new rule down our throats? just like a true dictator. if you need to make friends with the people, go the right way. win our hearts. not by being a bully.

well, im sitting this one out, let's see how far i can go. but dont be surprised should i be deported to nowhere land. so much for Sahabat 1Malaysia.

300th post in 3 years?? such a bad blogger i am.

2010-09-24T05:23:00.003+08:00

as i'm typing this away, my sambal is sitting cooking nicely on the stove. the office is having a potluck lunch cum farewell session cum raya celebration. i'm trying not to make too much noise as hubs is sleeping soundly, and yes, it's 5.35 am.

suddenly i realised it's been more than a month since my last update, which was before i left for bali. something came over me and blocked me from logging in blogger.com. only tonight (and at ungodly hours too) that i feel the urge to write.

wait ah, kacau sambal kejap.

okay.. where was i? oh yeah. eid celebration was okay, minus a few dramas along the way, which i won't dwell on anymore. except that laundry business is still halfway through due to excessive travelling. the only thing that kept bugging me is the time we went visiting one of the relatives. i was greeted, 'haaa, i know a tip that will guarantee you a baby'.

oh great. now, you're giving me tips?

i have nothing against people pushing their famous tips towards me, but i feel a bit apprehensive when it's only ME who gets the brunt end. hello, it takes 2 to get a baby, remember? and somehow, it's always me who have to do the changing part. i guess my feminism got carried away. i am not less of a woman even i dont have kids (yet).

okay, my sambal udang is ready. :))

enough of emotional drama. don't worry, even though i may rant, somehow i still try to follow the tips. of course, ego always got the better of me, ask hubs if you don't believe me. heh.

alright, getting ready for office now. will update frequently from now on, regardless such random posts because god knows, how i miss this little space of mine.

taa.

Sakan

2010-07-29T09:26:00.002+08:00

I've been quiet, I know, but that doesn't mean I'm gone.

There were posts I wrote, most at times during one of my passionate moods, but sadly, unfinished. Sometimes, my boss would come up to my desk, I had to hide it quickly, or a friend asked out for breakfast and by the time I get back to it, the moment has passed. Not to worry though, I'm sure those mood swings will come by soon enough.

Let's start on a lighter mood, shall we?

This month is going too fast. Niece was admitted in DSH last Sunday for something bacterial thingy, I'm not sure what (there's a reason why I can never be a doctor ;p), then her brother was admitted yesterday. The parents must be tired out, what with the SIL being heavily pregnant. But the kids are getting okay now, hopefully they are out by end of this week.

A few weeks ago, lil brother got married. All the fussy last moments came to end, everyone is breathing easily now. Welcome, you, to our 'crazy' family. ;) Two more to go, hoyeah!

And then there's the Bali trip, postponed since last year, so I hope that nothing happens to cancel out the trip again, insya Allah. We fly off this Saturday evening and come back on Wednesday morning. On the same day, I will be off to Singapore in the evening until Saturday. That's a whole week of balas dendam untuk bercuti. Sakan nooooo… Heheh.

Being a sporadic (writer) that I am, I don't know when I will write again. If I can't contain myself over the excitement of going somewhere, you'll find me here again. I kan batak sikit, jarang lihat dunia orang ni.

p/s: On a heavier note, I'm broke even before the month runs out.

clarks warehouse sale

2010-07-02T11:55:00.002+08:00

just got back from the clarks warehouse sale at corus hotel. man, were they humans or what?

yeap, the office is still meltingly hot so i decide to check out the sale. arrived around 9.20am and there were 50 people queuing already. i was alone so i enjoyed observing people without disturbance. kids screaming and running around, parents 'trying' to hush them, in an annoying way, 'sit down there' and 'put there'. geez, these kids are sure lucky coz in my days, us kids were always left at home while the parents did the shopping.

by the time i got in the hall, people, especially WOMEN were crowding along the tables, fingers pointing towards pictures, yelling for shoe sizes while the salespeople trying hard to entertain everyone and reprimanding not to push the tables at the same time. i was partly amused, and annoyed too. the deal is, get all the shoes you want and try them in the middle of the room where there is space. if it doesnt suit you, there are people in charge who will take care of the unwanted items. not try them at the tables and shoving people away. such selfishness! if you really want to try at the spot, go to the shop itself, you can take all the time there.

and there was this makcik, telling off another chinese lady for pushing her, 'awak tu jangan tolak2 saya pun nak beli kasut jugak' and the salesperson got a word too, 'saya dari tadi mintak ni tak dengar2 pun'. it's interesting to watch this kind of spectacle, in fact you will be amazed by what you learn about other people.

in the end, i didnt buy anything, everything in my size were sold out. kids shoes were at ridiculous price of rm80 per pair. i could get a nice new pair of shoes for myself at that price! anyways, ever since i got back after a short stay in uk, sales here dont attract me as much as before. now, i'm spending wisely. hahahahhahaha

oh yeah, if you are interested, go to corus hotel in jalan ampang. the sale ends tomorrow.

Brain dead with a hot bod

2010-07-01T11:05:00.001+08:00

The air-condition system has not been functioning since yesterday due to a leakage in chilled pipes and the TNB people are still working on them.

Yesterday, the office attended an event at the National Library, so that was a relief.

Today, we are still debating to go somewhere cooler, like, a cinema hall, perhaps?

Don't ever get stuck in a building without air-cond especially when no windows can be opened. It can affect the brain to do nothing at all. Even pooping in toilets can take up so much energy and by the time you are done, you're sweating bullets the whole body. Don't ask, I know.

And there's the fear of eating. Or in my case, abstinence from spicy food. Cili padi is my life-time best friend and not one day I miss them out. It's torturing to think I have to pass them and eat the tasteless cafeteria food. Never in my whole life can food be so bland. I mean, who can walk into the office with sweaty shirt stuck on the back? EUW.

Drama, drama, drama.

Getting this written is giving me a major headache. It's like squeezing out the ideas from the brain. Is this how brain-dead feels like? I cant even read emails. Isk isk isk. Maybe that cool cinema hall wont such a bad idea after all. Any movie will do because I'm sure I'm gonna sleep through it. ;p

2010-06-09T13:29:00.001+08:00

As usual, when the school hols start, the office becomes a bit too quiet. To the point at 5.25pm when the centralized air-cond shuts off, silence is more like death. If someone happens to sneeze, you'll jump out of your skin. You could even hear the small ants walking on your desk.

With the boss out of town, you can imagine my state. Laziness could not describe the real picture. Everyday, I come into office at nearly 9am. Because you see, if the kids get to sleep in, why can't I sleep in a bit late too? Heheh.

Here's a bit of a joke for you guys. Since I've been complaining lately about how bored I am nowadays, suddenly I decided to take up lil brother's hantaran deco. Those who know me very well know that I do not have a creative bone at all when it comes to twisting ribbons and sticking roses.

Mom is a bit unsupportive and supportive at the same time. Supportive, she's glad that someone is going to do the hantaran as the aunty we used to deal with had a last minute emergency back-out. Unsupportive, because it's me who'll be doing it and because she happens to be my mother, of course she's doubtful, especially when I always do things half-way through. Heheh

I said, at least I got through my degree!

Anyhow, before you start being doubtful towards me, I'm doing this with a friend at my office. Bonus point is that she lives in Kajang. And of course, most importantly more creative than I because she made hantarans and what not for her own wedding. Well, I'm not asking too much, just a simple deco can say a lot more, right?

So, I did some research and googling, I can safely conclude that roses is the rage in town. Blue, red, yellow, purple, pink, cream, you name it. They have roses in every colour. Truthfully speaking, I am not a flower person and roses are the last choice I would make. Since I couldn't be bothered with my own wedding long ago (there were roses too!), I decide not to use roses for the lil bro's deco. I'm sure there are other poor flowers waiting to be exposed like lilies and orchids. Poor them!

The wedding's less than a month now, we are in the middle of planning a spree and doing some online research too. Seeing that I usually am cool and laidback, I can imagine mum's tearing her hair out worrying I might not complete the hantarans. We'll see, shall we?

Seasonal swings

2010-06-03T17:34:00.001+08:00

I seem to realize that ever since I started working in 2007, I find myself most disoriented starting May until October/ September. That is, if the situation does not get any worse or it will go on until November.

This sickness is like a season, in my life cycle. I have 3 seasons, one, bliss happiness and carefree, two, disorientation and restless, three, anger and frustration.

I would be really happy and contented, everything I do or say in high spirit. Then after some time, the cheerful side wears off, plunging me into gloomy doom. I start to feel restless, having no specific aims and I begin to question, is this all I can be happy about? So I initiate a search, to find something that may spark interest again. When I fail (which is the most usual case), I fall deeper, feeling angry towards the world, lashing out to the closest and nearest, blaming at anything just to ease the frustration.

Then, I learn to forgive and forget. Back to the cheerful season and cycle goes on. I guess that's a reason why I forget things easily. Sometimes, I get things mixed up too.

At times, I ask whether this is what I really want, not just a thing that I'd do because everyone is doing it. Yes, as much as I hate to admit, I think, subconsciously, I tend to follow in people's footsteps. What's good for them should be good enough for me, right? So they say…

To make my disposition clearly complicated as it is, I have multiple choice disorder (MCD). (I may have mentioned this in the earlier posts). I have trouble in making the right decisions hence why sometimes I end up buying the same item in different colours. I'm afraid of making the wrong choices. Most of the time, I worried what if that other one is the right one?

That being said, I'm in search mode season now. I hope what I'm looking for will be the best thing. It's just a matter of time and patience.

When patience is not exactly my strongest forte.

The best week ever

2010-05-31T11:07:00.003+08:00

Weekend was fabulous. In fact the whole week was fabulous.

Started with two celebrations for Ibu, one on her actual birth date at Subak in TTDI and another surprise throw at Ruz Aladdin in Ampang. Ayah requested me to organize a surprise for her, which I did and could have gone as planned if Ayah could just stick to the plan and, well, keep a secret. I never knew he could be so bad at lying AND keeping secrets.

Scouting for a present was supposed to be a secret. Ayah, of course, had to let it out to Ibu AND paid with a credit card where monthly statements are screened by her (she settles all the necessary bills btw). Of course, she questions a lot but we managed to get that covered up.

Overall, the surprise went well, in fact she called us bragging that she's off with ayah to a special place. When asked, she answered "rahsia" such in a way to irritate us. Turned out the joke's on her and we wouldn't live it down. Been imitating around the house with that snotty tone, "rahsia". Ibu said she won't be fooled anymore after this. Heh

Then it was small getaway with the family in Port Dickson. Got a great deal at Ancasa Suites. And the nephew and niece were hilarious. They were the most entertaining part of the trip. Everything that comes out of their mouth or do, we clap in glee and laugh our heads off. Such clever beings. Yeah, now we talk like the nephew. "Sama nah". (Sama lah)

Oh I teach him to sing 'please please please kamu jangan nakal'. Of course in his version, 'pnis pnis pnis…' hahah. Loved that one.

Back to work, suddenly I feel tired out. The boss is not in, have some things pending on him, so in the meantime, here goes an update. And on days I feel like pasting some pictures, cables go missing. Couldn't be bothered to search for them in this hot weather. ;p

Am planning another trip so that the bali trip comes more quickly. heh

2010-05-20T16:48:00.001+08:00

When I actually have lots of time on hand, I don't know what to write. Its when things get really paced that I will go, 'ah I'm going to blog this blab la.. that bla bla'. Now, I'm having the whole world to myself, I'm out of ideas. Frustrating I tell you.

It must be the briyani rice, chicken curry, naan bread, lamb curry and sago gula Melaka that's making me go like this. Gosh, did I really eat all of that? *cringes* okay, I will hit the gym if I have time. *burps loudly*

On a different note, Syarif has been away for 3 days and he's coming back this evening. Hope to God that he won't request late night snacks. I cant refuse, right? Not an obedient wife would do anyway. J

Sister's safely back from the states for a short break. And oh yeah, nearly broke my bank too. All the more reason to work harder. As if! Hihihi. Ibu's birthday is coming up next week, and plans are waiting to be executed. After this, it's not the breaking bank I have to deal only, my almost popping belly too!

Some things happened in the office yesterday, that got me rethinking my future plans. Being the kind who always wants to know for sure, I find it hard when things don't really go my way. For example, I need to affirm that I will love the job I take up. I cant play God so I have to learn to take things easy and make the best out of things.

It is disappointing really when you meet people for the first time, work up expectations and turn out that it is all bullshit. For the strong-hearted, they will trudge on and find ways to overcome, but for people like me, indecisive at best, and a quitter at most times, will be heart-broken and do nothing about it, just like a wounded puppy.

The lesson here? Don't put too high a hope. But, then that would make me an all-time pessimist.

Bring me a lion

2010-05-12T11:57:00.001+08:00

I have been bad lately. Broken a few rules here and there.

Skipped gym sessions nearly two weeks. Checked.

Wallowing munching after 7pm. Checked.

Starting to want skip work again. Yet to check.

What else?

I've been on a hiatus long enough. You should know by now, that when I rarely blog at times, it means too many ideas are flowing, to the point I don't know where to begin at.

Lately, I am feeling restless. The need to get away from all this is coming back. The need to be alone is intense, without anyone to bug me. But, it's funny that when you want to be alone, you start looking for someone to be with. I am one confused soul.

It's in the blood. I cannot stay in one place for too long. I become restless. I will see everything too mundane. People no longer interest me. Traditions, normal practices seem no more relevant than they are before. Everything gets on the nerves.

I need someone to amuse me. Please?

Guilty pleasure

2010-05-04T16:34:00.002+08:00

Guilt consumes me.

Last night was the epitome of my greed, rather than hunger. My sister, her husband and I went to Midvalley to break fast. Beforehand, I had to tag along them looking for baby stuffs. That alone has got me depleted, and what else could I have done besides planning what to eat. Every restaurant we passed by seems to call out at me, even the non-halal restaurants. That shows how hungry I was. ;p

So we decided to eat at the food court at the Gardens. More choice, more variety to choose from. In my case, I had a hard time of choosing and ended up ordering fried kuew teow topped with fried chicken, a an unagi California roll and prata bread with sausage, cheese and mushroom. The prata totally differed from the original picture I drooled at. In the picture, it was rolled with oozing cheese, overlapped with sausages and mushroom. The actual? Not really appetizing enough, it was just a slap stick of dough embedded with sausages and mushroom. I couldn't even taste the cheese at all! Even the condiments, dhal curry tasted funny. I swear, I will never let greed get the better of me next time… not.

And you'd think that's all? No, apparently.

Going out with pregnant women (in this case my sister, of course) prove to be damaging on one's diet plan. After prayers, she claimed she wants chocolate ice blended. After much debating on San Francisco Coffee or not, we headed to Paddington House of Pancakes. She did get her drink, but that didn't stop me either. I had Triple Decker sundae, a combi of peanut butter, chocolate and strawberry ice cream, topped with chocolate sauce and a generous helping of mini dollar-sized pancakes. Speak of the devil! Carbs and fat! It feels weird to eat like a hog after a month of one-meal-a-day practice.

After that entire food hoard, I fell asleep immediately in the car. Gila gemuk! Upon arriving, I continued sleeping until Syarif came to pick me up. When I woke up this morning, I felt so sick sleeping on all the food I have eaten.

And that, my friend, won't stop me doing it again.

What I wouldn’t Do For Briyani Lamb and Nasi Kandar

2010-04-26T12:09:00.001+08:00

Excuse the emotional entry below. It's hard to keep up the façade all this while.

On a different note, I've been hitting the gym in a month now. This means I go once every 3/4 days and that does not help much at all. I have to be more diligent and disciplined in my regiment, to at least shed off the stubborn fatty fat-fat. Since I am intolerable to pain, I know I have real work cut out for me. So, if I happen to skip gym, I will try not to eat after 7pm, while trying to eat healthily during the day. Agak2nya, berjaya ke cara ini?

On top of it all, the sole reason I'm going to the gym is so that I can eat whatever I want without letting it stay as fat in my body. Rather than eating my way out, then doing nothing, I see this as an alternative to eat as much without feeling guilty gobbling up sinful spread of food.

Hence the need to run for 5km and 20 minute sauna, to break even with briyani lamb and nasi kandar I had over the weekend. ;p

cold blood

2010-04-26T03:01:00.002+08:00

disturbed. shouldn't be feeling this way. but i am and it makes me feel bad. because i shouldn't feel this way.

uneasiness. trying too hard. to blend in. to be one. standing out. stark naked. awkwardness.

irritated. seeing things not in the right place. right way. tired of picking up after things. dejected, finding locked doors. everytime i try to reach out, i stumble across closed doors. repressing true feelings.

it shouldn't be this way. really. it's not right. and i can't seem to do anything about it. really.

transition

2010-04-14T10:09:00.002+08:00

in times when my creativity is much needed, i have failed. i miss writing crap. too much of serious issues makes me an old woman, quicker than i anticipated. sometimes i wonder, why make things simple so complicated? so that you can go around and tell people how busy you are with massive workloads, when it could've been easier. for you and for me.
thats the bad side of working in such a big organisation. you can't really satisfy anyone, and being me, i tend to take things personally.
nonetheless, i've been busy with reading, which makes me happier, what with all the ridiculous workload. and that explains why i have been away quite some time from internet.
upon some requests, i have entries yet to be published like ayah's birthday celeb but i need an entire lifetime to upload the photos. after this, i will not promise pictures anymore because i know i am not like that. ;p

ok, back to the serious world.

Laundry business

2010-03-23T11:58:00.002+08:00

Of all the house chores I hate doing laundry the most. Gathering used clothes, putting them in the machine, waiting for them to be done, taking them out, hanging them according to type and length, and folding them based on colour and type. All of these seem to take up more time than I bargained for, especially when clothes get too piled up I had to fold them begrudgingly.

Oh, don't mention about ironing. Thanks to ibu, I send clothes to be ironed every Thursday. Her maid lah, of course.

In spite of my much dislike for the tedious task, I would not let others do my laundry, even Syarif. I have my own standards of doing laundry, which I know it irritates Syarif at some point, but in the end, who will wear the clothes? Yours truly, right.

I do washing every few days and separate them by colors. Wouldn't want to spoil the whites/ lighter colored clothes. I have decided daia as my faithful detergent and daia (blue) as the favourite softener. I'm such a sucker for smells so these are the ones I have narrowed down, thanks to spending hours in detergents aisle at Giant.

When the clothes are done, they need to be hanged within a few hours, maximum by 3 hours. Meaning, I expect them to be hanged nicely, kurung paired with kain, syarif's work shirts and t-shirts by row, undies in one line and thick clothes lined sparingly with thin ones so that they will look neat and tidy but most importantly, easy to dry. There are at times I have no mood to hang them and had to ask syarif's help and I would cringe looking at the way he did them, which I did not dare to rectify for fear of hurting his feelings.

If there is one thing I cannot tolerate in laundry business is the smell of abandoned washed clothes, even if it's only for a day. I hate the smell and would wash the clothes again because I know that if you attempt to wear them, the body sweat will trigger the most horrible kempam smell. If you're thinking of saving on water bill, then you should remember other people's feelings around you. If not, get them washed again, or even better, dry them quickly after the machine stops.

Laundry business and I is like a hate/love relationship. As much as I hate doing laundry, I love the aftermath of it, its fresh smell putting my mind at peace, making all the efforts put into hard work worth it.

It’s not what you think

2010-03-08T17:11:00.001+08:00

Things are beyond my control, I need to get a grip before everything is lost.

All I need is self-determination, a belief that I can do it.

A whispering comfort telling I'm not a quitter.

Maybe God knows that you are still not ready. He knows what is best for all of us, says he.

I don't know, I can never bear with pain. How am I going to go through all this? asks she.

Prayers, prayers and more prayers. After all, it is all that we have in the end.

Something to look forward

2010-03-02T15:25:00.001+08:00

First
day in, there was no break in between. Well, except for a quick lunch and prayers. Then another meeting at 3 but was postponed to 4, so this is a breather I'm chancing upon.

Tomorrow will be my dad's 55^th birthday and you know how you never know what to get for parents since they have everything they needed, if not more. So I decided to treat him dinner at a place I've been eying on for quite some time, waiting for the right occasion. Since my dad is retiring soon this year, I think this should call for a celebration of hard work putting us siblings through school and all.

Will tell you guys more tomorrow. This time, I promise to take photos (I will make sure sarip does :P) and post up here. At least I have something exciting to look forward to in the midst of piling works.

Another 4 day weekend

2010-02-25T18:18:00.001+08:00

Whoa I can't believe how much work it's going to be this year. The reality has finally sunk in, hard labour is just starting at full force. Come to think of it, it's not the burden of work that scares me, it's the burden of responsibilities (read: plural) towards the top management, especially the ceo. That means I cannot afford to make silly errors/mistakes which, if you know me well, I can never really live without with. I seem to attract all the mistakes in the world and can be so oblivious at most time.

So, I need to get a grip and list down what I should do/need to be organized.

Learn how to focus and pay full attention in discussions/meetings. This is because I usually can focus the first 30 minutes and last 30 minutes. Daydreaming is the best time in between. Hence, the lost in a forests of words and ideas.
Learn how to take notes in meeting. Well, beside the same reason as above, I need to google up some useful tips and tricks. When I can give my 100% attention, taking down important points will be much easier.
Learn how to complete tasks as required, as excellent as can be. Like now, I don't have the faintest clue on how to workout a 1 page communicating on KPI with target revenue and all. There goes my whole weekend.
Go extra mile. As quoted by my boss, be visible. By all means. Hence more study on how to kipas donkey's ass.

Okay, I think that's all I can think of right now. And making list is never my strongest forte. Maybe that's what I need to improve on, making lists. ;p

Will be on leave till Monday, so have a nice long holiday!

Unfit

2010-02-23T09:45:00.002+08:00

Two events in a row. One of those menteri is coming, going to be a fussy affair. By the time everything is over, I hope I still can breathe. Not that I have to do anything much but you know how these things go, just attending can be tiring too.

Everything is aching. I think sleeping on the floor is much better than on the mattress. Tapi dah geli plak, even though when we first moved in and couldn't afford anything, wood floor seemed the best mattress in the world. ;p

And, when my preggie sister laments about all her clothes don't fit her anymore, I think I kind of understand her because right now, I'm going through the same thing and I'm not EVEN pregnant! ;p

Mari odah, kita beli bra ramai-ramai..

Great weekend, great people, great food

2010-02-22T10:45:00.001+08:00

Weekend was just too awesome for words.

Friday night started off with me helping out at burger Ramli stall. The experience was indescribable because I have never helped out at stalls or bazaars before. Even back in high school, I missed out that chance because, well, I prefer to be the buyer instead. :p

As I mentioned to a good friend, aini, since that burger affair (I wont' go into details here), I swear not to bugger customer service people so badly, unless it is unavoidable. Unfortunately, I will need to bugger the people at tmpoint though, the service should really be looked into. I applied for internet installation and waited for 3 weeks just to get an email informing that the service is not available in the area. Which I hard to believe considering that area is vista angkasa, right in front of menara tm!

Saturday was filled out with small gatherings and good food. Went to arina's new crib around noon and had marvelous food. Mee goreng mamak was my favourite, and the brownies too! Met up with kussesians, haven't met them for ages! Pial's son is soo adorable, I must say he did a good job of bugging arina. Heheh. Then headed off to pial's cny open house. Too bad we missed out on the lion dance, but we were entertaining a friend at arina's. Had a karaoke session, it was my first time melalak, and I think I am kind of addicted, even though I was really off the keys most of the time. :D

Sunday was a bit relaxed, went to a cousin's aqiqah ceremony, missed out on a schoolmate's wedding because it took place at the same time. Sorry, dude, another time maybe. ;p

Did a last minute laundry, a really huge pile that is, that needs a few round of trips. Berjalan je tak ingat sampai laundry melimpah ruah. And turned in quite early because I bet Monday traffic will be awesome. It was awesome because the traffic was smooth after all.

Now, waving a red flag with an aching back. Help!

p/s: that reminds me, I need to start doing research on house deco. Will be getting the key in 3 months time. Yikes.

Kenneth Cole up for grabs!

2010-02-18T14:40:00.004+08:00

Yeah, see that title above.

I rarely do a post on jual-beli but I will allow this one to pass. I kasihan, and who knows it would become a past-time favourite. :P Anyhow, this will sure benefit us, either ways.

For now, I have 2 Kenneth Cole Reaction wallets for sale. Both come in different colours, peachy pink and classic brown. Just look down below, then you decide whether it's worth buying or not.

Kenneth Cole Reaction in Peachy Pink

See? Nice color, with faux snake skin, really sesuai for you girls yang gediks2 itu.

Inside, there are 9 slots for cards, including ID pocket. And, and there's a cute coin purse which you rarely see on other wallets. Comel kan?

Kenneth Cole Reaction in Classic Brown

Now, I must apologise for low quality picture. It sure didn't do much justice of its true color. It's dark brown, in a classic way, really suitable for those who have understated classic taste.

The front image, the inside is just the same as the pink above.

The price? Nothing overboard, I assure you. Each retails at RM250 with free postage, of course.
It can be a nice gift for your loved one too. J

If you are interested, leave a comment or email to sarahaliza@yahoo.com for more details.

If there’s one thing I cannot bear is, bad smell

2010-02-18T13:52:00.001+08:00

I was never a judgmental person when it comes to people I have never come across before, let alone construct a few words of conversation. I do my judgments after getting to know them better and let them have a taste of my dry humor beforehand.

Now, it's a different situation altogether. In front of my work station, there's a man who reeks of body odour mingled with strong nicotine smell. Every time he comes in after a smoke, I nearly puke of disgust. I had a hard time of keeping my face straight so it won't be too noticeable of my dislike. I couldn't even lean towards my monitor without getting a full dose of his smell.

It's like heaven smiles at me when he's not in (mostly he isn't) and I can't wait to move out. Our place needs to reno before we can settle in. Because I have this problem, when I start to dislike a somebody, everything about him can be impossible. Like now, I can't stand his voice or the way he speaks, especially on the phone. He sounds so, gatal-ish. If he says something to me, I would just nod and give a polite smile, a way of saying I'm not that interested in what he has to say.

Cruel, I know. I pray that I can survive all of this without hurting anyone, particularly him. That would be beneath of me.

friggin' bored

2010-02-18T10:08:00.003+08:00

Hubs is on leave today. Which is not fair.

I'm having constipation problems since yesterday, so I concoct a drink of apple cider vinegar and honey. The burning aftermath is a relief.

My colleague took emergency leave, her baby girl is not feeling well. And the little manager is nowhere to be seen.

Hubs will be busy with his business affair the whole day so I might have to crash at tok yang's after work.

So much for 3 days of work only but why do I feel time crawls so slowly?

2 small gatherings this Saturday and a schoolmate's wedding on Sunday. Can't wait to start socializing!

And oh, there's a makan-makan at the old office. Now I can go to the place without feeling remorse and hate. Weeeee

I've a feeling it's going to be a looooong day..

piri piri

2010-02-17T09:11:00.002+08:00

I can never get enough holidays, no matter how long it is.

Waking up this morning was such a pain after 4 days of late sleep-ins. Fortunately, roads were clear and managed to secure a parking. Planned to continue sleep in the small room at the back, but got stuck in front of pc, surfing through online shopping sites while chatting with little sister. And now, I can't possibly sneak in because everyone is stationed at their own work stations (in front of the small room of course).

I've done a lot of cooking during the hols. I made nasi lemak, bbq, piri piri fish and.. that's all?! I thought I made a lifetime of cooking!

When I was in uk last year, during ramadhan, we went to a nearby neighbor for breaking fast. She made this marvelous spicy fish dish and I asked her how she made it. She used a kind of herb I've never heard before, piri-piri, and foil baked with whipped cream. Being a fresh water fish, it releases that fatty tasty moisture which I can't get enough! So before I came back, I hunted down that particular blend of spice and found it on the counters of tesco.

I was figuring out what to do with my sardine for lunch yesterday when I remembered I have still yet to experiment with piri piri. I didn't have cream in stock so I used coconut milk instead. It turned out quite well but I think the cream would have done the trick much better. And switch to fatty fish too. J

I've wiki-ed on piri piri (which is surprisingly the same as nando's peri peri), apparently it is a name for bird's eye chilli (cili padi) in some parts of Africa. It is widely used for making sauces and marinades for grilling and roasting, especially in Portuguese dishes. Even chain-stores like KFC is using piri piri in their recipes. I need to look up for more recipes using piri piri. I think I'm addicted to its spiciness. But I still need to pound in some fresh cili padi for more heat. Little Aatikah loves it though, she's such a punk!

Specks of rainbow

2010-02-09T14:35:00.001+08:00

I am into the second week at the new work place. So far, I love it here, mainly the perks that go with it, clean toilets, free coffee, great environment. I am happy, most of the time.

The only side kick is that people hog parking space. Imagine 55 floors worth of people cramming into, what, 500 lots? Ridiculous, right? Yeah, I have to get to the office by 730am or let the car exposed to the dangers of dbkl and pdrm. Saying that, I think the summons accumulated might just be more saving rather than pay parking fees of rm120 (that's the cheapest btw) per month.

Nonetheless, I'm happy as it is.

Because I drag myself out of bed every 530am and out of house before 630am, I always feel drugged despite the cold showers I usually take. I would sit in the car, half-awake, not bothering to put any makeup whatsoever, and arrive at the office, puff-faced. Horrible. I have no options than to feed in my once-buried addict for caffeine. Like I said earlier, we get free coffee, so sugarless expresso has become my new best-friend while sifting through emails. On days I feel adventurous, I mix black coffee, expresso and cappuccino altogether, without the sugar of course. On top of all that, I strictly keep to one mug a day and flush out with gallons of water.

Luxuries aside, I get on quite well with my bosses, which I communicate more with the superior rather than the supervisor. The supervisor is retiring soon in april, hence the slow momentum of things. I'm still learning my way around here, I just hope I get to settle in soon enough. Haven't really moved into the right floor yet, which is supposed to be one floor lower than where I currently am staying.

Last night was terrific, I couldn't ask for more. J

new routine

2010-01-29T12:05:00.005+08:00

as i'm typing this away, we are heading back to kuala lumpur. it's quite daunting typing in a moving car while squinting very hard through the blinding hot sun. i can already feel a headache coming along.

since this is my first time blogging in a car, im quite excited, as you can see. who knows, when i get my netbook in a few weeks time, blogging in car will be the next thing in my daily routine, especially when stuck in traffic jam.

oh yes, i forgot. yesterday, i received a letter, which i've been waiting for weeks, and next week i'll be reporting to a new place. i hope this time it's something that i will love, thoug i heard unsettling news about the new boss. but what the heck, he's going to retire in april soon, so let's hope for the best for the time being.

i need to blog off now. it's giving me the jeebies now.

mad mad mad hour

2010-01-27T11:07:00.003+08:00

on days that you especially need to come to office really early, and i mean 745am early, things always come up, just to test your patience or endurance or mentality or whichever.

like today, for instance, we (hubs actually) need to be in early because he has an important presentation to make to his bosses. i turned in quite late last night, nearly 1am, and had to haul off my big ass to the bathroom at ungodly 6am. amazingly, we took off at 645am, with breakfast and all, isn't that too quick even for me? ;p

to make long story short, even at that ridiculous timing, we arrived barely after 8. quite frustrating you know, because you have put so much effort in getting up really early but still you arrive exact punch in time. and what's more, hubs just texted that the presentation was cancelled and that his colleague didn't even bother to inform him when he knew all along since yesterday. his office is in jalan tun razak and the presentation was at dayabumi and he went there all for nothing! such a waste of time and money. memang kalau aku cuba mamat tu kena maki sebakul.

in less than few minutes, i'm picking up hubs to go to tok yang's. has some business to settle before the week ends. if the letter doesnt come in tomorrow, i might have to forgo my leave on friday because who else would be so kind-hearted to pack up all my stuff, right? nahh, i might have some personal things buried in the 3 year stint (has it been that long? GOSH), things that i dont want unwanted people to nose about.

i found another reason for my depressional work, i don't have a colleague to work with, especially on maps. im so hopeless with this thingy, only yatoque understands how big a fool i am in maps. clearly, the 3 year stint haven't taught me all yet. :P

scattered

2010-01-26T15:37:00.003+08:00

paycheck is out but already am back at square one. or squareless. hmm.

haven't done my maps tracking yet and it's due this friday, and i'm planning to take leave that day. so that leaves tomorrow and thursday.

will be going to kedah this thursday, need to buy tickets soonest. another damage to the pocket, it comes so naturally it seems so silly. but what the heck, as long fun comes with it, i'm jumping on.

a vaio laptop was stolen from a department across mine. we lodged a report already but i doubt we'll see that thing ever again.

struggling to keep watch of what i eat nowadays... never knew it could be this hard.. while i know it's more effective with work-outs, i simply couldn't find time/ or courage to drag my ever expanding arse. please god, help me out in this department.

everyone at the office is demotivated, the parking lot is half filled up. the vibe has caught on me, i'm feeling not too good either. letter is still not out yet, i just hope that no decisions will be taken back, god knows, its been a trend of making and remaking decisions in this company.

i feel the week is going too fast, already february will meet us when we come in after the long hols.

shooting star

2010-01-23T10:33:00.002+08:00

hubs is yet off to another prospect hunting. stuck at home is way better than office. ;)

woke up quite early this morning (a first on a weekend!) and went for a brisk walk in putrajaya with ibu and lil sister. we covered the whole taman in just 40 minutes. haha! ibu was quite excited and keeps on saying that we have to do this more often. yes, there goes my future weekends. such lazy bum, that i am..

will be attending a wedding in bangi and later in the afternoon, shooting off to jb. i hope the traffic won't be so bad seeing that sultan of johor passed away last night. would that mean his birthday is no longer on 8 april? no state holiday on that particular date? tak sempat i nak duduk johor and rasa public holiday on my birthday. yeah, we share the same date you see..

getting ready for the wedding now..

olly yolly polly

2010-01-22T18:26:00.003+08:00

it's friday and i'm still at the office. :(

not because of work, per se, just because hubs went off gallivanting with his friend on a hush-hush project. trying to act like a good wife that i am, i try to give my best support in any way, that is... by staying late at office. ;p

if it were a thursday, i would have been at the gym (please don't mock me!) as fridays are for men only. however, should the case be young handsome guys sweating out, i would totally not mind at all. so i would pass this one, which is safe to say, middle-aged people to have fun by themselves. ;p

at times like this, i usually lock the door from inside, partly i do not want people (read:boss) to barge in and dump last minute work on me, and mainly i take off my shawl for a breather. it also helps by not feeling too much of being at the office. bahahaha. and then i crash out on the sofa. today is an exception though, because i do not feel like sleeping because i know i will be the crankiest person on earth the minute i wake up.

hence, the blog writing twice for today. i never know when i will be writing next, so whenever i feel like crapping away, i take the chance.

oh yeah, people keep asking me, 'sarah, kau kena pindah ke?'

naturally, i always like to read in people's tone (you'd be surprise to hear the zillions types of tones here) and from what i can muster is that i am the black sheep and needs to be deported as quickly as possible. while on the other hand, i see this chance as a liberation, freedom from the too narrow-perspectived people. because it's less than a week now, i taichi myself that to hell with these people, they don't know nuts that's why they are still stuck in this crappy rut. rhymes huh? well, it goes together anyway.

off now to a dinner date with huda. (which is just outside of my office :P)

all in a cap

2010-01-22T12:58:00.003+08:00

i am trying to eat healthily these past few weeks. if i really miss my usual rice with ikan keli and sambal tempe, i will succumb to the longings, in moderate portions of course. so far, i had them once in a week and manage not to eat after dark. im really proud of myself. ;p

my working days here are numbered before i report to a new post at rebung. i have a week to get evrything settled and handed over. in some ways, i feel relief at going out of this place but like everyone else, no one gets a free meal ticket over nothing. parking is a major headache for people over there, getting summons is normal. i come to terms that you win some, you lose some. it's all the mind, people say, whether you let some small nuisance to get in the way or not.

i'm getting annoyed with blogger nowadays. like women, i believe it also suffer from hormone imbalance. i write quite long entries and when i publish, a page pops out saying an error has occured. to add more salt to the wounds, apparently, the draft hasn't been autosaved and all my ideas go, pooof! hence the lacking of updates within a week, which i can't be bothered to write again, it'll never come out the same way as the first time.

i'll be heading up to jb this weekend (again!) and coming down to kota tinggi for a wedding. i hope this time, i get to have the lovely steamboat at dataran ( i think thats where it is). weekends are so bad for my diet programme and thank god that it's just 2 days but while we are it, i have to make the best of them. :P

excuses, excuses, excuses.

2010-01-19T09:27:00.002+08:00

things seem to turn up lately. God have been listening to my prayers. all i need is just in black and white. eventhough it isn't exactly what i ask for, nevertheless it is a ticket to what i have in mind.

baby steps at a time.

end of the week, a start to fun

2010-01-15T11:09:00.003+08:00

fridays, at work, mean casual attire. in decent way, of course, not like dressing up for a movie. (which i usually do all the time, cardi over a tee with dark jeans, pair off with flops). but because i have a meeting this afternoon at the headquarters, i have to be appropriately dressed in a shirt with pumps. :)

fridays, also mean half of the office is empty. upon arrival, the carpark is only half filled up. not surprising, though, it's been the norm for decades. no wonder people who hate work like to be dumped here, whereas in my case, i wish to get out as quick as possible. who knew getting the right job is hard? need to go through many obstacles and cemuhan to get to where you want. tapi cemuhan belum lagi kena, just preparing for the worse lah. :)

because the place is a majority of senior citizens, mostly waiting to retire, people like me who occasionally likes to dress up a little bit or striding in 3-inch heels, sadly categorized as 'vogue'. why the word is in inverted commas, the word is mentioned not in the nice way. as if it's a nice way of saying 'slut' except because they are 'nice' people, they can't say words like that.

i just knew that in order for online applications to be processed, it needs approval from the supervisor. no wonder all my previous applications came to nothing because the ex-boss didn't approve them. the more reason i should hate him, but since he no longer get to point orders at me, well, let him be. what comes around goes around, and i can see that coming already. not too long, not too long...

i'm hoping that i can make it in time for celcom blackberry party at pavillion at 4.30pm. even though i have decided on htc hero, it won't hurt just to check it out. then off to dinner with the girls, breakfast tomorrow with the girls, hang out with the girls until sunday. my service for hubs is during nights only. :P

so, get ready for the weekend!

2010-01-15T00:00:00.002+08:00

today's work was 4 hour chit-chat and 3.5 hour idle net browsing. though it may sound unproductive, catching up and bashing (in a friendly manner) did a whole good to the soul. of course, it's not healthy to be doing them everyday. :)

throught the chit-chat session i had curry mee, nearly half a dozen of cucur badak and nasi tomato. all that unhealthy goodness at the times when going to the gym is hard enough. and as if that alone is not enough, i decided to get a new lappie and mobile before a treadmill. i think i got my reso all mixed up. ironic that it's still early 2010. :)

tomorrow i have a meeting at rebung at 3, so beforehand i may do lunch with fuzz in bukit damansara. haven't seen her for ages. chef n brew's baked fish. yum yum yum.

i know i said i wont be doing social duties during the weekend but it seems that many plans are lining up. i can't wait!!

happy friday, y'all.

rakan gaduh

2010-01-14T22:54:00.005+08:00

beberapa malam yang lalu, saya cakap dengan hubs, sayang, i rindu pulak nak gaduh dengan nuha.

hubs menjawab, dah pulak. ym lah, pasang camera.

eh, mana sama. lagipun perempuan kecil tu mana main gaduh online ni, mesti face to face situation punya.

hubs, habis tu?

kita pergi sana lah. dah puas gaduh, kita balik. ok?

hubs buat muka malas nak layan. ces.

twenty-six-one

2010-01-14T10:19:00.002+08:00

looking back at the previous entry, i can't believe its been a week! there were times when i was on hiatus, but this time, a week seems like a few days. weekend was too short, workdays went by in a blink and tomorrow is friday again, weekend hits again and back to work in no time. how time flies without realizing it.

as usual, work is hectic considering it's a kickstart of the year, so yeah, can barely figure out things to do at a time! i've been meaning to blog religiously everyday (part of my reso, need to polish writing skill, which i don't have much at all), which i did but most of them ended up drafted due to lack of time and ideas.

as expected, january made a big crack out of my wallet and i just can't wait for the next pay. social interaction is limited because, obviously i don't have the luxury yet to spend. and you know how when things are a bit down, every single thing seems so tempting and CHEAP but still, you can't afford to because there are many other obligations to be considered, more important than shoes and handbags.

so in the meantime, i'm already planning what to do with the next pay. planning a trip to batam, still doing some research on that, transportation and such, if everything goes as planned, thaipusam and federal holidays wont go to waste. except that i will be even more broke than ever, but what to, a girl has to have some fun sometimes.

i must say, God has his ways with us. at times when i would think 10 times to go for lunch, invitation for free lunch always come in my way. who can resist free lunch? especially when the canteen has employ a new cook, all the way from genting resort! while i'm typing this away, i'm waiting for a call to curry mee chow-down.

and while we are still on the money subject, how am i going to save up for the states trip???

not too late for 2010 wishes even tho i don't see the big deal out of it..

2010-01-07T16:50:00.002+08:00

Well, it’s been a week into new year and forgive me for not wishing you beforehand. Perhaps, a part of me is still holding on to the yesteryear’s treasure of precious moments and pieces. Perhaps, I do not want to think too much of what 2010 will bring. Nonetheless, eventhough some hopes were crushed but new hopes always replace the crushed ones.

Can’t believe today is already Friday, I hadn’t time to savour the whole week thoroughly. Heedless to say, I've been skipping gym since 2010 knocked in, not because I was lazy but the pressure at work is too much pressing. Too many programmes to roll out, what is more, the company expects to launch its new baby sometime in this month, that’s premature launch and the nationwide do will be in march. So, you can imagine the hectic everyone is going through right now, just to give Malaysians the best service we can offer. :D

Because going to the gym is pointless at this rate, I've been thinking to buy one of those machines, say a treadmill? At least I can get on it anytime I wish, even in the middle of the night! Hubster then can monitor me as (if) a personal trainer. Yeah, right. Ambitious, I must say, but since we are still new for the year, it won’t hurt to resolute some aims in losing weight. So, need to do some research on that. Hihi.

People have been asking whether I’m feeling well or not. I am feeling well, mind you, it’s just that suddenly I'm having one of those moments, major breakouts. 3 big flaring red zits on the chin. Of which I had enjoyed picking on them in traffic jam. Of which I gladly would like to blame Kak Intan for her generous stock of chocolates and nuts. And to top off all that, we braved really really late nights during our trip to Singapore. Hence, the breakouts and bloatedness due to uneven sleep and unhealthy eatings. Thank you, sup tulang. Seriously, I do not regret you. And big thanks to kak Intan and Uncle for their bestest hosting for the weekend!

For 2010, I have only lined up bali trip in july, to make up for the canceled trip last year. In the meantime, I wish to plan a few vacations/plans, just so that july will come quickly. Lil brother is getting married in that month too, so pretty tied up then. After that, a few more plans after july so that 2011 will be here in no time. Aha, a trip to the states, need to save up on that. Anyone up for it? I know kak intan would love to go too, and since we are suckers for cold seasons, we’ll go some time at the end of the year okay? ;p

happy new year!

Tagging berehhh

2010-01-05T18:47:00.001+08:00

Because I had nothing better to do, because I am quite pissed of with the office people, because I need to write something silly, because I owe Yatoque this one. Ever since she decided to be a 'blogger yang tegar' I couldn't keep up with her, because I had to scroll previous pages to copy the tag game. So here it goes..

******

1. First time you met him - when and where?
we used to go to the same primary school but nothing happened, mind you. Met again in uni and I hid behind ibu when I saw him. That was on the first day registration. ;D

2. Love at first sight?
first sight? Could have been since in primary school… nah, kidding. Do you consider hiding behind your mom's behind is love at first sight or sheer stupid shyness?

3. Who is he when the first time you met him?
an arrogant young boy yang poyo who just came back from the UK and suddenly beat me in story-telling. I did 'little red riding hood' and he did 'goldilocks and the three bears'. Of course, he's quite ashamed about it whenever I tease. Haha.

4. How long does it takes for him to ask you out for a date?
okay, let me see. So, we met on the first day of registration and we went out for the first time on 5 october 2001. I remember that because he forced me to treat burger king on his birthday. But then, we still haven't declared anything, main assumptions je. Haha.

5. First dating place?
burger king? Okay, that might not sound romantic at all but you have to understand the young feelings of trying to get to know each other, which I would not wish any other way. We stayed for 5 hours. Crazy.

6. How he proposed?
you know the funny thing is that he never proposed. He just said that when he asked me to be his special someone (he didn't even say 'girlfriend') he meant it a lifetime. So when I answered yes, kira dah terikat lah. Haha. Buat penat aku tunggu proposal. Tap tup tap tup dah kahwin. J

7. Special date with him?
too many. Every single moment spent together is special. I guess that's the beauty of marriage. I could just lie and do nothing, just being with him, with cheezels beside, that could be my perfect date.

8. Changes that he asked you to do?
jangan kuat jerit? hahahah

9. What is about him that you love so much?
I don't know, it's too unconditional.

10. What is it about him that you wish he would change?
hmmm, God, can you make him not snore at night? Thank you.

11. You lose your mind and crack your head when he…
starts going on about how beautiful fasha sandha is and how sexy fara fauzana can be.

12. You will smile through your eyes when he…
kisses me goodnight, especially when he thinks I'm already asleep. It's like after all the hard work during the day is paid off, that I am really appreciated and that he still loves me by the end of the day.

13. Complete the sentence, "My love towards my husband is as big as ... " do you really want to know? Because I don't. If I can describe love, I would be a genius.

I'm going to mention a few names here, odah – because you haven't update for a while so get this done, apple – yours must be interesting, I bet, nana – I'd be surprised if you get this done, hawa – kau rajin aku tau. And to you yang rajin2, please help yourself okay.

Berehhhh!

Bebel sokmo

2009-12-31T16:52:00.001+08:00

Naturally, I was thrilled by the idea of backpacking to Kelantan. The main intention was to fetch sarip's car, borrowed by an uncle from Thailand.

(Ya pandai pinjam, tak reti nak pulang balik)

So, last Saturday, we set off at 830pm by bus and arrived on the following morning, 530am. Stopped at a nearby mosque, freshened up, did subuh prayers and slept a little while. Then we had breakfast, kelantanese of course, nasi kerabu! Went to the post office to renew the car's road tax. That took quite a while because it's hard to get the lowest third party insurance. We had to make do with 8k coverage when the car is only at 5k of value.

(yeap, that certain uncle is a totally irresponsible person)

After all said been done, we went to pick up the car. Imagine our horrors! The paint was bad, seats were ripped, interior was wet because of the rain, not to mention the unclogging smell, dashboard no longer dashing, broken air-condition, bald tires, unwashed for God knows how long. Easier said, it was really in appalling state.

The car was used for kutip derma, to build a mosque in Thailand. Because of that good intention, we had no qualms of lending it. It was left with one of his friends, who's assisting with the kutip derma job. And of course, we should have known when they were not around when we came. They just left the keys in the car. Being me, I ranted, literally, in front of their house when I saw a woman (maybe it's the wife) peeping behind curtains. Lagi tinggilah suara aku membebel, especially the part, hoh kalau dia datang rumah wae memang nak kena dengan aku ni.

Memang dasar pengecut, tau salah takut nak bersemuka. When we mentioned about the car's condition, guess what that man answered?

'macam mana kami terima, macam tu jelah keadaannya. Kalau nak servis lebih2, kenalah bayar kita lebih'

Hoih, good thing he said that to my husband, being good-natured that he is (walaupun aku nampak macam nak marah jugak) kalau dengan aku, memang dah kena sembur.

Of the 3 years we lent to that ***h**e, which we paid off the installments and renew road tax annually, the least he could do was to maintain as how we gave it to him in the first place. It isn't so hard to maintain a kancil, or expensive for that matter, especially when he sanggup turun kl to fetch the car.

And he had the bulls to stick a sign 'I love islam'. Bull of crap.

And it's no wonder that no mosque is yet to be seen. I am so going to Thailand and demand to see of what is called a mosque. Fishy, I tell you.

We had to service the car, the major parts only, just to get us to kl safely. Now, I'm officially broke (did a little shopping beforehand) and tanned. Kelantan is so hot, especially rantau panjang. Plus the 9 hour drive of no air-cond, except for the wind outside. ;)

Despite declaring broke for this month, that won't daunt me off from a Singapore trip in a few hours. It's all in the good name of SUP TULANG. Yum yum yum.

Second nature

2009-12-23T18:35:00.001+08:00

It's funny when I'm away from the keyboard, ideas come rushing in but the moment I'm sitting and trying to start a sentence, I fail.

Everyone by now should know I have the worst memory ever. Sometimes, I scare myself too, because naturally, if the condition is bad as it is, imagine when I hit sixties. Is there a way to cure this? I heard that reciting quran is good for the memory, and try as hard not to sound poyo, I do attempt to keep toe of quran reading whenever possible.

Again, trying no t to sound poyo more than ever, I hit the gym yesterday after a week of lapse. And the last session I had lamb briyani. Really not effective I must say. I just found that the more I hit the treadmill the more appetite I develop. Is that normal? So yesterday, I had a really good work out because finally I got the hang of it. The first week was a real torture (nampak sangat pemalas exercise). Before this, I bercita-cita going to gym everyday but that's quite impossible especially when you have a husband in tow. So, I think I should at least make sure that I go twice a week.

Time is short. Lil bro's getting engaged this Saturday. Then I'm going off to Kelantan, hopefully by train because I want to feel the adrenaline of backpacking. Taking off on Monday and Thursday, regardless whether approved or not especially when my heart is totally in pieces all over the place. Everyone is waiting for a letter directing each's future, so being the end of the year, I wish them luck, because for sure I don't think I want that luck if I'm still stuck in this dump place any longer.

I know all along that…

2009-12-22T11:06:00.001+08:00

… 6 days were not enough for me.

Itching badly to go back home, snuggle between pillows with a favourite book in hand. Nowadays, it's so hard to read, let alone a few pages. The concentration span is intolerable. I need my old life back.

I've been in the office for 2 days and as usual, I don't have anything better to do. Besides the normal stuff that a 10 year old kid can do. Who says you need a degree to do all of that? That piece of paper is just a ticket to secure a job and then what? You end up doing things retarding the brain. It's bad enough my brain cells are dying ever slowly, at this rate, I would shrink into nothing.

On a happier note, we had a bbq at huda's crib. It was quite awesome, small but close. I sure need the treatment to feel kind again towards the world. Fighting is tiring especially when you have no idea what you're against up to. I need to start be grateful once in a while.

Sometimes I wonder, what would really happen if I were to give up once and for all? Would there be any regrets? Remorse? Thankful? Bashing? I don't know unless I leap on that boat to take me away from all this. So much for my outgoing appearance (sometimes people mistook for bravery/courage) I am still coward at heart. Jumping into darkness is not going to be easy unless you are really mentally prepared for it. And knowing me, I'm a ninny.

Yes, laugh.

the dumbest makes you happy

2009-12-17T21:18:00.003+08:00

lately, i've been ducking out from meet-up with friends. it's that time of breakdown (again!) where i will agree and back out at the very last minute. hormones is just not my bestfriend. nonetheless, i was grateful that i didnt cancel the penang trip because truthfully, i was really battered that day, after attending 2 weddings.

i think penang is the place that i wont easily get bored. besides the fact it is near to the sea, penang also offers a variety of delicious food. in a span of a day, i had the chance to chow down nasi kandar only. i have to wait for february next year to get a taste of rojak pasembor and char kuew teow. and other local delicacies too.

and it was where i screamed my lungs out on a banana boat ride. totally worth the rm10! came home with a hot fever waiting quietly that bursted out on monday. 3 days away from work was a bliss undescribable. especially when there's a last minute project going on. i couldnt be more thankful. glee!

since today im a little bit better, i decide to cook. i finally realise that cooking may not be my strongest forte (at the moment) but its what i enjoy doing most. the thought of giving someone to eat, especially who doesnt complain much, is elevating. i miss my 3month uk stint where i get to be my own charge. yes, it was tiring at times, but the satisfactory feeling paid it off.

like today. chicken tomyum. daging masak merah. telur dadar. perfect combination.

everything was from scratch, especially the tom yum.

hubster said it's similar to bazli's but even better.

the temptation of giving up my day job is just a few inches away.

come on, nana, get your kindie going and i'll apply as a cook.

Scandalized or scandalous? Choose.

2009-12-09T17:48:00.002+08:00

Topic konon2 hangat di hot.fm, tapi bikin hangat di hati sebenarnya. Suggested penyelesaian for a hitch: a wife asks for help when the husband cheated on her and run away with that girl.

My advice? Get rid of your two-timing scumbag of a husband. Why should you need to suffer all the pain when he is enjoying himself with other women? I am not suggesting you to scandalize with another man, but to stand up and start afresh. Easier said than done, you say. Yes, but hear this out. Nothing comes pretty easy in life, don't you think? I mean, look at yourself, you just got cheated and is that any easier for you? No, I assume. Rather than moping around and feeling sorry for yourself, questioning what had gone wrong, better show your husband what you still have. Then he will know what he's going to miss in the long run.

What's infuriating is that, the callers were mostly women, being the scandalous lot a majority. I don't understand woman can do such an act to another woman. We should always stand up for ourselves, not try to ruin each other. Looking at where we are now, women are free to voice out freedom, to be at par with men if not higher, did you think we achieve all this by turning against each other? No, my dears, we support each other, fight for our rights. Who else will look out for us if not our own kind?

And another thing, the main reason for the scandalous act is because things at home are bad, wives not cooking, or men couldn't get their thang up, or children out of control or any ridiculous domestic excuses. You name it. Hey, those problems involve you too, so is that the only solution you can come up with by running away with another trash? I mean, why bother getting married in the first place if you can't handle problems? It's not like your wife is dead so no one to take care of you and the kids, or vice versa. You have each other. When you say the sacred vows, it means get through together, thick or thin. No stupid excuses. Sheesh.

Ada siap tuh, bangga main dengan laki orang and dia pulak yang meyerang bini2, complaining she has sacrificed her teenage years (6 years, mind you) with a married guy. What kind of world are we living in?

I'm getting annoyed now. In 2 days a row I have been a guru in a topic I'm not an expert. And it's tiring when you're really not one. Haha.

I wanted to post up a song by rossa, hey ladies (I think so). The lyrics are so perfect for you people who are being cheated shamelessly. But my office blocks all kinds of fun entertainment so terpaksalah korang youtube sendiri okay. Itu pun aku rasa korang dah pernah dengar/lihat lagu ni. Heh.

You won’t stop biting nails, so let’s breakup

2009-12-08T16:25:00.001+08:00

It is sunny, the sky is clear blue after the rain washes everything away.

Yes, that's how life is. No matter how hard things get going, just remember that everything will be fine. If you feel like crying, just cry your whole heart out. Because everything will be clear again, just like the skies after raining.

Love is just so complicated. We all have been there, and some got lucky and most failed at the very first tryst. In my case, I have some feeble attempts, which I wouldn't call them true love anyway, but at least attempts of getting emotionally attached. Feeble as it may be, I don't regret at all what I have done. I admit that if I like that person, I would make the first move, regardless how stupid the act is. I would pass a candy, or biscuits or anything to a friend to pass it over to that particular person. And after a while, I get bored easily, especially if that person shows any promising signs. I must say that I get to know my preferences as I go along liking people here and there. Huahuahua. Yes, I am a fickle, remember?

Until I met my husband back in uni, on the registration day. Our parents know each other (we go to the same primary school) and talked, asking well-being of everything while I hid behind my mum's big hijab. Don't ask me why, I just don't know. Suddenly I felt shy meeting him. Who knew at that certain point I ended up marrying the guy... haha. Okay, enough of my love details, not that they are interesting anyway. The point is, to what certain extent do we have to sacrifice for our so-called 'love'?

When people break up, it's always the reason of that other person is not willing to change, or that other person has not done enough to make the relationship work, or another third party barges in, or basically you don't get along anymore. the latter is unavoidable, you just can't simply stop people not to cheat on you when he's the kind of unfaithful. But of course, you have to leave that sort of kind, lest it will hurt you in the future. What I'm highlighting here is the reason of breaking up just because that person won't change for him. Why should you put restrictions on people?

I am no love guru, mind you, but I believe that a person needs space in a relationship. If you love that person enough, let him grow in time, but of course towards the positive line. On top of all that, don't give 100% of yourself to people, no matter who they are. People will always let you down, even the bestest of friends, because we are humans after all. The only person you can rely on is the Almighty, so save a 10% of yourself. Or else that's when you hear stories people going crazy when their spouses died, or in some worse cases, cheated on them.

Another important element to make a relationship work is patience. You don't only have to be patient with the other half, you have to be patient with yourself. I am not ashamed to admit I have the lowest tolerance level of patience and at the rate I snap at people, I could hate myself to death. I have to console silently that it won't do any good of jumping to outrageous tempers. Girlfriend-boyfriend relationship is nothing; you can just simply part if nothing goes your way. When you are married, the test on self-patience is at times intolerable, to the point you question yourself, did you make a right choice? You have to be responsible for the choices you made and most importantly, rationalize everything before making harsh decisions that won't be worth regretted later. Learn to accept and you will be accepted.

Last but not least, never take 'twilight' as a guide for everlasting love, instead try 'gone with the wind'. That is what I call a real testament of love.

it's time, 2009?

2009-12-08T08:53:00.002+08:00

i think i should write more often, only then a specific topic will surface later on. do you think so? since i am such a complicated and always confused being, it would be a surprise for me to come up with a post that is too, well, narrowed-down? heh.

2009 is nearing to an end. it's too cliche to say time flies but it does. haha. for all i know, we are already in the middle of december. i feel a bit left out, weird yeah, because i can't recall of any significant events that took place. so let me list out what has happened since january.

- my first time as a pengapit, at fiza's wedding (don't you dare laugh)
- jakarta trip in april (i thought that was last year)
- odah's wedding in may
- uk vacation from june til sept (now i know where most of the months have gone ;P)
- first time celebrated eid without the husband (corny!)
- 3 times to the gymnasium (that was last week, ngehehe)

not much eh? such a waste of a year, nevertheless, i have learnt a great deal, especially getting to know my true potentials, which i won't let on in here. however though, i plan to make the most for 2010 since i suddenly realise that i am not getting any younger. too many has to be accomplised and i am nowhere near to them. while i'm bitching over this, i haven't lay out specifically what i hope to materialise next year, which is so typical of me. haha. i'll do that in my sleep.

so, people, it's the last bit of the month. enjoy and make the best of it. it's not too late to do something big in the next 2 weeks. hahah. ambitious i must say.

no saga over this

2009-12-07T08:56:00.005+08:00

last night, was the peak of boredom i've ever felt. i wanted to do something but couldnt figure anything interesting. and being the world's most annoying person, husband suggested mapley which i adamantly refused with the excuse of 'malas nak kelaur dari pagar. penat tau duduk terperap dalam pagar ni. boleh mematikan semua mood.' husband couldnt accept that of course. haha.

in relation to that, i took medical leave today, partly because of malas bekerja and another big part of blocked nose and sneezing fit. what with the h1n1 still going on, i need to take precautions, aint i? but that doesnt mean i will visit the doctor, just a loving session with odah today. if she can drag herself out of bed. ;p

few nights ago, one the guys staying next door came to us when we got back from a late movie. 'weh, korang checklah rumah. rumah kita orang baru kena rompak, habis semua laptop, camera. takde sign break-in plak tu.' alhamdulillah, our house was still intact but when i locked all the doors, i forgot a few verses of ayat kursi. i had to yell at husband from downstairs how the verses go. see what cuakness can do to me. what if i happen to see a ghost? stuttering like mad.

oh, did i tell you i went to see new moon? people couldnt believe it, they know it's not my thing. husband made me watch it. the whole movie was too tormenting for me to endure. i groaned and moaned throughout the whole thing while husband pinched and hushed me. i couldnt for the life think why bella is so pathetic, such an indecisive being. and cullen? i know he should be 'a man of few words' but really, he couldnt pull that one off, instead he looks like a stuttering parrot in pain. every word that comes out of his mouth causes him pain. as if he didnt mean any of his own sayings. the only part that made me endure all this was jacob, but even after that i was peeved with his fighting with cullen over pathetic bella. he could have done better than her. sorry, i am no romantic and i dont sit too well with mushy mashy bits of love.

last but not least, i quote from ahmad helmi's facebook status,

'edward cullen is almost 100 years old and bella is 17. so the twilight saga is thus-far the most successful pedophile/statutory rape franchise in movie history. well done world. no wonder vampires are so secretive :P (taken from Liana 'Shan' Aziz who took from Oli Pettigrew fan page ha ha ha)'

ok, have a nice monday. i will.

qurban, a sign of 'prosperity'

2009-11-30T12:03:00.002+08:00

raya was heavy with rendang (as usual), laksa johor, soto, and cookies that my ibu managed to squeeze in. so, please, tell me that i need to go on a crash diet?

monday at office is quiet. people are still away on holidays. i've always like to go to work on days like this, which means less work and easier to cut off a few hours. :P it is also the day good for outside lunch, and i'm debating on bukit damansara or just klcc. a department opposite to mine hosted curry mee in the morning, and its heaviness is taking toll on my eyelids. i can barely open my eyes and have been yawning my head off since 10am.

it's been a tradition to have a prosperity (at least once) every year. i have (tried) sworn off fast food because being me, fast food is really not a best friend. a few trips to mc donalds in a week can put a few pounds of bulge right on my thighs. no no. really not good. and to put on more salt on already open wounds, the people who always tag me along don't have any issues with weight... i hate you nana!

tapi, after all has been said, i am still going over to klcc, just for the sake of 'teman' nana. haha. gila lame. or i could just sleep off the craving at the back corner of my office.

cicak or lizard?

2009-11-24T08:06:00.000+08:00

i have not been aware of the growing dislike for lizards. i always thought my detest has been saved for the roaches only. now it's not the case no more.

there was one time when i wanted to take a shower, a big lizard was splatting on the ceiling, right above the showerhead. imagine the creepiness of it staring at you with its bulging black eyes and twitching slimy paws while you shower. so i screamed.

another time was in the shower again, (what's up with the shower?!) and it jumped out in front of me. i screamed even louder.

or in the kitchen. jumping out of nowhere causing me to throw pans at the sink. i hate making a circus show out of myself, especially by slimy creatures. and you wouldn't want to see me killing one, because i would beat it with a broom in one hand, a sheltox in another and shrieking like a hoolagan, just for the sake of nak hilangkan kegelian. oh my shivers timbers!

so, since i'm calling in the pest control, and at a quite expensive price too, i'm going to make sure all those pests are gone. i can't bear living, especially alone, with cicaks attacking me. do you realise that cicak sounds even slimier than lizard? ugghhh. my hairs are all standing at the thought of it. yuck.

i wanted to post a picture of a lizard (well, i realise that my entries are mostly imageless) but i can't bring myself to contaminate the blog with its sheer presence. geli dowh. i'm sure you know how a cicak looks like, right?

a crappy ramble

2009-11-23T20:10:00.003+08:00

salary was in since last week and not surprisingly, i'm all dried up till next month, which is 3 weeks yet??! now is the time when you wish you had stocked up money while you had them and debating on what to use them for. all this while, my philosophy is spend when you can because you never know when you are going die. moreover, why need to leave your own hard-earned money to the people left behind? let them dig it themselves.

no, darlings, nothing to do with credit cards bills, just some things have come up that requires A LOT of money. so, no shopping sprees whatsoever. christmas sale is just around the corner and i'm already broke! sobs. and i was planning on shooting up to singapore next month. how depressing..

i had to work on the weekend so i took today off. office people called many times and as usual, i ignored them. i know it's their culture to take calls even on holidays, and i for one, will not play by that rule. i simply cannot allow some random strangers barge into my privacy at home while trying to enjoy a short break. one of these days, i might just get another number for personal use so that i can switch off the office number.

during the phase of silence with no updates, it's not like i haven't been writing. i have. they just ended up in draft mode. i couldn't bring myself to publish them. it's really hard for me to write knowing who the readers are. no, i'm not blaming you, readers, it's just the expectations that i have to live up to. then, there's the sesitivity issue i need to consider. no, that doesn't sound right. i write what i feel, or think and if some of you couldn't swallow it, hop to other places please. no grudges.

i write craps mostly, so if the readers frequent here for updates, then you must also like crap too. welcome welcome welcome! i must admit it's a long way yet for me to be sensible in dissing thoughts and such. but i'm planning to be there one day, so no worries. just need to find the right perspectives. like most loser writers use to say. :P

on a different note, the weekend was an eye-opener. there were things i learned and should have long time ago. now, i'm having second thoughts on quitting. yeah right, when i hit the office, i'll be screaming wanting to quit!! hahah. but seriously, i have to confess that i am the problematic one, nothing to do with the job itself. and if it couldn't get any more problematic than it is, i can't put a finger as to why or where. i am so effed up.

on top of it all, today was great. i did runs of videos. series of channels. hunk of junkfoods (but after reading hawa's post i want to puke). and cooked ayam merah madu for syarif. tomorrow will be a different story and i'm praying it'll be great as today.

7 months to our (dream) house. need to start planning from now. ideas anyone?

knight in armour

2009-11-12T08:41:00.003+08:00

nothing new, or interesting to tell except for my boring work. i won't go into that because there's no point to that at all.

oh yes, syarif's back. i took 3 days off and spend most of the days in port dickson. that alone should have given me new strength to start anew, surprisingly it didn't and seriously, i need some deep thinking about this.

everyone deserves a chance at being happy and if i'm not happy where i am now, i shouldn't push myself just to make others happy. sometimes, a little bit of selfishness is all needed to take the big step. part of the blame is on me, i admit, because i always think that something good is sure to come along, if i'm patient enough. the thing is patience is never my forte and with all the whining i keep throwing around, it's a wonder if God wills to every of my whims. in my case, i think God want me to brave the first step, WITH His assistance, of course.

i realise that when it comes to making the right decision, i will be all alone. there will be strong supporters, i must say, but somehow that won't amount to anything because in everything i decide in the end will always be backed up. what i need is some convincing sound advice, giving the hard facts of every turn taken. because in the end, when things didn't work out as planned, the self-proclaimed supporters would say 'i told you so' forgetting the thumbs-up they give earlier.

in light of all this, i am still waiting for the shooting star to fall in my lap.

jumping bunny

2009-11-08T23:54:00.005+08:00

i should be finishing off my work before joli2 with syarif, but lately, i seem to develop a concentration of a 3 year old child. 5 minutes on the report, that's considered lucky i must say, and the following 20 minutes on facebook.

that's the thing, facebook. i don't upload new photos. i rarely shout out current status. i don't do notes. i don't play games. so, why am i spending so much time on facebook? it's really bewildering especially when things are not done as they should. and procrastinating is becoming second nature, i really have to blame myself in this.

i thought if i switch on mtv for music it'd be easier for me to focus. but no. akon had to seduce me with his charming color. rihanna with her sexy moves. t. i too handsome for words. ciara, enticing. i'm losing track now. sheesh yelp!

i'm hoping for a miracle that by the time i rush off to the airport, the reports are safely deposited in the boss's inbox. i don't want work people to nagger me while i'm in the middle of doing something.. fun. which reminds me, i forgot to switch off 'follow me' mode. great.

see? i take a break even before i start work. can you see how hard it is for me? hahha. lame excuse. let's take it as a warm up before we get down to some serious writing. i dislike serious things, it makes me feel old. by the time i'm finish, my hair'd go all white and covered with millions of eye-wrinkles. hihi.

okay, serious time. ta.

green-eyed bogeyman

2009-11-05T09:30:00.002+08:00

it's one of those days where you feel that nothing is right. everything looks gloomy, even the weather is overcast, reflecting your mood. i would imagine, if a mood can have colors, mine would be grey today. yes, i'm having one of those days.

have you ever feel like sitting down and cry out your heart for no apparent reasons?

have you ever feel like nobody cares a dimwit about you?

have you ever feel that everything you do is never right?

have you ever feel so dejected, rejected, and helpless?

have you ever feel you don't want to do anything at all, and i mean nothing at all, but just sit and mope around?

right now, i'm feeling all of above and more that even words won't do justice. i acn feel the tip of swelled emotions deep within me, waiting to spill out at the mere of stupid things.

the same thing happened last month and i had two accidents in a row within 2 days. after the second one, right after i settled with that person, i sat in the car and cried buckets for a good half an hour. not because i was hurt or anything, just because i feel it will make me feel better.

i am a person who seldom cries no matter how bad things get. i can always keep check of my emotions. even when i feel like crying i would push it back far inside, not wanting to admit that only weak people cry. so when things got really bad that week, i broke down. i went to a doctor and cried to her. she couldn't make out what i was saying. i was prescribed with ubat penenang jiwa. then i continued crying when syarif called, sitting at a corridor of shoplots building.

yes, he freaked out because he never saw me cry like that. he must have regretted marrying a lunatic. then, after i calmed down, i laughed really hard at myself for being such a weakling. i made a joke of it, in fact.

now it's happening again, should i laugh first then cry, or vice versa, or should i just keep shut the emotions stirring inside?

cooking up eggs and tails

2009-11-04T07:58:00.000+08:00

blogger is acting up. i had to wait 20 minutes just to login. sheesh.

i broke my own record, i came in before 7 this morning and surprisingly, i was the first. i think everyone is late today because i don't hear any grill doors sliding open (note: finance dept who usually opens at 8am). oh wait. yeah, there it is, it just opened. at 8.15am.

i was absent from work yesterday due to period cramps. i thought of foregoing another day because i had awful cramps again this morning. but then i have loads of work, and i don't even know where to begin from, plus i'll be taking three days off next week. so, i had to swallow the pain and drag myself out of the house while men were heard still praying at a mosque. it doesn't help my mum telling me that my brother's friend told him two executives were sacked (she works at the same comany as i) because of too many no-show at work and had to pay back the scholarship. i told her that, it doesn't apply to me because my contract deal is different than theirs and if they had to miss so much of work, they should have come to my place. nobody would notice, i assure you, unless you are gone for an entire month. and that's a whole entire another story.

okay, i'm bored of talking about work already.

the house seems so quiet since the kids went back last night. who knew such a small body can talk alot while running and running around. it's funny watching the brother and sister doing their own thing. both of them will be doing entirely different things but at the same time they had to be together, especially the sister or else she will be screaming her head off. she and i had duels as to who has the loudest voice. of course i win all the time. hihihi.

can you believe that it's four days away already? but i feel like it's four months! need to figure out which work should be done first so that i won't be counting by the minute. i'm getting all dizzy thinking about him coming back and lets say that i have the same new bride jitters when i first got married..

wuhoo.

another monday, not blues

2009-11-02T08:59:00.002+08:00

weekend flew so fast. suddenly, i'm back in the office, frowning in front of the computer.

when i left last friday, i took back office work, thinking that i will get them done. easy peasy as that when i'm on 'single' status. so who says that singles don't have a life? i could hardly catch my breath.

i'm officially broke too. but with a good feeling about it though.

married life will resume next monday. in the meantime, gazillions things need to be done. straighten the house, do some groceries, and of course straighten up myself. heheh. and plan a short getaway. is it selfish of me to kidnap my own husband away for a few days? after all, i haven't seen him for 5 months!!

haha. aku jahat. if possible, i want to be the only one there to meet him so that i could get him all to myself. tapi mesti apa orang kata. you marry the family too right? oh well, i could spare a few hours but don't spoil my kidnap plan or you won't want to know a hysterical woman pulling out her hair at the airport.

6 days more to go. now, i can feel the time literally crawls. quick, monday, quick!

lost in translation

2009-10-27T08:56:00.002+08:00

since i commute alone nowadays, i always make it a point to get out of the house before at the crack of the dawn. it's like travelling at night, which makes me feel at ease and quiet. i love quiet moments so that i can think and plan out the day. but if i happen to wake up at 7, i promise you, you will see my butt out of the house after 9. trust me on that.

so i was up nice and early so i thought i would make a tuna sandwich instead of the usual chocolate cereal drink. and there were some salmon zenpan-something at 50% off at jusco last night, i had two of that. then a pinch of chicken chop (last night's too, imagine what cheap food can do to you!) and a full glass of diluted apple juice.

oh wow.

i thought i was going to throw up then.

i should have stopped at the tuna sandwich but the greediness got the better of me. and it was delicious. just that it doesn't settle well in the stomach early as that.

on a different note, i went to an interview yesterday. i never do well at interviews. i just can't stand the act of being evaluate. being at the toes of mercy. begging for a job. sheesh. and i met an old uni-mate, i bet he's good because, he is.

oh well. what else can i say.

but the moment i drove through the place, i know it's a place that i would love to come to work everyday. and did i tell you it would be traffic jam-free? and that it won't effect my bond with the current company because it's one of the subs? and that it's the particular unit that i've been eying for since last year?

oh but i did something that i'm sure i won't be hired any sooner, so let's just let the dream go okay?

okaylah, sambung kerja balik. wey susah tau nak translate technical subjects ni......

cerita countdown and many more

2009-10-24T12:37:00.002+08:00

i'm blogging away at office. yes, on a saturday.

you would think i have turn into a stressed-up workaholic, but hell, no. nothing of that sorts. i had a few personal errands need to be done and can be done only at the office. anyhow, it kind of liberating coming in to work on weekends. no traffic jams. no long queues. i wish i can go to work on weekends only, i'd be the happiest woman on earth.

as i came in, there's a sports day organised by the students, with food stalls along the bosses' carpark. looks tempting enough, fried fishball on sticks are on my mind currently. maybe i'll drop by before i meet up with a friend. or some friends. hihi.

it's been 7 days without a word with syarif. at first, i thought it be excruciating for me, but oddly enough, it wasn't hard as expected. i think it'd be much harder for me if i talk to him everyday because of course i would ask more than that. ;p but when we're out of contact for than a week, it's easier on my conscience because then i wouldn't have that begging feeling all the time. it's true what people say, lagi senang kalau takde. technically okay, not literally.

just for the record, i just found out the men (tua and muda) in my office are doing countdown on syarif's kepulangan. can you believe that? i know they'll be waiting for me to come in office, looking all washed-out and tired. hello, i will be taking a whole week off so kudos to me. haha.

15 to go.

word cage

2009-10-23T08:34:00.004+08:00

i have less than half an hour to dwindle away before i start again the iso preparation.

this whole week has been really worthy of a month's salary, minus the monday, of course. even that, i have topped off by coming into office early wee morning (before 7am) and going back at 7.30pm. so tell me, aren't i dedicate enough?

this iso thingy is really rocking off my rocket. thinking that a new iso has been revised, i thought our procedure too has been improvised. but no, of course considering who resides at this old bunk place. too many loopholes and there isn't enough time to amend any crooks because the sirim guys are coming this monday. whew!

and another thing that i've been wondering, why would we need iso for when our customers are basically internal? so that we can boast to them, wah we got iso one lah, so we very good you know. as if they care at all. the reason we have iso in the first place was because we had education dept under us, but since they have become a subsidiary, iso seems so irrelevant. it's like people here haven't got enough work of their own as it is.

time's up. i'm retreating into a world of endless hassle and will merge when i'm done. then, i have something big coming up that needs extra care and attention. taa.

Aksi Jakun

2009-10-20T11:53:00.002+08:00

Ye saya jakun. First time blog from Microsoft word version 2007. Asalnya nak buat finding report but suddenly popped out an option 'to create blog'. So gatal nak try. After this, If some of the posts are nicely capped (because I don't to capitals under normal circumstances), then you know I'm blogging from the office. Unless I own a new notebook in the near future (hopefully). But we still have to see whether this will go up or not. If you can read this, then berbaloi lah aksi jakun saya hari ini.

Yes, I was away from the office yesterday. It's such a relief. Skipping work becomes easier and easier. No more or feeling guilty. But don't get me wrong; when once I'm in the office, it'll be up til midnight. Okay I over-dramatised that part. I come in at 7am and go home at 8-9pm. So consider I got time covered nicely. Heh. I think blogging from word is a bit tiring because I keep on correcting the colored underlines.

Alright, yaw'll. Need to get the report done by today.

leaving train

2009-10-19T11:01:00.003+08:00

i was ready for office by 8am. i sat down on the bed until it was 9. then i decided not to go work. the long journey, alone, suddenly depresses me. it is not the fear of being on the road, it's the rising hot emotions within me upon seeing swarms of cars before me.

i am an open concept kind of person. i dislike houses with gates. i dislike houses wedge in between other houses. i dislike cars squeezing in front behind and sides, i dislike living in an apartment because the hallways/corridors can make me feel suffocated, i dislike being in the woods at night because it feels like the darkness envelopes over me. basically, i dislike anything that makes me feel a prisoner.

i am a free spirit.

when i signed up for marriage, i always pray that i won't feel like a prisoner. being in a system or a confinement can suffocate me too. i do not wish to confine myself to the needs of the society. with the circumstance as they are, i couldn't just give in to them. like, being childless for years, if i succumb to the thoughtless needs/expectations of the people around me, i will be a lunatic by now.

but i have faith in God. i know He listens to me everyday. as long as i have Him, i do not care what others may think of me. i also have faith in my other half. thank you for believing in me.

perhaps i should start a freelance.

atas, bawah, mari sini, terima kasih

2009-10-15T18:29:00.003+08:00

it's the last week of syawal and i'm sure everyone's rushing to hold openhouses at the last minute. speaking of which, there will be a makan2 affair tomorrow evening, just for family and friends. :)

there's nothing specific here that i would like to say. living true to it's name and theme, i rarely write serious stuff like discussing politics or current issues or anything that requires me to wring out ideas from my poor tired brain.

after tapping in serious work stuff, blogging seems such a relief, almost like a painkiller. to the point that i just want to write endlessly but it would be too much, i know. people will definitely say i'm gone off the crackers.

life's okay, i guess. been socializing around, so that helps the loneliness a bit. oh yeah, a funny joke. we were shisha-ing (haha) at damascus (i think that's the name) and this bangladeshi man told us he's been in malaysia for 3 years and still couldn't speak malay except for a few words. we asked him, what do you know then?

atas, bawah, mari sini, terima kasih.

we taught him a new word, sama-sama.

we shrieked in laughter. imagine sama-sama in the same order. haha!

poor man, he went away, confused.

social butterfly in cocoon

2009-10-12T17:35:00.005+08:00

it's not like i have anything particular to say in here, just the need of tapping away the buttons. less than an hour, i'll be meeting up with good friends, whom i haven't seen since i got back from the uk, and will be having dinner in damansara. there's a restaurant that a friend has suggested ages ago. and there goes my diet again.

you know, it's weird that when you embark on a diet effort, suddenly all the food seems so scrumptious and salivating. even worse, the measly-looking pisang goreng can tempt with your taste buds. and thus, my friend, i need to reward a point to myself for succeeding swatting away all those jahat desires. heh.

but then, it's a goner if we go to damansara. i just can't simply order coffee only, can i? i mean, it will make me look so poyo. haha. saja je, cari reason to chomp down good food without feeling guilty. besides, i haven't socialise with those girls for a long time. 2 course dinner won't hurt. as if.

i'm planning of a getaway in november but not sure where yet. couldn't be too far, lest it'll be tiring. and not too near for people to come and disturb. ngahaha. project membuat anak harus bermula dengan intensivenya before one of us gets whisk away by work obligations again. hahah. (aku balik rumah ni mesti ada mulut murai tu duk cucuk2 aku ;p)

if you say it, 3 weeks, it doesn't sound so long right? but when you put them in days, 28 days to be precise, it sure sounds like a lifetime. huh, now's the time to wish time to fly faster, only then it won't. obviously..

it's monday today, we have 4 days to go till weekend, so have a nice week, y'all!

thank you for bringing me back

2009-10-12T08:35:00.003+08:00

last week was my one of darkest moments.

two bad incidents happened and i'm grateful that i am still well and alive.

i may seem loud and boisterous but i always keep my emotional feelings/thoughts to myself. and what i usually do is to bury them deep inside so i wouldn't think so much about it, to the point that i barely remember what it's all about. but when things got out of control, we are only humans, everything gushed out in hard torrents. i have never shed that many tears in my life. i feel ashamed just thinking about it.

i could have lash out for what has happened but i checked. maybe it's a sign of what i had done to other people and now, it's my turn to know and feel what's it like. i have never felt so helpless, and there was noone to turn to. i learn that you can never depend on people too much, even your loved ones, because they are humans too and powerless, but learn to depend on The Almighty.

being alone gives me that chance of rebuilding the barely-lived relationship with God. i thought i will go mad living all by myself, but no, God in His unique way has shown His way of returning to Him. people would think i'm crazy talking to myself when all i do is having a conversation with God. like, Ya allah, Kau tolonglah tengokkan rumah aku sementara aku pergi kerja ni. selawat. is that crazy? because i BELIEVE that only God can prevent bad guys from breaking in. if i were to leave it to someone else, eh kau tolong eh jaga rumah aku. still, she couldn't have done anything if there were break-ins.

those are examples only, mind you.

i know i have done some things in the past that i'm not proud of. in the event of what happened, i take it that it's a form of repentance. there must be a reason for what took place. it's a kind reminder from God that i have relayed abit too far from him.

now i am at peace, mind and soul.

thank you.

free bird

2009-10-08T14:49:00.002+08:00

listening to VP just now at one of our annual raya celebration push me back on track. so inspiring, it was least expected especially when i was already half-way dead. literally. if i were to quit some day, i would like to leave behind great impression and everybody will remember what i have done.

haha bongkak bongkak. no, i think it's better to leave with respect and dignity.

half-drowned

2009-10-05T18:15:00.002+08:00

for the endth time, i console my heart to be grateful for what i have. it is so hard to do that when you are stuck in a position that you never wish to be in nor that you have any choice to let yourself out. suddenly, i miss my 3 month stint of escapism.

yes, call me a coward. i never thought myself feeling scared shitless of reality, which i still think i don't, but what makes me feel more ashamed is that i run away before facing the real thing. i'm not saying that i am a care-free spirit, because i'm really not, considering i can be so unabashed of other people's feelings, but i hate feeling the weight of burden people put on me. already, i'm waking up feeling like an old lady.

i believe there are certain things that happen for a reason and i tend to search deep the whys. there must be a reason why i turn out like that, right? but somehow, i couldn't fathom the outcome of all this. is it a sign of acceptance or is it that i have to fight against it in order to gain happiness in life?

sometimes, we live by our decisions. i have made decisions that i regret ever so much but that just shows how human we are. if i know things will come to this, i would have turn the time back and redo everything. but then, i could have made the same choice all over again. when the pressure gets to you, you have to do anything by all means to survive.

it's life. you just have to make best of it.

i don't know if i do.

rapuan

2009-09-28T11:43:00.002+08:00

ini entry usaha menghilangkan ngantuk.

wow, this is my first post since i got back. bukan apa, it's not jet-lag yang membantutkan segalanya, i saja je buat diri sendiri jet-lag. because it feels like ages since i had tidur yg begitu puas. jadinya, bila masuk office, menganga je mulut menguap after more than 3 months of training tidur lepas subuh. ;p

oh ya, selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin semua! tau-tau jelah, i always say things right off the tongue without thinking and you know how bad that is, saying things without critical analysis. habis semua yang tak berkenaan pun boleh kecil hati.

surprisingly, raya was good. last saturday was the puncak segala-galanya. because i'm celebrating single, i had to attach myself onto the newly-weds, odah and akim. so we went to 5 open houses. 5, people! from early morning til late night. i can barely walk after that. odah lagi hebat, dia pergi 2 buah lagi rumah, wonders where she put all those food as i dah buang 1/3 of tangki in the afternoon. hahha. cayalah odah!

hari ini excited sikit datang kerja. i left home at 630am and arrived at 730am. one of the earliest. haa i hope it goes like this for a month. i harap2 sgt dapat makan lunch ikan keli and tempe goreng. lapar betul. tapi langit macam mendung, guruh dah kedengaran, kalau hujan, mmg terlepas lah ikan keli i. ;p

sedar tak sedar, we are 3 months away from 2010. time flies. i really lost track of everything. things that happened last year, i thought they happened this year. like, i thought i just bought a house this year, turns out it was last year and it's nearly done too. the house is coming along nicely, hopefully there'll be an openhouse/housewarming party next year. tapi semua duduk di lantai je ok kan?

hah, kan dah hujan! nak keluar tak boleh because ada orang tu tinggalkan kunci kereta dia, in case banjir, akulah kena alih keta dia. haih. ikan keli oh ikan keli!

oklah, dah hilan pun ngantuk. nak cari kawan pergi membaham.

little white rose

2009-09-16T00:09:00.002+08:00

it was quite the most difficult decision i had to make. to leave my shoes or not. as shallow as it might sound, i have an indescribable attachment towards my shoes and leaving them behind will make me feel bereft and.. nothing. okay, call me shallow now.

after what was a really last minute shopping (thanks to those late orders coming in), i had to repack all over again just to accommodate the newly added spree. and leave out my things. so you can just imagine how i feel, going back without my familiar things in eye or beyond reach. it's not really the case of urgent need for the things but for the sake of comfort knowing them they will be there when you need them. haha. i console myself, would i really need all this in a month? so, yes, dear people back in malaysia come first.

i am more or less done with the packing, well i've been saying that for the past weeks, but you know, you're never done unless you finally get butt on the plane. a few hours shy away, i will be heading to london after iftar. flight will be in the morning 1.25am and reaches, insya Allah, 9.30pm tomorrow. need to get all the customs cleared first hence the early journey.

i can't wait to meet the family. it's been 3 months, i wonder what it would be like if it'd been years. lagi songsang jadinya. i had to admit, i'm quite sad leaving all this behind, being that they are good memories except a few hiccups here and there, but that's life. what i have to worry about know is WORK. then, my old life is back. hehe.

Goodbye, old england.

this could be my last say in uk (i think)

2009-09-14T16:55:00.003+08:00

everything has to be crammed in the last minute. all of a sudden, time is running out. i am done yet with packing, had to lug everything out and sort them so that i can fit them in any spaces available. yesterday, i was down with another of the allergy attacks, my body was aching in pain, so i was packing for a few minutes then lying down for the most part. heh.

with what small spaces that i can muster in my already loaded luggage, i am planning to run into town for the last time today. that is, if the delivery is here earlier. the only delivery that has not yet arrived and which i placed the earliest of all three orders i made. i hope it gets here by tomorrow because after break-fast, i will be off to london. as usual, people always heap last-minute orders on you, thinking that you have all the time of the world. i will do my best, but if it's not available, i'm sorry..

i feel so excited coming back home. thank god i have a few days of breaking fast in malaysia. it's different in uk, nobody cares about iftars, let alone fantastic promotion deals. heheh. i know i have one session booked with a friend, yes, i will call you once i land, okay. however, when i was in bradford a few days ago, breaking fast was a merry occasion, being that bradford boasts of the highest immigration rate in england, if not one of them, and frankly, you won't feel out of the place so much. except that, on rare incidents, you tend to feel the outcast of a pakistani society..heheh.

speaking of bradford, it was such a memorable trip. meera picked me up around 12 and we toured manchester for some time before heading off to bradford. the weather was brilliant, in fact too brilliant, scorchingly hot and no wind at all. just like good old malaysia. its like the sun is making a grand exit before letting autumn takes over.

bradford is still the same, after 16 years, with a hint of change here and there without being too noticeable. priestman middel school, where i used to go to, was taken over by a beautiful housing area. newby primary school has extended fantastically. meera and i sat there on the grass (my favourite spot long time ago) for an hour and talked. we walked from little horton lane to ryan street, quite a distance i must say considering the fact that i was fasting. it wasn't that far as i used to remember, perhaps my legs are now longer than the short stubby ones years ago. :P
we had fish and chips, where my dad used to treat us to (yeah it's still there except it's brand new and spankier). i think the old version in brown paper drenched in salt and vinegar is still the best.

i will try to upload the pictures once i get the phone cable. camera died on me so i had to rely on my handphone, which also has gone a bit wanky nowadays. i hear people say that electrical goods bought in hot climate can't survive in cold weather. is it true?

anyways, enjoy the last bit of ramadhan because it is the best part of the month. this may be my last entry in uk, so wish me a good and safe journey y'all! so, please invite me to raya events because i will be back then!!

little bugsy-bug

2009-09-10T05:43:00.002+08:00

today. outside, the sun shines brightly, almost blinding. inside, i feel feverish, cold draught seeping through skin touching the bones, making me shiver uncontrollable.

i had soured milk with kellogg's frosties for sahur this morning. didn't realise it had gone back until all the cereal was gone and i was onto sipping the milk. because it didn't taste so good on it's own, i poured it into my coffee. i didn't throw it away, thinking it's too little to let it go to waste and besides, what harm can it do?

so i underestimated the too little milk. it bugged my body system alright. after collecting nuha, i started not to feel good. nausea started to kick in. not the best feeling especially when you are on empty stomach. i had to lie down between doing chores or the dizziness would force me to vomit. that's how bad it is. in my case, anyway, because i'm a such crybaby when it comes down to pain and illness.

the best way to forget the pain is to go to sleep. even that seem to be an ordeal because somehow, i seem to float in between reality and sleep. i can feel myself cringing to stop the pain. i can hear noises in the background, making me want to scream to be quiet. how i wished he was here then. until it was time to break fast.

managed to get something in. nothing can make me abandon my love for food. however, didn't manage to get them stayed down. after magrib prayers, i rushed to the toilet bowl. there goes all my futile attempts of stuffing food in. i even ate ever so slowly so that the tummy won't be too shocked. oh well. we still have sahur. :D

6 days more to go.